The following article contains spoilers for season three of White Lotus, through episode four.

Welcome to a new series called Dykes Discuss, where we discuss media and topics that aren’t necessarily lesbian-forward but that we still want to weigh in on! We have fun!

Drew: Piper nooooo

Christina: ::monkey sounds::

Kayla: How many times have you done the Parker accent in the past 24 hours?

Christina: I can’t get it right, and it is killing me.

Drew: Yeah I’ve done it 4.6 trillion times but I’ve only done it well about twice.

Kayla: People online clearly don’t know she lived in Laurel, Mississippi for a lot of her early life.

Christina: Thankfully we have Kayla, Parker Posey scholar here.

Kayla: Yes, I can show my PhD if required.

Christina: My question remains: What is going on with Belinda?

Drew: I thought she was going to have a fun affair with that man, but now I think she’s just there to solve the mystery.

Christina: That’s what I think too and I want her to….not! Just have a fun affair! Leave these white people ALONE

Kayla: I guess I should introduce the concept here, which is that this is a new column called Dykes Discuss in which we, the titular dykes, discuss topics we wouldn’t normally discuss on this here website. Which means they might be “straight culture,” or in the case of this season of The White Lotus, just not especially dykey.

Christina: We love to discuss so much we had to get right into it.

Kayla: So yes, We The Dykes are discussing The White Lotus season 3, which at first I wasn’t sold on because I couldn’t figure out what it was Doing, but once I was simply along for the ride I started enjoying it a lot more.

Drew: Yeah, bisexual Mike White could never make a show straight, but this season is lacking in lesbians despite my feelings for Carrie Coon.

Christina: I do not begrudge Mike for writing what he knows (weird little toxic gays, I guess)

Kayla: Yes, but there are definitely a lot of things that dykes and fags alike enjoy, like the trio of white lady friends played by Carrie Coon, Leslie Bibb, and Michelle Monaghan, who are catnip for gay dudes with mommy issues and lesbians with mommy issues. Like those three characters and their dynamic(s) are NOT For The Straights.

Christina: As one of the faggiest dykes around, I am liiiiivining for how real this trio of friends are.

Kayla: THEY ARE SO REAL. The Republican “reveal” and reactions to it felt SO REAL. And I love the device of them taking turns splitting off into pairs to discuss the third. The only thing better than a toxic friendship is a toxic THREEWAY friendship.

Drew: Speaking of mommy issues, I am feral for the idea of a threesome with Carrie Coon on The Leftovers partnered with Justin Theroux, but when partnered with her real life partner Tracy Letts I parasocially project mom and dad on them far more. She really floats back and forth for me projection-wise, and that’s the kind of thing one can admit behind a paywall.

Kayla: Dykes Project

Christina: Coming soon to a theater near you.

Drew: I do know the consensus is this season isn’t as strong as the previous two, and I get that, but there are just so many elements really working for me. Like Parker Posey, like the friend trio. Ultimately, I do think Mike White is a strong enough writer that even when there’s less cohesion it’s still going to be enjoyable to watch.

Kayla: Weird incest vibes family is even working for me now, though it was an uneven start. Finding out Jason Isaacs character is based on real-life demon Thomas Ravenel, as a Bravo Dyke, totally makes sense. He’s nailing the Ravenel mannerisms and accent.

Christina: That was such a thrilling ru-veal, even though I am only Southern Charm-pilled via you! And god help me I do love Jason Issacs.

Kayla: I do think super wealthy families can kind of be incesty! Not in a LITERAL way but in a way where they want to consolidate and preserve their wealth so they become very insular and self-obsessed and All About Family. Mike White is just taking that to its extremes.

Drew: Isaacs is great. I dooooo think the actors who play the siblings don’t quite have the ability to be watchable while insufferable. Like Jake Lacy was a prick in the first season but there’s something compelling about him. Schwarzenegger doesn’t have that. And I’m also not a big fan of Sarah Catherine Hook…

Kayla: Yeah they’re the weak links in the ensemble for sure.

Drew: Rooting for nepo baby Nivola but he also hasn’t wowed me yet.

Christina: Agree, there isn’t enough…fun in the Schwarzenegger performance for me.

Kayla: Yeah I’m fine with a character giving me the ick, but make it FUN. Sorry to say “These girls are thirsty for some young fucking cum” did actually entertain me because WHAT A LINE, but that was more of a writing win than a delivery win.

Drew: I take comfort in the fact that the murder this season is a mass shooting because maybe the whole family can get taken out. My favorite fan theory is the shooter is a monkey.

