What Was Your AIM Screen Name and Do You Wanna Log Back On?

For those of us over a certain age, 90s nostalgia is hitting right now. Remember when it cost a few cents to send a text? When the Internet seemed so full of potential to positively transform society? When we were gracefully shielded from the truth because presidents didn’t have a tool to constantly let us all know their terrible inner thoughts, and we didn’t have a literally unlimited number of perfect-looking “regular” people with amazing lives to compare ourselves against?

Shelli started it, by posting a picture in our Slack of a laptop logged into 1997chat – a simple web service that allows you to relive the 90s by utilizing a clunky, basic instant messenger client that looks a lot like AIM, which everyone born between 1980 and 1995 (and surely lots of other folks as well) was using every single night. I asked out my first girlfriend over AIM! A lot of breakups also happened over AIM. Likely a lot of “cyber” sex, too. But mostly just good old wholesome chatting with friends!

Curious what your friendly Autostraddle writers and editors’ screen names were? Let’s surf the Information Superhighway back down memory lane!

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Shelli Nicole:
I downloaded this and It feels right

Drew Gregory:
Oo I am definitely going to join you
I just need to think of a screen name
I could keep SprtsFreek1224 from my elementary school days but I’m not trying to prove as much now

Shelli Nicole:
Wow I literally have aim up while writing an article as an out queer girl in my own apartment. My 14 year old self is so happy
Oh my original was seashellz59 :)

Vanessa:
mine was VeeGirlie12 and princezzvee

Archie:
Going back to my Age/sex/location roots

Christina Tucker:
Mine was… SwexyLlama77 for a while

valerie:
I had some… really embarrassing ones. My very first one, my mom made up for me, because I was in like 5th grade… it was AceReader. Though to be honest once I started choosing them on my own they weren’t much better. We had the very original ButterflyGirl713 and BroadwayGirl713 (worth noting here that my birthday is not, as these would suggest, July 13th), SportyAlien3 (Sporty Aliens 1 and 2 were my friends Lisa and Kasey. We were very into Sporty Spice and, well, aliens.)

Abeni:
mine was DratiniJ for a while, which is a pokemon
and then i had a lot with underscores and x’s in it. like xx_somber_mood_xx kinda stuff lol. i’m glad i don’t remember those ones verbatim

Malic White:
My screen name was horses4eva90, so I am required by law to be gay now.

Heather:
My AOL screenname was GeorgiaMntnBiker, which sums up several things about my personality that are still true to this day: I am very Southern, riding a bike is my favorite activity, and I have never been capable or interested in being coy. Whatcha see is whatcha get! 🚲

Kayla Kumari:
My AIM screenname was lovexpeacexunity and I have NO COMMENT

riese:
my first AIM Screen name was PopTartGod, because I loved pop tarts more than anything in the world

Rachel Lewis:
I do not remember my screen name but in case it’s helpful, I desperately wanted my screenname to involve “xxx” because I thought that’s what the cool girls had, and then my mom told me I couldn’t. I got pissed off at her, but then she finally explained that “xxx” referred to sex/porn/explicit content/etc and I was so embarrassed that that memory is stronger for me than my actual screenname itself.

sarah:
i was pinkskittle619 on AIM and then switched to mIzZgUrLiEgUrL when we got AOL

Bailey:
AOL was sybagirl. Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

Jehan:
I’m here to sheepishly report that my screen name was urbanbeauty13. I can’t even explain how much this choice makes me physically uncomfortable to this day 🤦🏾‍♀️

Kamala:
umm, mine was GRIF105 which was a baseball reference to Ken Griffey Jr. who I guess saw as like daddy inspiration, and this radio station in the bay area called Live105 which was where I listened to Nirvana, Bush, The Counting Crows, Weezer, Everclear and all my favorite bands. I was in a masc phase in 5th grade?

kaelyn:
I was Magenta512, for the character I most identified with from the Rocky Horror Picture Show (which yes, I’ve already unpacked exhaustively), Magenta. I also had a Sim named Magenta Curry around this time in my life.

Drew Gregory:
I just made my away message Fiona Apple lyrics and it was pure serotonin
I hope my sister doesn’t message Kori Denning on my account while I’m in the shower like she did when I was in 5th grade

rachel:
just thinking about hearing the door creaking sound effect has leveled me

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What was your screen name? Your buddy icon? Did you use glitter girls or BRATZ in your “profile?” How do you feel about it now? Are you gonna exit out of those group chats, log off of Twitter, and jump on the 1997 train to go back to the simpler times of AIM like we are, apparently, doing right now?

How Solace, the Transition App Designed by a Trans Woman, Will Lifehack Your Gender Transition

Despite assurances from the Human Rights Campaign, the insurance system surrounding a medical gender transition is still a thorny issue for Fortune 500 companies. Starbucks— the LGBTQ+ corporate inclusion behemoth—attracted a considerable working segment of the transgender community with re-vamped insurance policies that supposedly covered the “cosmetic” parts of the gender transition.

I started working at Starbucks part-time in fall 2018 with high hopes of getting a full-fledged rhinoplasty. The Seattle brewer beefed up its support system with an Office Space transgender liaison who shepherded baristas through the myriad of hurdles.

The reality? My liaison’s thoughtful responses were buried underneath a byzantine layer of corporate doublespeak gobbledygook. In Feb. 2020, a Twitter campaign confirmed the obvious. According to baristas, Starbucks didn’t live up to the trans savior hype.

Meanwhile, in some parts of the country, much-needed transgender assistance gets overwhelmed by LGBTQ+ social services geared primarily to the Gs. And that makes the medical gender transition seem even worse than it usually is, with few solutions actually propagated by transgender individuals who have completed a full transition in positions of power.

All of which explains why gender transition apps have been the next frontier for Silicon Valley developers.

Evergreen State tech entrepreneur Robbi Katherine Anthony is one of the people hoping to solve the struggles that exist for transgender individuals in the 21st century. Billed as the gender transition app, her company Solace was launched at last year’s LGBTQIA Hackathon in Austin, Tex.

The homey Oprah-style graphics immediately pop out at the user. The tone is soft, but the second page gets into the nitty-gritty. There’s aggregated information about how to buy a bra or update your gender marker with the DMV.

As a trans woman, Anthony has struggled herself. She’s a graphic design and IT support guru, who knows the importance of simplicity in a complicated gender transition. When she pulled Solace together, she filled up the interface with buttons that light up in a cherry blossom pink color for completed transition-related tasks. The interior, designed with the elements of a Siri-inspired virtual assistant, eventually gives way to more complex procedures such as laser hair removal.

Gatekeeping, the practice of doctors sometimes shrouding certain aspects of the gender transition behind their own ingrained biases of the gender construct, occasionally prevents trans patients from wading deeper into their transitions. The process varies wildly from state to state, so the trans patient can’t fully know whether the promised content is being fully delivered.

According to Anthony, Solace aims to present a comprehensive compendium that allows the latest state guidelines to be aggregated piecemeal. With new projects such as a local guide to gender transitions through Medicaid recently unveiled, Autostraddle decided to touch base with Anthony about new projects on the horizon in 2020. This interview took place over the phone on March 10, 2020. It was conducted before the Coronavirus lockdown and has been edited for length and clarity.

Autostraddle: So starting off, could you tell us how big Solace is?

Robbi Katherine Anthony: We have coverage in all 50 states. We’re looking to expand into Mexico and New Zealand later this year. We’re still in the first half of that proverbial bell curve. We’re really happy with the growth and there’s still a long way to go to reach that goal. It really exceeded our expectations. In terms of the user goal we set for 2020, we’re already eclipsed 60 percent for that.

In your experience, how have Silicon Valley executives been in terms of treating you as an equal? I imagine there’s rampant transphobia in a predominantly cisgender white male workspace.

That’s the interesting thing about going the non-profit route. We circumnavigated those traditional gatekeepers. We’re based in Spokane, Washington. The Silicon Valley types aren’t really out here in full-force. Discrimination runs rampant. Investors generally invest in people who look like them. Going the non-profit route, we were able to go around these gatekeepers and raise money from foundations and individual grants. It’s our way of kind of cheating the system.

So I don’t know much about gender transitions outside of my personal experience. With my transition, there are so many moving variables and goalposts. How is Solace able to navigate the highly individualized variables in a gender transition?

When you go through registration, there may be a couple of gender transition goals that you want to add to your list. By no means are they mandatory. You really can build the list that makes the most sense for you. We also have special filters within Solace. It gives users more individualized content based on the state in which they live and pronouns that they use. In future releases, we’re hoping to expand the concept and get into the county level with legal and medical.

Insurance has frustrated me with this gender transition. Even if you have really good insurance with transgender benefits, you have to fight denials. Does Solace have the technology to navigate the arcane insurance nuances that prevent a lot of people from transitioning?

We have a resource in Solace that speaks to insurance in terms of Medicare and being eligible for that. We also speak to getting a private plan or employer plan. We cover the different situations in saying this is something to look out for. Here are the right protocols and the language that they’re going to use. Here are the questions to ask if you’re going through an employer. Here are the laws to be aware of.

So will Solace be able to really articulate the nuances of insurance? When I attempted a gender transition at Starbucks, their corporate transgender support person was still clueless about the insurance rigmarole. I know that insurance is proprietary information, too. Do you see addressing the complexities of insurance as really workable with an app?

Yeah, I do. Currently, we’re a team of two. Our bandwidth is really constrained. As we grow and raise more money with grants, I see us hiring more people that could really flesh out the answers and help navigate. We currently try to put all that information out there and allow people to parse through it. We also have the functionality with Solace that allows people to enter in certain aspects of their life. It generates a very nuanced way to approach these things. It’s a bit of an open question. I definitely see us being able to approach it. At present, Solace has 200,000 words in it. We’ll definitely hit 250,000 words by the end of the year. In the upcoming years, I can see us around 500,000 to even a million words. The insurance part is something that we’re aware of and we’re trying to move as fast as possible.

Have users been frustrated with the unsolved insurance conundrums in Solace?

We’ve heard back from a few people about parts they wanted to flesh out more. We’ve had people point out inaccuracies. There’s a button at the bottom where people can report inaccuracy. It’s a very small percentage of our user base. Every time we get those messages, we double down.

