My girlfriend Lucy lives with the neurodivergent urge to put small, colorful things in her mouth. The urge becomes ravenous if she knows she’s not allowed to. Rather than suffering from this, she seems to enjoy every moment of it — especially when there’s a chance to startle me by threatening to eat something inedible near me.
We’re also big ol’ nerds. Our evenings are spent nose-first in our respective PCs and there’s always a weekly tabletop role-playing night on the cards. That means nerd paraphernalia. Miniatures, dice, markers, you name it. They’re everywhere and conveniently bite-sized. I needed to turn her attention away from my property before her desire for mischief flared up again.
So I showed her fancy dice listings on Etsy and had her rank them by how edible they look to her.
10. Frosted glass pastel dice with cat butts
Lucy: The frosted glass look gives them a sugar frosting vibe that makes them really appetizing. They are adorable, but the cat butt imagery is not something I’d want in my mouth. The kitties are so cute though.
9. Double chocolate-themed dice
Lucy: I do want to eat these. But surprisingly, not as much as some of the other themed dice. It’s because purposefully making the dice look like candy removes the Forbidden Snack Vibe™.
Summer: That’s a surprise, because these make my mouth water and I can’t stand the thought of plastic in my mouth. It’s just the chocolate style. I love chocolate.
8. Swiss cheese-themed dice
Summer: Note the big warning that says NOT EDIBLE.
Lucy: That sign was written for me and I hate it. Most tasty dice I see look like candy. These buck the trend with a savory look, but they are still going right into my mouth. Also, I love the cheese box packaging. I love brie. I love this.
7. Liquid core floating dragon eye dice
Lucy: I know that nothing about this is meant to look edible, but I do want to eat them. They look like a fantasy potion that would do unspeakable things to me. However, as the protagonist in my life’s misadventure, I’m downing them.
Summer: See, I don’t want to go near these because they look like they have a soft center that would pop with flavored fluid into my mouth.
Lucy: Okay, but that’s actually a point in their favor.
6. Rainbow glitter pride dice
Lucy: You’re just showing me candy now. They look sparkly sweet and sugar coated like the queers I know. They look like a fruit medley where each color is a different flavor. I refuse to believe the listing when it says ‘acrylic’. That glitter looks perfectly edible, and I will prove everyone wrong or break my teeth in the attempt.
5. Glitter purple dice
Lucy: These look like sherbert or pop rock candy. Look at that pop of flavor in the center. They’d cut your mouth if you bit into them too soon but you’d take that risk anyway. Also, they’re so obviously a sour grape flavor.
4. Dark blue glass dice
Lucy: I immediately want to eat those. They look like hard candy. A delicious, berry-flavored hard candy. Clear translucence always sets off my desire to eat small plastic things.
Summer: These also had me for a while, but I’m not sure how I feel about the gold lettering. They’re beautiful, but I don’t know what flavor gold would represent.
3. Translucent resin dice with real flowers
Lucy: It’s hard to separate how beautiful these are from how edible they look. These don’t rank high on edibility for me, but they are probably the most beautiful dice I’ve ever seen. Even so, they give a very delicate floral tea vibe that I can live with. I wouldn’t impulsively munch on these, but would enjoy them gently with tea.
2. Edible strawberry candy dice
Lucy: Why hasn’t anyone gotten these for me yet? Everyone in my life knows I want to eat dice. Obviously I’m gonna eat these. I love sour candies. Hell yes.
Summer: I’ll make a note of your desire for these, love.
1. Blue frosted glass moon dice
Lucy: Ooh. Okay. Yeah, no. I have to put those in my mouth. The frosted glass looks like the sugar coating on a Turkish delight. They look like expensive, artisanal candy that is completely worth the price. My wallet would be ruined and I’d never be able to get enough.
Ok, so I’ve never wanted to eat dice, but nevertheless I feel a strange sense of kinship with these feelings. Like, it’s not for me but I totally get it.
(Well, on top of that, there is some scientific basis for this too, it’s like the Tide Pods. The glossy surface tells our brain they have good oils/fats, and the bright colors are like fruit, packed with vitamins and minerals, iirc. They may say “do not eat” but they’re designed to look delicious and appealing, even when they aren’t designed to look like food.)
But yes, I agree with most of Lucy’s choices. Not sure I’m brave enough for the dragon eye though 😅
I endure the same strange phenomenon but more aimed at textures than objects so none of us are alone.
Relatable content. I went to the museum with my partners and my bestie, we rated the crystals and rocks by how much we wanted to lick them.
Forbidden C R O N C H
Super cute article, some of these look awesome! Sharing to my D&D friends
<3
Has your partner ever seen any of Isla Gilham’s jewelry collections? They were literally DESIGNED to torment ND people who want to put small, shiny objects in their mouth.
https://www.instagram.com/islagilhamjewellery/
Why would someone make something so directly aimed at me.