Christina: APES TOGETHER STRONG. (\I agree)

Drew: Lmaooooo

Christina: AND speaking of monkeys: I am ADDICTED to the sound design. How could you ever relax here??

Kayla: I love the sound design too! It’s immersive and creepy but in a subtle way. I feel like this might be too obvious, but I was wondering if the shooting is a murder sui gone wrong by the dad.

Christina: That feels like what they WANT us to think. Only for a monkey to do it.

Kayla: Rooting for monkey.

Drew: Dad shoots himself, monkey gets startled, grabs the gun and starts going for it.

I do think the reason The White Lotus (along with idk Triangle of Sadness, The Menu, etc etc etc) has been so successful is because most of us can’t afford to travel. So it’s fun to get a taste of wealth on-screen, only to be reminded that the people who get to do these things IRL are more miserable than us.

I will say it’s why I thought s2 was the most interesting/challenging. I loved that the worst couple was actually super happy and having a grand time.

For every rich person crumbling, I do think there are plenty truly living it up as they hoard resources.

Christina: I think when shows like this work, that is the draw, and now I am wondering if our appetite for this kind of “white rich people? yeah they’re bad!” is going away?

Drew: Right is s3 worse or have we just seen it before? From the previous two seasons AND a bunch of other media part of the same wave.

Christina: Like, I am still watching and I will continue to, but I do wonder if this genre is coming to a close.

Drew: I agree. Even as I watch Succession for the first time.

Christina: Succession and The White Lotus do feel intrinsically linked to me, but I think it’s simply just due to rich whites and Sunday nights on HBO.

Kayla: I do think there’s an understandable fatigue about this kind of television.

Drew: What’s wild is the Roys are too rich for The White Lotus. There are so many levels to absurd wealth.

Christina: I do think a lot of the key to Succession‘s success was simply a level of wealth we cannot fathom.

Drew: Since season one, I’ve felt like Mike White is best at examining sexual and relationship dynamics more so than any grand critiques of class (or race). It’s another reason s2 was my favorite and why I’m really enjoying the dynamic between Aimee Lou Wood and Walton Goggins.

Kayla: Yes! Let’s talk about my age gap relationship icons!!

Christina: And I wonder if the…more attainable rich people in White Lotus sometimes feel less interesting? Or like we’re learning less because we all know this type?

Drew: Yeah for sure.

Kayla: Yes, I mean the Southern Charm influences makes it all feel too close to reality, literally.

Christina: WALTON GOGGINS MY LOVE!

Kayla: I AM SO ATTRACTED TO WALTON GOGGINS, but to be fair, I have been since Justified. But him as this grimey grumpy greasy dude in a relationship with a much younger babe? It’s really doing something for me, as a dyke, and this is me discussing it.

But again, I am very much NOT a Bandwagon Goggins Head, and this feels important to me to note. Also, since this is behind a paywall, I shall now be EXTREMELY vulnerable and prove JUST HOW FAR BACK my Goggins thirst goes by sharing something I literally posted to my Tumblr 13 years ago when I was pretending to be straight:

Drew: Hawt as fux

Christina: hawt as fux

I’m sobbing

I’m inconsolable

HaWtAsFuX would have crushed on AIM

Kayla: I was a 19-year-old closeted lesbian so attracted to this man, and here I am now, a 32-year-old out lesbian…still very much into this man! And like the grimier he is on the show, the better!!!!!

our threeway group chat shortly after the tumblr post reveal

Christina: Okay we have to talk about their relationship because as much as I love him, I do not think…he likes her at all???? And I keep seeing their relationship described as sweet and I am ??

Kayla: Oh WHAT people think it’s sweet?!

Drew: I do think SHE loves HIM. That’s the way it’s not like some of the other age gap relationships on the periphery. Like yeah, she should probs run away from this man before he commits murder or just ruins another afternoon, but she’s staying out of emotion not for the money.

Kayla: Yes I think she genuinely is the type who is not even like I Can Fix Him but rather I Love Him The Way He Is.

Drew: She forgave him soooo fast for letting out those snakes lmao.

Kayla: Literally!

Christina: Oh yeah, to be clear I was not confused about her love for him. SOOO FAST. GIRL!!!

Drew: I am also not convinced his dad was a do gooder who was murdered. I mean I’ll always be suspicious of a narrative that’s like yes this white man went to Thailand to save people but I’m also not convinced he’s not a fully still alive gangster somewhere.

Christina: Yeaaaaaaaah that raised an eyebrow for me, like, some kinda white guy in Thailand?? Please

Kayla: Do you think he’s intentionally lying or do you think that’s the story he WANTS to believe?