Since you only have two people on staff, are you looking to add more members to your team?

Yeah, I’d like to add at least one more full-time employee this year. Naturally, I expect us to get bigger as time goes on and the money’s there. At the very least, I see us becoming a team of three or four in 2020. With our growth and income on the pattern, we hope to keep growing.

What are some of the features in development and how will they be affected by the upcoming election? Do you believe that Joe Biden would be supportive?

In terms of features, we have a dashboard online that demonstrates some of that upcoming development. One of the things that we’re working on is a Web-only version of Solace. It’s not a complete copy of the app. It’s a different articulation of it. That’s just ensuring that more people can use it in ways that they’re comfortable with. We’re also working on a printed edition of Solace. That’s going to be for educators, professionals, school counselors, and support groups. We’re working on our second flagship application and hopefully releasing it by the end of 2020. In terms of the political scenario, we’re obviously very attuned to the news and how things change. We’ll just brace for impact based on the election. We’re generally not reactionary. We try to be very pro-active in how we approach these things. Let’s say there’s a change in the executive branch. It’s probably not going to change a whole lot in Solace until actual laws get changed.

So can you talk about this new flagship Bliss app or is it still under development?

Bliss is targeting another problem that we’ve recognized as an inhibitor in a transition. We started with a market research survey and asked: “What are the things that have held you back from a gender transition?” The top three items included a lack of access to reliable information, which is something Solace addresses. The second item was financial. Being able to afford a transition is a pretty tall order and not everyone can do that. Bliss seeks to address that problem. The third problem is the community. We are trying to cultivate the social connections that are important for the transition. We’re not sharing the feature sets right yet. We’re still very early in the development process.

I’ve researched this financial issue extensively. I talked to a transgender wealth manager on the West Coast. He sometimes advises his clients to take on more debt, which is an unconventional viewpoint. The severity of gender dysphoria sometimes requires that. Is that something you find with Solace users? Should people be putting themselves into more debt for a gender transition?

I can’t say I found a lot of evidence to support that. I haven’t focused on answering that specific question. We will be using a different financial tool and it will not put our users into debt or recommend they go into debt. I do understand the logic there. I’m in a conjecture valley right now. You would want to go through a gender transition as quickly and expeditiously as possible. It will create a better quality of life and make your job prospects easier. The debt can be repaid faster post-transition versus trying to piecemeal it. I do have a theory there. I don’t know if I’m a firm believer in it myself. You’re essentially taking a mortgage out on your most authentic self. I give credence to that.

Could you talk about your experience at the LGBT Hackathon? I’d be interested to hear about the marketing channels that exist for a gender transition app.

We’ve been really lucky that we haven’t engaged in traditional marketing yet. We see a spike in users whenever we speak to the press. We’ve got really good word-of-mouth right now. We’ve seen our user count consistently climb without lifting a finger. And part of our plan is that we would tap into the existing networks that are out there. There are communities that want to work with the transgender community and they have these channels. By virtue of being a non-profit and not monetizing our users, it governs how we spend marketing dollars because we don’t get an immediate return on investment. If I was to drop $10,000 on marketing, I wouldn’t have a way to recoup that. I sometimes reach out to people by email or groups at bigger companies Thus far, that’s what has been fueling our growth. It’s word-of-mouth. It’s a really wonderful multiplier effect.

As you look to grow further, how do you balance the capitalist realities with operating as a non-profit?

We’re pretty heavily reliant on grants. We’re a fiscally sponsored project of a larger non-profit. And then, we just have some faithful and fearless donors. They give to us on a recurring or one-time basis. The combination of all that has provided us with a budget and what we need to do. It’s extraordinarily lean. I am not getting rich off of this. It’s a little bit of luck, timing and a lot of financial savvy in getting the right people in the right roles.

Last question. I live in Nashville. And I know it’s worse in other parts of the South with gender transitions. How have you managed to address the gender transition deserts that exist in the Deep South?

Two things. Solace is very secure. There’s definitely trust that we are able to proliferate in those areas. There’s not a concern about this information being published anywhere. Secondly, we write our content in a very cautious tone. The worst-case scenario is our starting point to coach you from point A to point B.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons and 15 Other Anxiety-Busting Video Games

In December, I made a list of chill video games to play if you are a person whose anxiety has made it kind of impossible to play games with guns and stabbing. That list seems more relevant than ever — because of our need to mentally escape for a little while from our current global pandemic, because many of us are self-quarantined, and because Animal Crossing: New Horizons just came out. So! I have adapted my end-of-year-list into a more comprehensive list with newer and older games. Please comment with your favorite anxiety-busting games.

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Animal Crossing: New Horizons

I can’t remember the last time so many people I know and love have been as excited about a video game as they were about Animal Crossing: New Horizons. And they were excited before it turned out, according to basically everyone, it’s the game we need right now as we muddle through so much uncertainty and isolation. Animal Crossing is basically a society-building simulation, but way cuter than the actual Sims. You’re an adorable little cartoon person who doesn’t even have to pick a gender — just a style — and you arrive on a deserted island with some small-stakes tasks that will allow you to pay off Tom Nook, the swindling raccoon who brought you here, and along the way you make so many friends and catch so many fish and dig up so many fossils and basically build an entire community with your own hands and kind heart. It’s a wonderful diversion.

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Stardew Valley

An 8-bit farming sim that has won the allegiance of everyone who’s ever played it, and it just keeps getting updated with more and more cool stuff! Stardew Vallery is sweet and fun and it’s got so much soul. Besides the farming and mining and fishing and raising animals and crafting and battling bouncing monsters, Stardew Valley is a rich world of character building. Nearly everyone in town has their own story arc that you learn, piece by piece, as you level up your friendships. Plus, there are twelve romanceable players! Six guys and six gals and gender isn’t a barrier to any romantic option. As a bonus, you can totally destroy capitalism in the town. If that’s your thing. It’s definitely my thing.

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Lonely Mountains: Downhill

Many of us are staying put inside for now — but here’s a video game that lets you ride a bike! By yourself! Down a hill! That’s it, that’s the game. You start at the top of a mountain or hill or incline and then you just have to make it to the bottom. It’s really cathartic, probably even if you don’t ride a bike in real life.

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Journey

Journey is, to put it simply, a work of art. You’re a robed and mysterious figure who starts in a desert and travels across various terrains on your way to and up a distant mountain. The controls are simple, the visuals are stunning, and for a side-scroller, it’s deeply immersive. It seems, at first, like you’re alone, but slowly other creatures come to your aid in magical and touching ways. I don’t actually want to say much about the plot, because Journey is really about the experience, as cliche as that sounds, and if you’ll give yourself over to it for even a handful of hours, you will find the payoff of staying grounded in the game’s world cathartic beyond your wildest imagination.

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A Short Hike

Like Lonely Mountains: Downhill, the title really says it all: the whole point of this game is to go on a short hike to find phone service — but once you set out, an entire world opens up to you, full of beautiful places and lovely characters. There’s no right or wrong way to play. There’s no real repercussions for doing or not doing anything. You don’t even die if you fall off the edge of the world!

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Islanders

It’s a civilization builder in which no one in your civilization can die! (Take that, Frostfall!) Islanders is simply a minimalist strategy game full of bright colors and chill music. It actually gave me ASMR tingles every time I played it.

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What the Golf

If you like puns and physics and absurdity, you should play What the Golf. It will make you laugh, I promise.

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The Sims 4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z00mK3Pxc8w

Everyone I’ve ever met has some kind of story about nearly destroying their college careers or relationships because they got so addicted to playing Sims. Good news: You’re older now, and wiser, and The Sims still has the power to transport you.

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Pokémon Sword / Pokémon Shield

I honestly thought, at this point, Pokémon couldn’t do anything to surprise me! Well, I was wrong! Sword and Shield is all nostalgia, come to life in a brand new way. And it was the best thing going on Twitter in 2019, besides maybe Baby Yoda.

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Sky: Children of the Light

You could actually forget you’re playing this game on your phone (which is the only place you can play it for now), is how good it is. It’s thatgamecompany’s follow-up to Journey, and it’s kind of the same thing. Sky: Children of the Light  is an adventure full of healing quests. There’s a multiplayer component, but you can only be nice. And dang, that’s a relief.

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Kind Words

I’m not generally into multiplayers, but in this dear and gentle game, you write kind letters to other people and they write kind letters back to you, while you listen to “lo-fi chill beats.” You have to be weirdly vulnerable to play this game, and so do the people playing with you. It’s very moving.

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Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

If you’re one of those people who bought a Switch just for your quarantine, I’ve got good news for you: Breath of the Wild is every bit as brilliant as you’ve heard. You do have to do some stabbings, but never to other humans, and when you do destroy monsters, they just POOF! away. No blood. Breath of the Wild‘s world is huge — both vertically and horizontally — and mesmerizing. You’ll be lost (in a good way) inside it in no time. And while you could rush through the story in 20 hours, you could also take your time and easily enjoy hundreds of hours inside Link’s world. Collect everything. Upgrade everything. Seek out all of your missing memories. Conquer every single one of the standalone puzzles. You won’t be sorry.

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Katamari Damacy Reroll

If you missed this weird and wonderful game in the early aughts, now’s your chance to make up for lost time. (If you didn’t miss it, it’s as wacky and fun and ridiculous as it was when you played it the first time.) All you have to do is rebuild the stars, constellations, and moon by rolling around in different worlds and picking up different objects. You start small with thumbtacks and end up collecting things as big as mountains. It’s a silly and consuming diversion.

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Untitled Goose Game

The best video game of the 2019, hands down. HONK!

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Classic Nintendo Games

There are lots of ways to play classic Nintendo games, and you can’t go wrong with any of them. I’ve recently finally joined Nintendo Online to do a co-op Stardew Valley farm and was pleased to discover a zillion games from my youth at my fingertips. I fired up Super Mario World and it was as almost as awesome as the first time I turned it on in 1990. Nostalgia alone makes playing some classic NES games worth it, but many of the games actually still hold up! And now you can save and eat dinner without losing your place!

Duolingo is Gay! And It Could Be Gayer!

Duolingo exists to teach me French – supposedly.

The year after I studied abroad I used it every day like a meditative practice. It didn’t improve my fluency but it helped me maintain where I was at as I hoped to someday get back to France. Then I missed a day and – after weighing the likelihood of upcoming international travel – I didn’t open the app for five years.

