Grace’s Adventure
Grace (Forever Intern, Theatre Editor), 23, Columbus, OH
Ok here is the thing about Tinder: It is a nightmare hellscape in every conceivable way, generally for all the reasons everyone else already talked about but also for reasons I’m about to get into. Ugh. Mostly Tinder makes me feel like a shallow asshole because it puts the user in a no-win situation: Reject someone and try to live with yourself for turning down someone you know nothing about, or like someone and question if you really are the kind of person who can be attracted to someone exclusively for their looks. The whole exercise ends up feeling masturbatory in the worst way. I thought my solution to this problem was elegant: Like everyone who likes Autostraddle on Facebook, and reject (almost) everyone else. I still only got three matches total, which means you all are the worst.
I originally hesitated to participate in this roundtable, but despite the fact that I’m normally really good at saying no to Stef and Brittani, I caved during my latest trip from Ohio to LA while we were all eating dinner together. Here’s the other thing about Tinder: It’s a lot more fun in a place with more queer people. It just is. Because as shallow as I felt swiping through hundreds of people in LA, it felt a lot better than logging on at home in Ohio and being told there were no other girls who liked girls within 100 miles. It’s almost certainly a flaw in the app, but that doesn’t make it any less demoralizing to be repeatedly told you’d already turned down/been turned down by every hot chick within quick driving distance. Thanks for the ego boost, Tinder.
It’s also entirely possible that I’m just bitter. I only got three matches during the two weeks I kept Tinder on my phone: two in LA and one in Ohio. (Sidenote: Another awesome thing Tinder did was bug out, so I uninstalled and reinstalled it, and it lost one of my matches, THANKS TINDER, THAT WAS MY FUTURE WIFE). I didn’t talk to either of my LA matches, but not wanting this experiment to be a complete bust, I started chatting up my Ohio match. She ended up being super cool and friendly, and we got along fairly well, except she recognized me as Intern Grace Of Autostraddle and now I can never take myself seriously again, which is a bummer.
After a few days of chatting, my match asked if I wanted to get drinks, which I obviously did because I’m willing to go pretty far in the name of Tinder Science. Going into the gory details seems exploitative (even though she knew what was going on), but the gist of the date is that it was just all right. She’s a great person, but we probably aren’t going to get married any time soon, mostly because she refuses to watch High School Musical and also because she put two Third Eye Blind songs on a playlist for me. Additionally, one of the main topics of conversation was “omg Tinder is SUPER embarrassing, I’m SUPER embarrassed, I can’t believe we’re doing this,” so. Not a total waste of time because it was a good, fun experience that resulted in a great story and a new friend, but also I probably could’ve continued to live my life as a relatively happy human if Tinder had not facilitated that interaction. I am pretty proud of the mix CD I made for her, though.
Bottom line: You’re better than this. I uninstalled it as soon as I found someone I went to high school with. I recommend not waiting that long. Save your heart for Ellen Page.
Stef: In the end, nobody found love in a hopeless place; we just established that it is, in fact, a hopeless place. Dattch, please come to Los Angeles soon! We need your help.
(Feature image via ShutterStock)