Drew: Oh I think he fully believes it.

Christina: I think he NEEDS to believe it. My boy hanging on by a THREAD

Drew: It’s funny that a lot of these characters are only willing to do therapy in the context of a resort. To be fair he was barely willing but

Kayla: This resort being a “wellness resort” really gives it a different vibe than the past White Lotus properties. No phones is of course a fun story device.

Christina: I was just thinking about that, how so much of the tension is like, from being lightly pushed into performing the idea of “wellness.” I wish I could say I would survive sans a phone.

Kayla: Yes and these people love the IDEA of “wellness” because they want to live forever lol.

Drew: Please someone take away my phone. No phone and the monkeys are what I’m most jealous of.

Kayla: Monkeys sometimes steal phones.

Drew: She can have it.

Kayla: A monkey stole my cousins yoga pants one time and like good for her.

Christina: I have a hard time with the monkeys, because while I believe apes are indeed together strong, monkeys are scary as shit.

Drew: I’m desperate to see monkeys in the wild.

Kayla: Any animal that can peel a banana with its hands is Too Powerful (raccoons can, too)

Drew: I love raccoons too ! What is the most ethical trip I could take where I could see wild monkeys? Asking for ten years from now when I have the money to travel.

Kayla: Oh I have seen many monkeys! I saw a monkey in Thailand steal a sausage link and REMOVE THE CASING. That’s soooo powerful. There are so many places where you can see wild monkeys that are not resorts.

Christina: MANY MONKEYS

Kayla: You can literally see wild macaques 20 minutes from my home.

Drew: Really???

Christina: REALLY?

Kayla: Yeah!!! Literally I could hop in my car and go see a wild macaque right now. I will take y’all to see monkeys in the wild next time you visit.

Drew: Incredible news for me

Christina: 😬

Kayla: We have wild PANTHERS.

Christina: NOW YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE.

Kayla: The White Lotus: Florida when????

Christina: BIG CATS????

Drew: You’re more afraid of monkeys than big cats??

Kayla: No I understand her perspective.

Christina: Yes monkeys are smarter!!!!

Drew: So they’ll be more likely to make a deal. Let me keep my face and you can have my phone. A panther will just eat both.

Christina: More likely to make a deal and then TRICK U

Kayla: I do want the show to be even more monkey-forward. Let them scheme! Let them get up to shenanigans in like every ep.

Drew: There should be monkey characters alongside the human characters, it’s true.

Christina: Monkey Lotus

Kayla: The monkeys could have picked up some water guns, too.

Drew: So true.

Kayla: I loved the water guns scene. Physical comedy! Making white women look goofy as hell! Gimme!

Christina: It really nailed that feeling of being like “Oh I just wont get sprayed” to like “Fuck it, fine I can be a little damp” to “FINE IM SOAKED”

Kayla: I guess we’ll see more of what they get up to with that gaggle of goofy guys next week.

Drew: Goofy?? Sinister!

Kayla: It was giving daytime DJ to me.

Christina: One of the most sinister breeds!!!

Kayla: I saw the way the one guy distracted our sweet worst security guard ever before the robbery.

Christina: OKAY YES I THINK THEY ARE ZE ROBBERS

Kayla: Do you think they’ll hold Michelle Monaghan ransom?

Drew: Oooo maybe. I also wonder if Mook is in on it…I can’t get a read on how she feels about Gaitok. And it would make sense if she’s being nice to him to manipulate him.

Christina: Me either! This ep made me lean more towards manipulation, but to what end? (To what end!!)

Kayla: I think Lisa has been doing great! I keep forgetting it’s her!

Christina: She’s so good! SO natural and effortless

Kayla: An evil arc for Mook would be fun.

Drew: We’re four episodes in, but there’s actually A LOT more show left this season. Like Belinda could still hook up with that man AND solve a murder. The first season was six episodes, second was seven, but this season is eight.

Kayla: What if it keeps going up every season?

Drew: White Lotus: Florida is going to be lengthy.

Kayla: Let Mike White cook (22 episodes)

Christina: Full episode for panthers

Kayla: Episode from monkey’s perspective

Does anyone have any final WACKY thoughts to stick behind a paywall?

Christina: I love Aimee Lou Wood’s teeth so much. that’s all

Kayla: ME TOO

Drew: The white employee who wants to be a singer is the main Nazi from The Zone of Interest.

Oh yeah I love her teeth

Christina: DEEPLY on brand final thoughts from Drew and I

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