When I decided to start using Duolingo again last month it wasn’t because I thought I’d be going to a French-speaking country anytime soon. It was literally just to displace my impulse to check Twitter during a stressful election. I was trading the blue bird app for the green bird app.

The most delightful change to the language learning tool in my absence was the addition of a section called Duolingo Stories. These simple narratives that gradually introduce new vocab remind me of the Bob Books I read in pre-school. This way of learning a language makes way more sense to me than the sometimes very random sentences in the main part of the app.

ALSO they’re funny, surprisingly progressive, and even gay???

That’s right. Story #6 titled “Honeymoon” is very gay. Not with a Disney-style exclusively gay moment, but with some actual textual Le mot L dyke drama. (According to IMDb it was just called L Word in France but let me have this.)

The story begins with Sophie dans un taxi and the cab driver is like bonjour or whatever and she’s like take me to the airport, s’il vous plait. Not reading her vibe the driver is all chatty and asks if she’s traveling for work. Now if you’re a new French speaker this might be difficult because travail means work, not travel, but I am not a new French speaker so I was just like cab driver her tone did not imply the desire for conversation please stop talking.

ANYWAY. Sophie is in a state and so she’s like, fine you want to talk let’s talk. I have a ticket to Toulouse – I have DEUX billets pour Toulouse. The cab driver still not reading her tone is like I love Toulouse and Sophie doesn’t skip a beat to say that actually she’s on her honeymoon!

The cab driver is nosy AND heteronormative so he asks where her husband is. Sophie is like actually MA FEMME and also that’s not even the issue here because my gay wife isn’t coming with me! Finally, Sophie admits this has not been a good day!!

The cab driver apologizes and it’s like yeah dude this is why you need to learn to read tone!

They arrive at the airport and at this point I’m on the edge of my seat. What happened with Sophie’s wife?? Why is Sophie still going on her honeymoon??

We do not learn the answers to these questions BUT Sophie’s wife Marie is at the airport. She says she’s désolée. She’s says je t’aime. Sophie says je t’aime aussi. And then they’re off to Toulouse!

I’m so glad these two worked things out. I’m sure they’re going to have a great marriage.

I’ve finished the first three sets of ten stories and so far this is the only one that’s explicitly gay. But there are SEVENTEEN sets and I see no reason why there can’t be more of this much needed representation. Here are some of the titles I’ve yet to unlock and what I’m hoping they’re about.

“It’s My Ex!” – The options with this one are endless. My guess is une jeune femme and another jeune femme have just started dating and things are going great. But then they start talking about their most recent exes and UH OH it’s the same person!

“The New Teacher” – This one must be a coming-of-age story about a little baby lesbienne who falls hard for her professeure. She’s so distracted by her teacher crush she doesn’t realize her best friend is in love with her!

“A Very Bad Movie” – I’m imagining a couple of dykes go see the latest buzzed about gay movie only to be disappointed that it’s just two femme femmes having male gaze make outs and then one of them dies.

“Long-Distance Relationship” – I’m thinking a classic love story between a queer in the US and a queer in France who meet on Instagram and it ends with them deciding to move in even though they’ve only been together in person once. It was a magical week! Ne juge pas !

“Camping” – No description nécessaire.

If I needed an excuse not to check Twitter during the election, I certainly need it during a global pandemic. Maybe you do too. And if along the way we improve our language skills? Well, that’s great! And if the stories are gay?? Encore mieux !

Dice for Every Kind of Queer Dungeons & Dragons Player

There are a lot of reasons to get into D&D. With roleplaying games making a resurgence, queer people in particular have found countless opportunities for community, fantasy, and world-building within these incredible and diverse gaming platforms. We can be anyone that we want to be, giving ourselves magical powers, incredible strength, and whatever pronouns, names, and bodies feel right for us. It’s truly a gift, and if you’re lucky enough to find yourself a group of people that you can explore with, the temptation to stay in those worlds forever is very, very real.

But one of the most enduring pleasures of the game is a simple one — buying dice. Small, shiny, and so very pretty, RPG dice are infinitely collectible. Whether you want the resounding thud of a giant metal d20 or prefer the delicate grace of teeny tiny acrylic sets, whether you color-coordinate your dice to each character or keep them all jumbled in one giant bag that’s large enough to store tools in, the craving for new sets never really goes away. And while I’m sure there are players out there that only use one or two sets and are able to somehow withstand the endless temptation to buy more, why would you deny yourself this one simple pleasure? Friend, you deserve some gorgeous dice to roll when you’re storming the castle, arguing with a dragon, or flirting with that drow chick that your DM refuses to rank on a scale of hotness (but you’re confident is an 11).

We all play a little differently. I’m the annoying one who wants to look into every nook and cranny, roll arcana checks every five minutes, and steal books. Heather likes talking to animals and is the only one in our party who manages to be nice to strangers; Nic is an absolute badass in combat and can take out powerful enemies with just a few hits; Smita refuses to share her clever warlock’s rogue-like backstory but clearly has some juicy secrets; and Valerie takes meticulous and hilarious notes that have saved our asses on multiple occasions. No matter the adventure, dice are both mandatory for play and a constant source of delight. And no matter what kind of character you play or player you become, there’s a set of dice out there that are perfect for you.

Behold, dice porn in the form of a vague personality test: dice for every kind of queer D&D player.

The Investigator

1 / Aurora borealis set 2 / Clear quartz engraved gemstone set 3 / Iconic white set  4 / Opalite gemstone set from Critical Role 5 / Pearly gates set  6 / Synthetic clear quartz gemstone set

Always thoroughly examining door frames, looking under beds, and checking for traps, this player relies on high perception and constant awareness to find every little thing that may be lurking. They also may be the best notetaker at the table. Clear or white dice are a great fit as these colors are associated with safety and protection, and clear quartz in particular specifically aids in manifestation and perception.

The Bleeding Heart

1 / Paladin’s virtue glitter set 2 / Gold dust set 3 / Gold starlight set 4 / Dwarven satin gold set 5 / Lotus eaters pink metal set 6 / Rose quartz set

Ready to save every animal, child, and injured person they find, this player is known for their kindness and compassion, potentially both inside and outside the game. And while this tendency sometimes backfires, often this player encourages their group to form allies and build communities, leading to encounters that would never happen otherwise. Pale pink dice may help amplify love for the self and community, while gold dice can boost both compassion and courage. And if you’re ready for a splurge, rose quartz dice are just about perfect.

The Hothead

1 / Aged bronze metal set 2 / Graphite set 3 / Mini trial by fire metal set 4 / Critical failure set 5 / Ancient iron set 6 / Mechanical style set
More interested in throwing punches than asking questions, this is someone that isn’t afraid to charge forward and get a little messy. They may be impulsive and could sometimes cause some conflicts or fights that shift the narrative, but they also get shit done and make strong, decisive character choices. Plus, it’s always great to have someone on the front lines who isn’t afraid to take a few hits. Go for heavy, metal dice that feel powerful and decisive, especially since iron is connected to physical strength and grey can bring a sense of stoic calm.

The Charmer

1 / Vortex burgundy set 2 / Fragments of the sun set 3 / Hematite gemstone set 4 / Molten core set 5 / Rose petal set 6 / Crimson midnight set
Regardless of their character building choices or final charisma score, this player is the first to speak up when an NPC asks a question, the one most confident in their ability to negotiate or persuade. Whether they’re sharing jokes to lighten the mood or pouring on the charm and compliments, this is someone that can help smooth over difficult conversations and get even the most bristly character on their side. Utilize some distractingly beautiful or sparkly dice, especially if they’re burgundy or maroon, colors that are tied to ambition and creativity.

The Newbie

1 / Black and gold set with pen 2 / Mystic unicorn set 3 / Sapphire skies set 4 / Hops beer set from artisan dice 5 / Night circus set 6 / Shards of night set
Eager to use their newly discovered spells and anxious to prove themselves, newbies often fall into two camps: hesitant to make a mistake or eager to see exactly what they can do. Whether they’re using brand new spells or double-checking their options during combat, it can be so much fun to watch someone realize just how much is possible during a game. Any dice color that makes them feel brave and empowered is perfect for newbies, especially sets that come with multiple D20s for advantage and disadvantage throws. (Warn them that constantly buying dice comes with the territory, and watch them excitedly reveal a new set at every session.)

The Creative

1 / Amethyst gemstone set 2 / Stone of the princess set 3 / Synthetic turquoise gemstone set 4 / Purple heart wooden set 5 / Ethereal phoenix set 6 / Sunset set

Utilizing spells in unexpected ways or coming up with surprising and delightful methods to outsmart NPCs and puzzles, this player approaches problems and conflicts in ways that showcase the brilliance of the game, encouraging others to think outside the box and try new things. Their ideas may not always pan out, but they bring delight to every table, and may cause your DM to laugh, sigh, or go diving for the PHB. Go for brilliant gemstones like amethyst that boost ambition, or orange dice that can provide extra warmth and determination.

The Strategist

1 / Cleric’s domain metal set 2 / Center arc metal set 3 / Silver and blue metal set 4 / Cadet blue set 5 / Archimedes set 6 / Dragon red and black set

Drawing maps, asking thoughtful questions, and making plans for the future, this player is always thinking ten steps ahead of the current conflict. Brilliant with the structure of the game while able to think beyond RAW, the strategist is an invaluable part of any team. Also takes great notes, with special attention to detail. Framed out metal dice or another set that’s easy to read are great for this player, with blue tones connecting to stability and red amplifying leadership and willpower.

The Storyteller

1 / Coral fossil set 2 / Holy weapon set 3 / Purple fluorite gemstone dice 4 / Faux coral set 5 / Freshly squeezed set 6 / Topaz black magic set

Creative, engaging, and brilliant at role-playing, this person fully sinks into whatever character they’re playing. They spot hooks and clues, dialogue beautifully with other players, and help keep the narrative moving in fun and inclusive ways. If you’re lucky, this person is also your DM. Yellow dice can bring a sense of joy and positivity, and coral dice can help with creativity. And for the fanciest game masters, don’t miss these purple fluorite gemstone dice, which can aid in both balance and quick decision-making.

