Nita

The University of North Carolina Greensboro

I’m writing this column for y’all from sunny Orlando, Florida, sitting in the airport waiting for my flight back to Raleigh. I just finished up spring break, and by the time you see this I’ll be back at school. I’ve got to admit, though, that I’m really not ready to go back. I’ve had a good time in Florida, taking a much-needed break and doing nothing school-related whatsoever, relishing the freedom that will unfortunately end at 2:00 on Monday afternoon when I hit the books again.

I did manage to find time to dye my hair during midterms week to de-stress, and it turned out a gorgeous bright purple. I’ve received a ton of compliments on it and everyone loves it except my mother, so I’m going to keep it for awhile. The only downside is the dye I bought bled terribly, so I ended up with purple pillowcases (and, ahem, there’s a shower in the girls’ dorm that’s now dyed purple).

Anyway, Florida was absolutely amazing. My best friend Ava and I, along with my parents, spent a week down in Orlando. We lounged by the pool, went to Universal Studios, rode some really kickass and scary roller coasters, and WENT TO FREAKIN’ HARRY POTTER WORLD.

You guys it was so awesome I could have died

We saw the Monster Book of Monsters, drank Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks, bought sweets from Honeydukes, and bought shirts for our respective houses (Ravenclaw for me, Slytherin for her).

I rode this and it was the most thrilling and terrifying thing ever.

Although I had fun in Florida, I’ve definitely discovered something about myself this week: I’m an introvert to the extreme, I need my time alone or else I’m unable to function and I get crabby and anxious. And no matter how much I love my family or my best friend, I need to be by myself every once in awhile just so I don’t go insane. Sometimes, the best break for me is just to be by myself.

Sunny

Ithaca College

Siiiiiiiighhhhhhh. Late-winter, pre-spring blues. Originally I typed a paragraph about how I’m freaking out that I’m almost at the end of my freshman year of college, but I deleted it after realizing that I’m being irrational. In short, I just feel like I have done everything and absolutely nothing at the same time during this school year. I have indescribable fears about the end of this school year and the summer . . . I seriously need to sit still and reorganize these clutters of emotions and thoughts in my mind. Oh hey, I ended up writing about freaking out anyway.

A few days into spring break, I had a serious talk with the woman I was seeing. She made me see that I was miserable because I was emotionally invested in our relationship in a way that was too much for her to reciprocate. It’s true, even though I wasn’t ready to admit it to her before she confronted me. I got sad and anxious when I didn’t get to see her while she enjoyed the space. I tried to force myself to be okay with how casual our relationship was, but that only made me sad and anxious because that wasn’t what I wanted. After the talk, we agreed that we needed to stop seeing each other because we wanted different things. She assured me that I walked out of the situation more mature than I was before, and I agree with her: she’s made me see what it’s like to be involved in the adult world of businesses and money and unruly grown-up affairs. Despite being a little heartbroken, I still respect and admire her so much as an adult who’s played a significant role in my first year of college.

I spent the rest of my break trying to keep my chin up and cover up the emotional toll of the split when I visited my friend in the city. I walked around Manhattan by myself for a few hours and ended up at The Stonewall Inn on Gay Street. I was frustrated for a while because I couldn’t spot any lesbians I could hang out with (do all NYC lesbians just come out at night to go to bars/clubs???) but other than that, I felt great walking aimlessly in the city. The city lights and sounds really distracted me from feeling crappy.

And now to end on a lighter note: at the dorm we stayed in, my friend and I shared the elevator with a cute short-haired girl. We had a short conversation and I was interested in getting to know her better. Of course, I couldn’t get it off my mind and I ended up going to the floor where she got off and knocked on people’s doors asking if they knew her. When I finally found her roommate, I left a post-it with my number on it, saying the girl had dropped it in the elevator. Eventually, she called me and we met up. We spent a while talking, and I got to know her pretty well. I’m glad I was cocky enough to do that and I’m glad I made a new friend!

Kate

Wellesley College

I didn’t know anyone when I got to Wellesley, so I immediately threw myself into meeting people, doing things, and making friends. Over the past few months, I’ve gotten more comfortable analyzing my own feelings and my new relationships. While I feel that I’m basically the same as I was in high school, I’m learning how to interact in new, sometimes uncomfortable situations. So far, my experience at Wellesley is just that: my experience. I don’t presume to know everything about everyone who goes here, or to speak on behalf of anyone but myself. 

Growing up, my family was solidly middle class; I went to a good public school and I considered myself privileged in that respect. At Wellesley I’ve been hearing about yearly vacations to Morocco, Paris, and Cancun – luxuries I can’t relate to. I couldn’t afford to fly home for spring break this year and some people just couldn’t understand why. My roommate is the only person I’ve met who also went to public school, which is a much bigger deal than I thought it would be. I’ve even met some people who thought public school kids weren’t as smart or as motivated. I had thought that once I got to Wellesley, we’d all be doing the same work in the same place and our backgrounds wouldn’t matter; I realized that while I also came from a place of privilege, my close friends and I had differences that at times made me feel uncomfortable and out of place. I also questioned why I felt this way; the fact that someone has a horse or a boat doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or make them any less my friend. I realized I had some closed-minded ideas of my own to unpack.

Wellesley is remarkably diverse otherwise – we have a racially and ethnically diverse student and faculty body, a fantastic religious community, and obviously tons of queer kids. I am lucky to be able to say that the only thing close to othering I’ve felt on this campus is the difference in my educational background.

I’m getting over my holier-than-thou attitude about coming to Wellesley from public school, and I hope that ultimately I will do quality work and build strong friendships, and consequently make people think twice when they say that public schools aren’t worth their time.

Pages: 1 2See entire article on one page

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!