FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Get Outta My Lettuce Business, Mansplainer

KaeLyn —
Jun 16, 2017
COMMENT

feature image via Shutterstock

Hello, decorative edge pinking shears! Welcome to Friday Open Thread, a peaceful community vegetable garden where everyone takes turns weeding and you never grow too many squash or a dedicated place for us to hang and share and love on each other every week.

I’m growing lettuce plants for our house rabbit. Our poor bun, Gandalf, lost his bunny friend and bonded roommate two years ago. The guinea pigs that shared a room with him (in their own separate enclosure, of course) have also passed and the poor guy is a bit lonely. He seems content, but not as lively as he used to be. His favorite green is plain ol’ romaine lettuce, so I bought some romaine starter plants and potted them for him.

No sooner had I bent over to spread potting mix around the plants than a random white guy passed by and felt the need to insert himself into my life.

my lettuce pot brings all the (straight cis white) boys to the yard

“Ooh, making a lettuce bowl?” he mused.

“Yup,” I replied politely, without looking up or otherwise acknowledging his existence.

“Yum! Make sure you harvest the outside leaves first,” he advised, “and rotate it so it gets even sun.”

And then I punched him in the face.

But actually, I said, “Oh, thanks!” and gave side-eye to his backside as he walked away. I don’t think he was hitting on me. I think he genuinely felt his unsolicited advice/interaction was helpful. I guess he just walks around neighborhoods giving advice to random women. He wasn’t even walking a dog.

I don’t understand men. I really don’t. I just want to plant my damn lettuce in peace, you know? And the thing is, even though he wasn’t hitting on me (I don’t think), men rarely get in my business like that or expect access to me in any way if I’m with Waffle. Waffle was, unfortunately, dealing with the baby inside the house when this particular and not-all-that-memorable toolbag passed by.

Anyway, it was not that big of a deal, but I just harvested some lettuce (from the outside) for the rabbit and I remembered how I annoyed I was all over again as I rotated the pot.

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In other news, the baby is standing on her own like a champ and we’re terrified. I accepted a promotion at work that requires more travel, but also allows more flexibility. Woo! The weather is finally warm where I am and I’m totally into it and I’m wearing lots of maxi dresses. Waterproof eyeliner is my favorite. The baby ate hot dogs for the first time and thought they were pretty yummy. I had a visit this past weekend from former staff writer and former A-Camp bunkmate, Maddie and got to meet her partner! Overall, it was a week full of blessings and actually pretty minimal mansplaining!

Photo from Maddie, giggles from Remi

What’s your week been like? What are you up to this coming week? Did you hate-binge Orange is the New Black? Are you making your own sun tea? Did you know all sizes of soft drinks and sweet tea are only $1 at McDonald’s right now? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you tending a plant? Or a pet? Or a human?

Have you read all the think pieces on the Handmaid’s Tale that could possibly exist until your brain shuts down? Have you considered growing a lettuce bowl? I want to hear about everything that’s going on in your life. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.


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KaeLyn

KaeLyn is a 40-year-old hard femme bisexual dino mom. You can typically find her binge-watching TV, standing somewhere with a mic or a sign in her hand, over-caffeinating herself, or just generally doing too many things at once. She lives in Upstate NY with her spouse, a baby T. rex, a scaredy cat, an elderly betta fish, and two rascally rabbits. You can buy her debut book, Girls Resist! A Guide to Activism, Leadership, and Starting a Revolution if you want to, if you feel like it, if that’s a thing that interests you or whatever.

KaeLyn has written 231 articles for us.

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