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Which kind of player are you, and what types of players did I miss? What are your favorite dice to roll, and which sets are you lusting over? Let us know in the comments!

5 Things You Should Know About Latina Lesbian Superhero Renee Montoya Before “Birds of Prey”

This weekend, when Birds of Prey lands in wide release, we will finally see Renee Montoya on the big screen, where she deserves to be! Not only is Montoya the first Latina lead and lesbian lead in a DC film, she also has an iconic history, including being one of the first and most celebrated lesbian comic book characters of all time. Here are five things you need to know about her before you hit the theater.

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1. Renee Montoya was invented for Batman: The Animated Series in the early 1990s.

There are countless iterations of Gotham City in the Batman canon, but one pretty standard fact about Bruce Wayne’s hometown is that the police force is corrupt as hell. Batman: The Animated Series conceived Renee Montoya to stand in stark opposition to the casual extortion and bribery and perpetuation of crime that took place inside GCPD, even partnering her with Harvey Bullock, who was originally a foil for Commissioner Gordon. Montoya is a fresh-faced officer in the animated series, and one of the few allies Batman has within the force. She’s also a serious badass, able to fend off multiple foes singlehandedly and unarmed! She even has a character-defining Éowyn moment in the episode “P.O.V.,” in which Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy — self-proclaimed “Queens of Crime” — claim that no man can capture them, and in fact no man does. It is Renee Montoya who brings them down.

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2. But she didn’t become a fully realized character until Gotham Central in 2002.

Greg Rucka and Ed Brubaker created Gotham Central to explore an “honest” unit of the GCPD that worked with the same morality as Batman to fight crime in the city. Rucka pulled Renee Montoya off the sidelines and gave her the most universally lauded story arc in the book’s run (and, honestly, in the non-superhero DC canon). “Half a Life,” which comprises issues #6–#10, fully pulls readers into Renee’s life, and not just her cop life. Renee is a closeted lesbian with a super religious family. In “Half a Life,” she’s outed, shunned by her fellow officers, disowned by her family, and kidnapped by Two-Face.

The way the book is written and drawn is all empathy for Montoya, and unapologetic villainizing of every homophobe she runs up against. Her breakdown in her girlfriend Daria’s car after she’s outed is, to this day, a visual kick in the guts. Rucka’s portrayal of Montoya was, at the time, the most nuanced and sympathetic storytelling any LGBTQ character had ever received in a DC or Marvel book. No small feat, as the effects of 1954’s Comics Code Authority — which forbade “Sex perversion [gayness or transness] or any inference to same is strictly forbidden” — are still rippling out in storytelling, from comic books to TV to big screen films, to this day.

Renee leaves GCPD and it’s corruption behind at the end of “Half a Life.”

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3. Renee Montoya is famous for being Kate Kane’s girlfriend.

When Kate Kane came out to audiences as a lesbian in 2006’s 52 (issue #7), she did so by running into her ex-girlfriend, Renee Montoya. When Renee realizes she’s going to have to question Kate about a case she’s working on, she showers multiple times (using fancy soap), shines her boot, irons her shirt, and broods about how good they were at “pushing each other’s buttons.” From that point on, Batwoman, who’d been literally erased from the Batverse since 1985, outstripped Montoya in popularity — taking over Detective Comics, getting her own GLAAD Award-winning book (with a foreword written by Rachel Maddow), and ultimately going on to star in her own solo TV series. With very few exceptions, Montoya is Kate’s go-to girlfriend in comics and on-screen.

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4. But she was a lesbian superhero before Batwoman!

Renee Montoya may start out — and be reborn repeatedly — as a GCPD cop or detective, but she also almost always quits the force in protest. In Greg Rucka’s 52, she is aimless and depressed in the wake of her decision to leave her job as a detective. She doesn’t know who she is. But she runs into a masked vigilante named The Question (aka Vic Sage), repeatedly, and agrees to help him take down the Religion of Crime. When Vic dies of Lung Cancer, he asks Renee to carry on his legacy. “It’s a trick question Renee — Not who you are — But who you are going to become? — Time to change — Like a butterfly.” And she does.

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5. Renee Montoya has been on-screen a lot — but never had her due.

Unfortunately, and despite her lauded story arcs over the years in DC’s comics, Renee has never been given the respect she deserves on-screen. She appears in the 2016 DC Universe Animated Original Movie, Batman: Bad Blood, but only as a romantic interest for Kate. She was a regular character on Fox’s 2014 live-action series Gotham, but she was pigeonholed as Barbara Kean’s ex-girlfriend and then unceremoniously dumped from the show without reason or explanation. When Birds of Prey announced that they’d cast legend Rosie Perez in the role, I had — and still have! — high hope that the role will finally get the levity it deserves on-screen.

Perez would love to suit up as The Question eventually. She told Heroic Hollywood: “That would be amazing. I think that being of a certain age I could bring a lot of gravitas to that. Once she becomes The Question, it seems that all of the childhood trauma that she’s still holding on to and the anger from it of being betrayed, outed and passed over with that mask that she puts on…. she’s able to just break free and be fearless. She’s fearless already, but it would be a heightened level. That would be amazing.”

It sure would! Until then, Birds of Prey opens in wide release this Friday, February 7.

If You Delete Your Texts, How Do You Save Your Receipts?

It’s the last Friday of 2019 and we, here at Autostraddle, have a very important question for you: Do you save all your text messages?

A follow-up: If you don’t save all your text messages, how do you save your receipts?

Also: If you don’t care about saving texts and/or receipts, how on earth do you settle any dyke drama that may enter your life?

And: Are you a minimalist or a maximalist when it comes to your contacts?

Okay listen I have more questions but I’m gonna let this conversation speak for itself. We got into all this and more in Slack recently – please enjoy this absolutely ridiculous group check-in about our phone-related behavior and then hop into the comments and tell us who you relate to most in this exchange.

XOXO, GOSSIP GIRL

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Shelli Nicole: Y’all — did you know you can finally search through text messages in iMessages

Jehan: WAIT. Like in a thread?

Shelli Nicole: YES!
Just swipe down in the messages and type a word and any convo it’s come up in appears!
TIME TO UNLOCK NEW LEVELS OF PETTY AND HAVE COPIOUS RECEIPTS! No more screenshotting!

Dani Janae: Oooooo

Drew Gregory: I AM THRILLED
I wonder how far back it goes…

valerie: welcome to my world of PULLING RECEIPTS. signed, an android user.
i’m happy for y’all

Shelli Nicole: If only this were around during mybig break-up

Christina Tucker: Wait…hasn’t this always been a thing??

Shelli Nicole: I don’t think so? I’ve tried in the past but I could also be terribly mistaken

Drew Gregory: There’s always been a search function but it barely worked and now it seems to actually work

Christina Tucker: okay yes
that tracks
it SOMETIMES worked

Shelli Nicole: Well now that it does I’m ready to win all future arguments

Drew Gregory: The biggest change is it shows you multiple searches for the same person! It used to only show the most recent one and would drive me crazy

Shelli Nicole: “— and right here is when you said you would in fact, not, be on that bullshit — but here we are”

Christina Tucker: YES that was THE WORST
As a person who used to send MANUAL read receipts when I had an android, I live for this kind of pettiness at my fingertips

Drew Gregory: I’m terrified of someone looking through my photos not because I care about nudes but because of all the convos I’ve screenshotted

Christina Tucker: SAME

Jehan: easily a top 5 fear

valerie: do iphones not automatically put screenshots in a separate folder??

Shelli Nicole: Yes titled “when I was right”

valerie: lolol

Christina Tucker: “I win again”

vanessa: Valerie they do now but they still get mixed in sometimes
This is hilarious and Drew I agree
I will say it kills me every time there’s an iPhone update and I can TELL the update was created to help us be more petty
Like user feedback was clearly “HELP ME BE A PETTY BITCH”
I’m user
Anyhow when they came up with the ability to screenshot and send it and then delete it immediately without even saving to your film roll I was like “oh I am Seen”

carolyn: *whispers* does anyone else just… delete their texts

Shelli Nicole: Every day for some reason! I only keep the text of my group chat of besties, my mama, myself and of whomever I’ve been hanging out with/sleeping with that I talk to lots
I also only have 15 contacts saved in my phone by first initial only!
Idk I’m a double Taurus who loves a good minimal moment

[redacted: actual screenshot of Shelli’s contact list, which looks exactly like how she just described!]

vanessa: Shelli how are you keeping all these receipts with only 15 contacts?!?!?!?
I want Shelli and Carolyn to write how-to’s on having minimalist phones

Drew Gregory: This is blowing my mind. As someone who has never deleted a text thread. And has photos on my phone going back to my first iPhone aka 2015.
And I have so many contacts who I have no idea who they are.

Shelli Nicole: I save them in an album on my phone and title them of the person lol

carolyn: I had text threads back to 2015 and then I turned someone them into zines, and THEN I got divorced, and now I delete every conversation that isn’t in progress or has remaining action items. If someone says something especially fucked up and I want to remember, I screenshot it and then back that up to not-my-phone and still delete it from my phone. Same with someone who says something sweet/great/important to remember but that I keep on the device for longer

Christina Tucker: I have NEVER IN MY LIFE DELETED A TEXT THREAD
I need the archives!!!!

Abeni: i recently got a new phone and felt like organizing my contacts. i had hundreds and hundreds in there, every single contact going back like 10 years! i had dozens in there that just said “first name OKC” or “first name Tinder.” dozens that i had no idea who they were. students i hadn’t taught in 10 years.
anyway i cleaned it out! but i couldn’t never go as far as y’all damn. i’ve never deleted a text! and i have never found a need to keep receipts. I don’t think I’ve ever screenshotted a text convo except with that person’s permission bc what we said to each other was funny?

Drew Gregory: I NEED to start adding Tinder after the names of people from Tinder
I’m so naive and am always like well it’s just a matter of time until I learn their last name and then shocker we stop texting and now my contacts are filled with random first names I don’t know

rachel: I still have the contact saved for Roman, the truly awful Ukrainian real estate agent who found my friends and I an apartment with a slumlord in 2010
I almost call him by accident maybe once a month

Drew Gregory: I accidentally called this random person I worked on set with four years prior and then panicked and blocked her number. And then ran into her at a party literally that night and she was like “…hi? Nice to see you again. Did you call me this morning??”

Abeni: I have a thing where I have to put in a last name for every contact. I do the awkward thing of asking for someone’s last name when I meet them just to have it in there, and I often get a like, “why do you need to know this? so you can stalk me on facebook?” but I’m not even on facebook! I just like my contacts to be neat

carolyn: I for sure also want last names. Or if it’s a tinder thing it’ll be [first name] [time we’re meeting] [place we’re meeting] [fact about them i need to remember if any]

Abeni: carolyn! that’s brilliant

carolyn: thank you! i’m bad at remembering when someone is new but good at setting things up so i don’t have to

valerie: Yeah I usually put some kind of clue as their last name in my phone. I don’t usually delete anything (emails get archived, files get put into an “archive” folder) because I’m a digital hoarder but I recently was so frustrated with People as a concept I ended up deleting 90% of my text threads. BUT I still have my screenshot folder of both receipts that need keeping and extra sweet things people say.

Heather: oh wow. i have my iphone set up to delete any text message over 30 days old. aren’t y’all afraid you’ll accidentally use up all your storage on text messages and miss a chance to capture important photos of life milestones like when your cat gets a new heated bed, then sleeps in it for the first time, then sleeps in it for the second time, then sleeps on it for a third time, etc.

vanessa: this has been the funniest truest thread we’ve ever had, i think?

riese: i also never delete texts!
also this conversation made me laugh out loud 45 times

vanessa: it truly is a capsule of each of us
FWIW i have accidentally flashed strangers and MY MOTHER nudes in the past week because i can’t be bothered to hide anything properly or delete anything ever
my nudes, to be clear
not sure if that is more or less horrifying
i’m careful with other peoples nudes!!! YOU CAN TRUST ME WITH YOUR NUDES. just not my own i suppose.

Sally: Heather, I hate to break your logic, but it would take several hundred pages of pure text to take up as much space as one cat picture

Shelli Nicole: I store my nudes in a separate calculator app for future use

vanessa: shelli you are a goddamn genius and i want ALL your iphone storage tips
“a separate calculator app” WHAT??
i store all my nudes of myself in…my camera roll
where my mother can accidentally swipe on them while looking at bridesmaid dress options
i store everyone ELSE’S nudes in a secret hidden folder or i just don’t download them and leave them in our text chats
which is part of why i would never delete a text thread!

Shelli Nicole: I’m ready and waiting for someone to leak some nudes I sent because the only thing my iOS press release will say is “you’re welcome”

Abeni: heather, i was gonna say what sally’s saying. texts take up no space. i also pay however many $ a month for icloud photo storage. i have never had to worry about space on my phone and can always get the cheapest model with no storage space bc i’ve never once used up storage on my phone
i don’t take or receive enough nudes to have a protocol BUT i found out recently in ios you can long press on a photo in your camera roll and it allows you to put them in a “hidden” folder!!! i don’t remember how to go back and find them later lol but it’s great for when you’re showing someone a pic and they’re a nosy-ass swiper.
speaking of, we all agree that the correct way to act is when someone shows you a pic on their phone you don’t swipe around AT ALL right??? though i’ve also heard if you know someone’s a swiper you can zoom in a tiny bit before showing them because then they can’t swipe around

valerie: i barely want to hold someones phone when they’re showing me photos. even when they tell me i can swipe around for more i look to them with nervous eyes for further confirmation before each swipe.

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AMEN. Happy Friday, cuties. Tell us about your phone habits and organization in the comments, and have a lovely last few days of the year!

“My Two Lesbian Ants” Will Carry You Through Christmas

If you’ve been around these parts for a minute or two, you know we’re a big fan of Lisa Franklin‘s web comic, My Two Lesbian Ants. She even published a super special — like The Baby-Sitter’s Club used to do — with us this year, along with a beloved essay about birthdays and a personal comic about long distance relationships. I’ve written a bit over the years about my complicated relationship with the holidays, which is as fraught this year as ever (it’s hard out here for hope right now!). But! One thing that has brought my a whole lot of joy this season is My Two Lesbian Ants’ advent calendar. It’s all the things that make the comic great — gayness, whimsy, wit, a vast knowledge of the queer pop culture canon, affable clowning on the zeitgeist, running jokes, and a gentle dose of self-deprecation — wrapped up in holigay cheer. (It’s running a few days behind, which has worked itself into the comic in the most relatable way.)

Behold! Great tidings of comfort and joy!

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You can buy your very own My Two Lesbian Ants book to hold in your hands, and a second volume is on the way!

Dungeons & Dragons Healed My Grown-Up Heart By Making Me Feel Like the Kid I Never Got to Be

Feature image via Dice Critters

A few months ago, a half-elf in tattered armor, equipped with two dull short swords and one ornate dagger, went charging into a stone corridor trapped with whirling steel blades and chomping stone pillars. Her adventuring party, all of whom she’d just met, was forced to rush in after her, lest they be trapped outside the cave where they sought the treasure of the fish people, on account of the stone door began closing as soon as the half-elf blitzed in. The adventurers took turns getting knocked out, dashing back and forth to pick up their unconscious compatriots, scrambling forward, and getting bonked on the head or slashed in the knees and falling flattened again. When the exhausted troop finally made it through the 80-foot long nightmare den, Toven, the skilled and surly high-elf wizard who’d managed to skirt past the fear rune, grabbed the half-elf and said, “Don’t ever do that again!”

The half-elf grinned and apologized, but wasn’t sorry.

The half-elf was me.

Only a few weeks before that, during my very first tabletop roleplaying adventure, my wood elf ranger casually picked up what was a very clearly a very cursed bell; rang it; and sprouted a pair of donkey ears — and that’s when I became hooked on Dungeons & Dragons.

I’m a reformed perfectionist. Okay, fine — I just heard my therapist’s eyebrow pop up from across the island of Manhattan — I’m a perfectionist in the very early stages of identifying the causes of my perfectionism and working to untangle them. I’m a recovering perfectionist. I’m also a person who takes on way, way, way too much responsibility for everyone and everything in my line of sight and in my periphery; refusing to ask for help, to delegate, or even to just say, “Hey, actually, no, that’s your thing; you carry it.” I’m hyper-aware of every emotion of every person and animal around me, an empath you might say. And listen, it’s not bad that I want to do things well. It’s not bad to want to use my power, strength, and privilege in the world to ease the burdens of other people. It’s not bad that I can sense other people’s pain or that I instinctively know how to comfort them. But when you add those personality traits together and factor in a kid who never got to be a kid, who was forced to parent a parent, who grew up being punished for trying to set boundaries or say no, it’s a recipe for a catastrophically anxious life.

No one ever believed me when I said I didn’t play D&D. Three of my lifelong favorite things are fantasy stories, video games, and hanging out with other nerds. But the D&D Player’s Handbook is an 11-inch by 9-inch tome, containing 300 pages full of math and magic rules and dense histories of every kind of elf or dwarf of dragonborn you can imagine. Appendixes describing the myriad ways a person can be incapacitated, lists of deities and explanations of their theologies, a chart to tell you what’s in your pocket, a diagram of the PLANES OF EXISTENCE. And then there are the dice. Seven of them, one of them with 20 entire sides, that tell you, through various combinations of rolls, whether or not you hit that rat when you hacked at it with your sword, how hard you hit the rat, and whether or not the rat poisoned you when it bit you when you tried to dart away.

I’ve watched my best friends fall in love with Critical Role. I’ve watched my sister start collecting dice like a hobby. I’ve read essays and tweets and newsletters and listened to real-life conversations between people I love talking about how D&D helped them explore their sexuality and gender and desires in transformative ways they’d never expected when they first sat down with a character sheet to build a femme halfling bard or a bisexual gnome rogue or a bucth orc paladin. All of it seemed so fun, but I always had work to do; I couldn’t carve out a whole day to play a game. And anyway, I wasn’t going to be good at it, and my inability to be good at it was going to get everyone playing with me mauled to death by a pack of frost trolls.

Not very long ago, during one of the most stressful weeks of my life, my therapist demanded that I take a weekend off. Demanded it! And it just so happened that my friends were putting together a D&D one-shot. And it just so happened that it was being DM-ed by my pal Austen, who had been trying to get me to join one of their games for years. And it just so happened that Austen said the one thing to me that could actually convince me to play: You can’t be bad at it.

That wasn’t exactly true. I needed a lot of help. (Seven dice, okay??) But by the time my adventuring group had left the pub to visit the monastery for geographical information and do recon on the wizard’s house that contained the vase we needed to steal, it didn’t matter that I didn’t know what I was doing. I was lost in my character. Lost in the story. I mostly just watched and offered the rope and gold in my pockets and attacked when I had to. But after we knocked out the wizard and tied him up and stuffed him in a closet and ransacked his house and arrived in the room with those cursed bells, I didn’t do what Heather Hogan would do. I didn’t tell everyone to stay behind me, to not worry because I had it under control. I didn’t analyze the body language and facial expressions and breathing patterns of everyone in my group to determine what they were feeling, or take their feelings on and make them my feelings, or try to fix what was causing them stress. I didn’t try to solve the puzzle by myself. I didn’t try to solve the puzzle at all.

I walked into the obviously trapped room and scooped up the obviously hexed bell and clanged it. Valerie shook her head. Meg laughed. Toven, the skilled and surly high elf wizard, rolled her eyes. Somebody at the table snapped a picture of me as Austen described my morphing donkey ears. I look like a little kid on Christmas morning. I couldn’t have told you, before that moment, the last time I did something, even in a game, without weighing the opportunity-cost to everyone around me, just because it looked like fun.

My wood elf ranger is dressed like Dimitri from Anastasi, my second soft butch fashion icon (after Marty McFly). She won’t kill someone if she can just knock them out. She let a kobold ride around on her shoulders the whole time she was exploring the Sunless Citadel. She tried to cast Animal Friendship on an evil frog. That’s all me. But she doesn’t try to solve riddles or lead the way into or out of danger or take responsibility for finding or counting or distributing loot. She doesn’t check for traps. She hangs back and lets other people make decisions and decide how to deal with the consequences. She drinks potions that might kill her and opens doors into rooms that are absolutely haunted. She’s reckless and innocent and has never experienced a moment of anxiety in her life.

I named my wood elf Antsi because that’s how I felt when I was building her, before I ever sat down at a table with my friends to play D&D, before I rang that silly bell.

Antsi recently became a level three ranger, which means she can get better at fighting big enemies or she can get an animal companion. I asked, at the end of our last game, if an animal companion can die. Our DM said yes. Hannah and Meg and Valerie and Smita and Nic exchanged nervous glances. Probably because they don’t need another living thing to worry about healing in battle and they know I would leave them all to die to save an imaginary bear. But also probably because they don’t want me to be sad if my imaginary bear gets eaten by a werewolf.

And I guess that’s the thing about D&D, isn’t it? That you get to spend seven hours at a table with people who love you for exactly who you are, and who let you pretend, for just a little while, to be someone else entirely.

Some Things: Pieces

“Untitled Goose Game” Is an Adorable Fifteen-Dollar F*ck You To Authority

I am a genuinely kind person and a rule-follower, to the point that it would be easy to mistake me for a Canadian. I hold open doors, I help strangers struggling to lift or carry things, I say “please” and “thank you,” and learn people’s names the first time they say them to me, and have absolutely no problem apologizing for my mistakes. I don’t do mayhem, even in role-playing games. I’ve never once joined The Dark Brotherhood in all my hundred play-throughs of Skyrim, and during Dungeons & Dragons, my friends say, “Your Heather is showing” because if I have the choice to stab a wizard with my sword and kill him, or clobber him over the head with the hilt of the sword and knock him out, I’ll clobber him every time. I’m nice, okay?

Except for when I am a goose.

Yes, like so many other Nintendo Switch owners around the world, I picked up “Untitled Goose Game” for fifteen dollars last week and found myself in an incandescent state of elation as I, a goose, ransacked a small English town. I knocked over a farmer who kept kicking at me and stole his hat. I trapped a mean kid in a phone booth. I sneaked into an electronics store and projected myself onto all the TVs. This one woman kept swatting at me with her broom, so I broke it in two and locked her in her garage. I smashed a vase. I smashed a pub glass. I picked a bunch of flowers that didn’t belong to me. I dropped a lot of stuff I nicked from a lot of townspeople into the river. I hid under tables and inside boxes and behind bushes and kept hopping out to HONK!!! at people to watch them fall over. I have never been such a jackass in my entire life. I have never had such fun playing a video game.

The premise of Untitled Goose Game is so simple (with a pay-off at the end that made me clap and laugh out loud): You are a goose with a to-do list and with the simplest tools at your disposal — walking, ducking, picking stuff up, dropping stuff, and honking — you have to accomplish each of your goals. Some of them involve some light thievery. Some of them involve some mild destruction. All of them involve you being generally horrible. There’s a brilliant piano soundtrack to accompany your shenanigans, gently alerting you to villagers’ level of engagement with your hijinks, elevating to full tilt as your fowl anarchy reaches its peak.

And it is anarchy, in its way. Kathryn VanArendonk interviewed the game’s creators over at Vulture. She mentioned that the alt-right has begun associating the goose with SJWs (Social Justice Warriors). Their response? They’re glad the goose is a leftist icon. “Anything the left can take joy in and pride in and have a bit of fun with, we love. And if it pisses off some alt-right people, then great.”

A Visual History of Batwoman’s Most Badass Moments

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1956

1964

1985

2006

2009

2010

2012

2016

2017

2018

2019

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Is It Just Me Or Is Vader Barbie a Femme Top Icon

Star Wars and Mattel just released a line of Star Wars Barbies and I’m pretty sure these are actually very good??

The Leia doll’s outfit is pretty straight forward, even if she does look more like Mila Kunis than Carrie Fisher for some reason. It’s even more high fashion than Leia’s usual clothing but these dolls are based on the original concept art, which was more flamboyant anyway. Plus Leia absolutely would have worn this when she wasn’t on the run.

Then we have the R2D2 doll, and frankly this is where things start to get a little gay. It’s a very cyberpunk meets pop princess sort of look – which is gay, obviously – and to quote my fiance, “no one straight wears a collar like that.”

It’s when we get the Darth Vader offering that I begin to lose it.

I’m someone whose Star Wars obsession was peaking around about the same time I discovered I was into girls, so these two things are deeply connected for me. But I still never thought I’d be proclaiming any incarnation of Vader a queer lady icon. And yet. Just look at her. Look at that vinyl skirt, and the utter disdain on her face. Look at her boots.

I’ve never seen a greater embodiment of the “step on me” evil lady meme in my life. I can’t believe I’m saying any of this and I also can’t believe that no one else is? Where are the rest of you? Why aren’t you out there on Twitter proclaiming her our new femme top queen? Have I just lost my entire mind?

I cannot be the only one seeing this. She’s already the best seller in the pre-orders so I know I’m not the only one floored by her greatness. I’d give a thousand Marvel movies for just one spin off about alternate universe anti-hero Lady Vader and her wife Padme travelling the universe, kicking ass and taking names. In those boots.

Kate Leth’s “Valley Ghouls” Is the Bisexual Slice of Life Comic You Need Right Now

Brittney Williams is retiring from her Saturday Morning Cartoon, Yo! That’s Not Cool, to create some other really fun projects (for example, this Lois Lane comic book with Grace Ellis!) —  so while we’re working to fill her spot in our line-up, I thought I’d take a minute to introduce you to another one of my favorite comics creators.

If you have the great good fortune of knowing Kate Leth in real life, you know she’s one of those rare humans who’s the same in-person as she is on the internet: brilliant and hilarious and warm and uncompromising and Canadian and real and radiating bisexual energy like some kind of eternal Patronus form inside herself. I could be wrong, but she’s said it so long and with so much conviction, I think she may have been the one who started the MAKE IT GAY YOU COWRDS meme? When I asked her if she bought the black bat dress she was wearing for this year’s Buffering the Vampire Slayer prom just for the dance, she said, “What, no, I already owned this; it has wings!”

But maybe you don’t know Kate Leth at all, in which case, let me back up: Kate’s comics credits include Patsy Walker AKA Hellcat, Vampirella, Girl Over Paris, Edward Scissorhands, Fraggle Rock, Adventure Time, Power Up, School Spirit, Spell on Wheels (which is coming back!). She’s worked in animation with My Little Pony: Equestria Girls and Littlest Pet Shop: A World of Our Own. You can also hear her voice on Welcome to Night Vale and Buffering the Vampire Slayer.

I was actually Kate’s fan before I was her friend, and now I’m both. One of my favorite projects Kate’s ever done is her kinda-new Valley Ghouls comic, which seems like it started out as just a funny little occasional slice of life observational strip about her and her partner, and has turned into a beloved regular series that she posts on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. She talks about Just Couple Things in the comic, about her depression and anxiety, about body image, about her career and her fears and triumphs and insecurities and hopes and what’s inside her heart. It’s sweet and funny and poignant and absolutely an antidote to the cynicism and over-curation of social media these days.

https://twitter.com/kateleth/status/1148665140834795521

https://twitter.com/kateleth/status/1145773101734457344

https://twitter.com/kateleth/status/1141824961394298880

https://twitter.com/kateleth/status/1141433535560990720

https://twitter.com/kateleth/status/1144353309806907392

And this is just the tiniest little sampling! You can follow Kate on Twitter and Instagram for these comics, hummingbirds, nature, astute queer pop culture commentary, vapid fluff content, vintage fashion, goth stuff, and a thirst trap or two. You can also check out her comics on Tumblr. And if you want a print, those exist! Her Patreon includes personal blogs, songs, NSFW content, and more.

I hope you get to meet Kate one day, too; she’s the only person I’ve ever met who laughs as loud and hard as me.

Exclusive: Carly Usdin’s “Heavy Vinyl” Is Getting a New Original Graphic Novel!

It’s a great time to be a Carly Usdin stan: In addition to her short film, Misdirection — which is hitting the festival circuit hard this summer; and which was so beloved at A-Camp, the audience asked for it to be screened a second time — BOOM! Studios announced today that she’s teaming back up with artist Nina Vakueva for a new Heavy Vinyl original graphic novel! Yes, your favorite music store gal pals/secret fight club are returning! Would you like an exclusive peek at the cover? Well, of course you would.

“Getting the chance to continue the Heavy Vinyl story is a dream come true! I’m thrilled to be reunited with my precious little ‘90s babies. The story picks up a few months later — It’s 1999, digital music and file sharing have upset the status quo, and Y2K approaches!!” Carly Usdin said. “You can expect the same level of exhaustively-researched pop culture references with new characters, a new mystery, and more Chris/Maggie cuteness. I’ve been having a great time writing it, and I can’t wait for fans to read it.”

Heavy Vinyl: Y2K-O will be available in March 2020. You can follow BOOM!, Carly, and Nina on Twitter to stay up to date and find out more!

10 Board Game and Wine Pairings for All Your Spring Evening Needs

SPRING! Have you all heard of this thing called spring? It’s when the air finally doesn’t feel like ice trying to break down your veins, and the grass finally turns green again instead of looking like sludgy decay. Also there is sunlight! Honest to goodness SUN LIGHT FOR WHOLE LONG HOURS AT A TIME! Spring is the best. You should get you some.

The most unfortunate thing about spring, however, is the rain. Last week in Michigan, it rained a fuckton. During one of those storms I thought to myself: “Self, I really wish there was a simple list of board games that I could be playing right now. Even better if that list told me what wine to drink on this dreary evening.” And so, this list was born.

I’m not very fussy about my wine, but I am very fussy about my board games. I think wine should be easily drinkable and described in words that don’t require a sommelier’s license (though more power to you if you happen to have one). I also think a bottle should never cost more than $20, as is true on this list. Most of these wines can be found at Trader Joe’s, because that’s where I buy most of mine. I tried to stick with relatively well known brands, so all of these bottles should be fairly accessible to whatever is your wine-purchasing store of choice.

The board games are a mix of classic and new school, so hopefully you find something familiar and something you’ve never heard of but want to try out. Nearly all of them can be played with two players or more, though some are specifically designed for large parties.

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Georges Duboeuf Beaujolais Pinot Noir & Ticket to Ride

Ticket to Ride is the new millennium’s Monopoly. That’s right; I said what I said. Once I heard of a mother who – during an extraordinarily important moment of the game – flipped the entire board upside down and called her own daughter a “Bitch!” I kid you not. In Ticket to Ride, you build cross-country train routes and secretly plot to block other players from completing their own. It sounds deceptively simple, but if you’re the kind of person who enjoys buying Park Place and making your friends squirm for it, then my goodness are you going to love this game! Pair it with the essentially simple Georges Duboeuf Pinot Noir. It tastes like strawberries and cherries; your group will have no problem finishing the whole bottle while waiting to see which early 20^th century rail tycoon comes out on top.

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Cecilia Beretta Treviso Prosecco & Scrabble

Are you ready to be capital “C” CLASSY? To dream of wearing oversized chunky sweaters on cool spring evenings and subtly snack on a cheese plate while enjoying a lazy sunset? Well then, this Prosecco is for you. Sipping on it luxuriously always makes me feel like I’m the lead in some Nora Ephron movie and Meryl Streep is my best friend. Enjoy it with a good game of Scrabble, hands down the classiest of board games.

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Big Churn Chardonnay & Codenames

If you’ve ever played Password, you are well on your way to Codenames, where two teams race to identify the codenames of their “agents” with the help of one-word clues from the team’s “Spymaster.” You can play with any number of people, starting at just two and working your way up, which makes it ideal for any party size. The Big Churn Chardonnay is buttery and oaky, with a hint of vanilla. It’s ideal for slow slipping while you solve the puzzle. And oh hey – since we’re here, I wouldn’t want you gays to miss out on the Harry Potter version of the game. You’re very welcome.

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Reserve des Chastelles Tavel Rosé & Cards Against Humanity

You’ve probably played Cards Against Humanity before; it’s become a staple of the last decade. But just in case, it’s a word/phrase matching game where your friends all try to outdo each other by doing their snarkiest, dirtiest worst to make you laugh. You declare the winner in each round. You’re all guaranteed to crack each other up and the Reserve des Chastelles Travel Rosé – with its bright strawberry and watermelon flavor – is  up for the challenge of keeping you hydrated between all the fits of laughter.

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Espiral Vinho Verde & Werewords

I had my first bottle of Espiral just this month, and I never want to go back to drinking any other white wine! It’s effervescent, crisp, and tastes like a bottle of Sprite went to a very fancy European study abroad. I can’t recommend it enough! A wine this bright deserves Werewords, a game where players must attempt to guess the magic word via yes-or-no questions before the four-minute timer runs out. One player is the Werewolf, who’s secretly working to sabotage everyone else. There are plenty of other roles for everyone and the rules are easy to learn, making it ideal for when your group is really gathered together to gossip and laugh, and won’t necessarily have all their attention tied to the game.

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La Ferme Julien Rosé & Pandemic

This is selfish. Pandemic is my favorite board game of all time. I could easily write love letters to it. The La Ferme Julien Rosé was my favorite wine last summer. Pairing them together is completely self-serving, but here we are. If you are a nerd who loves details and rules, Pandemic is for you. What makes it unique is that instead of squaring off against each other, your team must work together to beat the board. You are all fantasy members of the CDC (Center for Disease Control) who are fighting the clock against worldwide outbreak. It’s intense and passes time quickly; there are a dozen more ways to lose than to win. Before you know it, you will be addicted. Which is why this game needs a light bottle of rosé, something that you can drink for hours without getting wine bloat or feeling weighed down.

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Tintero Rosso & Clue

The Tintero Rosso is a red wine that’s built for spring. It’s easy to drink and has very little back-biting tannins. It even tastes best slightly chilled. It’s elegant, which is why I think it’s going to go great with a classic game of Clue. Have your friends try out their best British Posh accents as you work to solve who murdered who in the foyer or the office. BONUS: If you haven’t played the game in the last ten years, they’ve updated some of the murder victims and weapons! It’s going to feel like it’s the first time.

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Moulin de Gassac Guilhem Rosé & Cranium

Have you ever played Cranium? I can never quite tell how popular this game is, but it was all we played in college. It’s perfect for large groups of people who aren’t scared to make an utter fool of themselves (or who are competitive about using all parts of their brain). Pictionary, Trivial Pursuit, Charades – Cranium has like four or five other classic board games all rolled into one. It’s hysterical fun, but takes a long time to complete, which is why I paired it with the Moulin de Gassac Guilhem Rosé. It’s simple, clean and easily drinkable – so be sure to pay attention and drink responsibly.

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Hanna Sauvignon Blanc Russian River Valley & Wits and Wagers

The #1 Thing that I hate about Trivial Pursuit is that it’s designed for the knowledge of middle class, middle age, straight white people. I know lots of trivia! None of it is ever in the actual game. That’s why I prefer Wits & Wagers, where you don’t have to get the questions right to win! In this game, you read a trivia question and everyone writes down their guess. Then you each place bets on who you think got closest to the right answer – if you’re feeling particularly confident, you can even bet on yourself. By earning points through betting strategically, you have a shot at winning the entire game, even if you never personally guess the correct answers. It’s also a great way to find out which of your friends thinks you’re a closet baseball freak or physics genius. Enjoy each other and the Hanna Sauvignon Blanc, with its grapefruit and lemon aromas. Drinking it feels like the wine version of smelling fresh cut grass, and who wouldn’t want some of that this time of year?

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Simpler Wine Italian Canned Wine & Reverse Charades

Hear me out: I know that “wine in a can” sounds like a terrible idea, but it’s actually brilliant. It’s portable and refreshing. It feels like you’re drinking a 1980s wine cooler in the back of a Ford truck with permed frizzy hair, except instead its 2019 and you’re in the back of a Subaru on your way to the beach. This wine is meant to be light, fun, and most of all on-the-move. Plus, it tastes great. Speaking of “on-the-move”, pair these cans with a game of Reverse Charades – instead of one person silently acting out the word for a team, the goal here is for the entire team to act out the word for a single person – and you’re guaranteed an excellent time.

Every Major Female “Star Trek” Character, Ranked By Lesbianism

Here’s the thing about the future: the way things are going currently, I think it’s safe to question why heterosexual women would still be the majority in 2334. And yet! As I learned in a Women in Literature course nearly two decades ago, fan-fic was invented by Trekkies longing to see Kirk and Spock boldly go where they only subtextually went onscreen, and until literally three years ago, the franchise has remained mostly content to keep its characters straight on their streets and queer in our sheets. Star Trek‘s persistent refusal to offer sufficient LGBTQ representation, despite encouragement from cast members, has been a point of contention for decades. Our 2010 piece about it — “Gay Me Up, Scotty: How Star Trek Failed To Boldly Go There” — is one of several Autostraddle pieces that frequently pop up on college syllabi.

Luckily, we all have very active imaginations and also, just for the record, as a child I attended a Star Trek Convention in the aptly named Romulus, Michigan. Thus, it eventually came time for us to turn our keen minds towards an important project: ranking every Star Trek character by lesbianism. (A practice we engage in frequently, for example this ranking of Law and Order characters.)

The lesbian rankings contained herein are based on highly subjective criteria you will undoubtedly disagree with. It includes opinions from esteemed sources like your pal and mine Sally, who has seen all the Star Treks, as well as Autostraddle writers Al(aina), Kayla, and Senior Editor Carmen, the only three Autostraddle team members who wanted to join my Star Trek Slack Channel.

Also by the way the Bajorans are the most lesbianish species overall (the earwear alone, I mean!) and everyone is queerer in the mirrorverse. Don’t @ me. But do comment!

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55. Navigator Ilia (Persis Khambatta), “Star Trek: The Motion Picture”

Due to the Deltan pheromones that trigger “hormonal responses in most humanoid life forms of the opposite sex,” Ilia had to take a vow of celibacy in order to be permitted to work amongst human men. A more logical solution would be to avoid human men altogether, any lesbian could tell you that!!!

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54. Helmsman Valeris (Kim Cattrall), “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country”

No thank you.

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53. Seska (Martha Hackett), Voyager

no

thank

you

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52. Alynna Nechayev (Natalija Nogulich), The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine

Kayla: daddy vibes but not super gay vibes sorry 2 say. she’s so by-the-book.

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51. Anjj (Donna Murphy), “Star Trek: Insurrection”

Overcomes everything she knows to be true about the world in order to fall in love with a man. Heterosexual bangs.

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50. Kes (Jennifer Lien), Voyager

Sally: What little personality she did have was subsumed by her relationship with the incredibly annoying Neelix.

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49. Dr Katherine Pulaski (Diana Muldaur), The Next Generation

Refused to acknowledge Data’s preferred personhood and mispronounced his name intentionally to convey her disrespect. So, definitely straight.

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48. Nurse Christine Chapel (Majel Barrett), The Original Series, Star Trek I – VI

Sally remembers that she “can’t remember what she did other than crush on Spock.” However, Kayla asks: “Is there something slightly gay about pining after Spock since he is quite literally emotionally unavailable? Like the way I pretended to have crushes on unavailable boys in high school?” Valid inquiry.

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47. Janice Rand (Grace Lee Whitney), The Original Series, “Star Trek: The Motion Picture,” “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country”

Truly committed to the heterosexual bit for decades. Slight Mom energy, Zero Mommi Energy.

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46. Tora Ziyal (Melanie Smith), Deep Space Nine

She’s like the straight sister of one of your lesbian friends who everybody is like, “is she gay yet?” and her lesbian sister is like “not yet!”

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45. Winn Adami (Louise Fletcher), Deep Space Nine

Super evil but not the sexy low-key kind of evil your ex-girlfriend was. More like the kind of evil embodied by a librarian who won’t stock Heather Has Two Mommies.

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44. Chief Engineer B’Elanna Torres (Roxann Dawson), Voyager

It is true that she was, as Sally put it, “relentlessly and regretfully (to me) heterosexual with Lt. Paris, a human charm vacuum.” However, as Sally also put it, she “had a lot of angry feminist vibes going on.”

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43. Nurse Alyssa Ogawa (Patti Yasutake), The Next Generation, “Star Trek Generations,” “Star Trek First Contact”

Is described as “a bit conservative in her personal life.” Haircut got less gay rather than more gay over time. When Crusher saw her boyfriend with another woman, Alyssa was concerned rather than relieved.

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42. First Officer / Science Officer T’Pol (Jolene Blalock), Enterprise

Sally: Repeatedly stripped off in the decontamination chamber, which I sense was only tangentially for my benefit.

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41. Starfleet Vice Admiral Katrina Cornwell (Jayne Brook), Discovery

Is a therapist.

Kayla: is a bisexual psychiatrist called a bichiatrist
she sleeps with her ex and then tries to psychoanalyze their trauma…….
BICHIATRIST

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40. Kasidy Yates-Sisko (Penny Johnson Jerald), Deep Space Nine

“In my head she merged with her other role as the evil wife of the President in 24,” remarked Sally. “So I was always highly suspicious of her.”

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39. Lieutenant Uhura (Nichelle Nichols), The Original Series, first six Star Trek films

Point / Counterpoint:

Al(aina): very heterosexual. her first lines in the series are like “spock why won’t you tell me i’m pretty!!!!”
Carmen: Ok so while I technically see Al’s point here, I am still going to offer a rebuttal: Lt. Uhura is fundamental to everything about my black nerd femme identity. EVERYTHING.
And I have a Lt. Uhura journal and action figure to highlight this point.
AND without Nichelle Nichols in this role, there wouldn’t have been women in central speaking parts in command. So in many ways she’s the foremother of a lot of the other women on this list, which I feel is important re: legacy of women we’re ranking by gay.

DISCUSS.

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38. Ensign Demora Sulu (Jacqueline Kim), “Star Trek Generations”

Had minimal screen time/development. Daddy’s girl.

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37. Lursa & Be’Etor, The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and “Star Trek: Generations”

Tried to seduce Picard by offering him excessive amounts of hot tea. Also therefore:

Al(aina): ok, hear me out: i think these two are def gay sisters who sleep with men in the same way that aileen wuornos slept with men. like, to get money from them and also possibly to kill them.

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36. Cadet Sylvia Tilly (Mary Wiseman), Discovery

Tilly might be the straight girl who seemed gay as a kid just ’cause she had so many ideas for sleepover games but like… she actually meant it when she said she had a crush on that boy you were just pretending to have a crush on. And listen: nobody is more annoyed than she is about being straight. All her friends are gay!

Alternately, Sally has pointed out that she has allergies, which is gay. Furthermore, that infection/haunting via her former “friend” May in Season Two is wildly lesbian. When her ex/”friend,” in the form of a viral blob, is eating her arm, and she’s like, “I’m so tired,” I was like, GIRL, SAME.

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35. Ishka (Cecily Adams), Deep Space Nine

Couldn’t live her truth until her husband died, which means she’s a late-in-life lesbian. Feminist renegade who attempted to circumvent the misogynist Ferengi economy for personal gain.

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34. Leeta (Chase Masterson), Deep Space Nine

She is a Bajoran, the most lesbianish species of Star Trek, and also was basically a sex worker, one of the the most queerish professions of the modern era (right up there with “social worker” and “starfleet officer”) AND she ORGANIZED A G-DDAMN UNION. Despite all of that… does not attempt to seduce Arandis or any other women while celebrating her conscious uncoupling from Doctor Bashir on a pleasure planet?

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33. Lily Sloane (Alfre Woodard), “Star Trek: First Contact”

Began her story building a time machine in a rural Montana silo. Described as “outspoken and a little high-strung” (gay) and credited with being “the first to recognize Captain Picard’s emotional demons.” (Do note that although lesbians are very good at recognizing the emotional demons of others, we are also uniquely adept at disassociating from our own.)

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32. Caithlin Dar (Cynthia Gouw), “Star Trek V: The Final Frontier”

Hairstyle doubles as a dildo. Is always dressed for a tightly themed queer dance party. Was manipulated into joining a weird religious cult.

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31. Female Changeling (Salome Jens), Deep Space Nine

Sally: Possibly the most bizarre thing in all Star Trek is that when they had the ultimate chance to have completely agender lifeforms who can shapeshift into anything, they either had them as a writhing pile of goo, or really bad play-dough people. The Female Changeling had it in really bad for the “solids” who she thought were stupid and inferior, which is kind of how I feel about men, so I’m charitably viewing her as a kind of non-binary man-hating lesbian separatist.

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30. Counselor Ezri Dax (Nicole de Boer), Deep Space Nine

Joined Starfleet to get away from her family. According to @somekindoferika on twitter, has “big trans energy.”

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29. Special Emissary K’Ehleyr (Susie Plakson), The Next Generation

Was fridged to motivate a male character. She once noted, regarding her half-human half-Klingon genetics, “my Klingon side can be terrifying, even to me,” which is clearly a symbolic nod to her bisexuality and her subsequent terror of either: a) Men, b) Women.

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28. Martia (Ilman), “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country”

Envisioned as a “swashbuckling female space pirate.” Was killed by a famous cis white man.

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27. Botanist Keiko O’Brien (Rosalind Chao), The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine

Fanboys hate her. She loves plants.

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26. Officer Joann Owosekun (Oyin Oladejo), Discovery

When locked in a basement in New Eden with Michael and Pike, stripped of all their fancy technology, she employs her Luddite background expertly, managing to free them all by manipulating the door’s sliding bolt. Her haircut is gay enough to stand out on a bridge riddled with gay haircuts.

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25. Biologist Dr. Gillian Taylor (Catherine Hicks), “Star Trek IV: The Journey Home”

Obsessed with whales. Says she’s down to time-hop with Kirk and Spock because “I’ve got nobody but those whales.” Has no interest in keeping in touch with Kirk because she would rather do science. In the fictional bibliography of “Star Trek: Federation – The First 150 Years,” she is cited as the author of “Whales Weep Not: My 300-Year Voyage Home with George and Gracie.” Ahem.

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24. The Actual Whales from “Star Trek IV: The Journey Home”

Sally: Two whales involved in saving future earth from some pseudo-ecological disaster using whalesong definitely sounds like the kind of plot dreamt up by a teenage lesbian.

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23. Commander-in-Training Saavik (Kristie Alley), Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Kayla: A [half] vulcan who still CRIES? bitch, that’s a lesbian.

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22. Molecular Biologist Carol Marcus (Bibi Besch), “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan”

After having Kirk’s child, declared a lack of interest in spending any additional time with Kirk or having him involved in his son’s life, preferring instead to focus on her truest love: her work.

Kayla: WE STAN A GAY SINGLE MOM
Kayla: SCIENCE MOMMI

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21. Season One Wesley Crusher (Wil Wheaton), The Next Generation

For:

• Looks like a lesbian
• Precocious
• Thinks he can do everybody else’s job better than they can
• Wears a cute striped mock turtleneck and leggings all the time
• When he saves the day, fans were annoyed rather than impressed
• Teaches a group of small children how to do passive resistance as an activist technique in order to escape their captors
• As a child when TNG originally aired, I had a crush on him
• My crush blinded me to the fact that he was a nearly universally disliked character
• Dammit was I Wesley
• Ugh I hate myself

Against:

• Stopped looking/acting like a lesbian circa Season Two
• Was a teenage boy

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20. Seven of Nine (Jeri Ryan), Voyager

In 1997, GLAAD reported that ex-borg drone Seven of Nine would “experiment with her sexuality along the way to understanding her humanity, including looking into same-sex relations” but apparently unnamed “opposition” got in the way, as it has literally every single time this franchise ever promised queer representation until 2016. But what we got instead was a troubled hottie constantly haunted by trauma and suffering from near-constant severe PTSD involving raven-prominent flashbacks, which is peak lesbian.

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19. Arandis (Vanessa Williams), one episode of Deep Space Nine

Was nobody else still watching DS9 when Dax went on a romantic vacation with Worf — she wore a RAINBOW BATHING SUIT, he kept his uniform on and was in a very bad mood the whole time — and her old friend Arandis (who’d hooked up with one of Jadzia’s former hosts) followed her around all week hoping Dax would escape the misapplied Worf storyline for some Sweet Sapphic Scissoring? THIS WOMAN IS BISEXUAL, it’s a fact.

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18. Communications Officer Hoshi Sato (Linda Park), Enterprise

An ACTUAL linguist with poor social skills who spent most of her childhood alone, learning alien languages.

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17 [TIE]. Doctor Beverly Crusher (Gates McFadden), The Next Generation

Tied with Troi because without Troi, is she truly lesbian? Are they girlfriends… or do they just make extended eye contact in skin-tight boobs-out get-ups while engaging in elaborate ritual stretching contests?

[excerpt from a private chat]

Kayla: “TNG is the gayest of them all. The G stands for gay.”
Me: “yeah TNG is like Mommis in space.”
Kayla: “Dr. Beverly Crusher MD has got to be my #1.
I want her to top me in space.
“DIAGNOSE ME, MOMMI”

[…one month later in our star trek slack channel…]

Kayla: crush ME, doctor beverly crusher md!!!!!!
Kayla: she is so gay and i do not just say that because i want her to spit in my mouth
Kayla: she essentially had sex with anaphasic energy that was contained in a CURSED CANDLE which is um, gay
Carmen: Doctor Beverly Crusher is everything!!! Mommi for dayyyyys. Bless.
Al(aina): i want to lay my life down for her. she could walk on me. i dont feel that way about straight women

17 [TIE]. Lieutenant Commander Deanna Troi (Marina Sirtis), The Next Generation

A tough call. As aforementioned, highly dependent on the woman tied for this spot, Dr. Beverly Crusher, who either is or is not Troi’s girlfriend. Troi did fall for Riker, the Galaxy’s Most Alpha Male. But; her empathy scores are off the charts and in Yar’s post-death hologram dirge, she said Troi made her realize she could “be feminine without losing anything,” which let’s be honest probably happened in her private quarters. Also, remember when Troi pointed out that “Tasha is very physically attractive”? I’ll never forget.

Kayla: i think she has maybe never been with a woman but is having confusing feelings about her best friend Dr. Beverly Crusher
Kayla: so maybe like a baby bi
Carmen: OH I SEE WE ARE BRINGING OUT ALL MY CHILDHOOD CRUSHES OK THEN
Al(aina): she also seems high as fuck all the time, gives me big bisexual vibes

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16. Vulcan High Priestess T’Lar (Dame Judith Anderson), “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock”

A spiritual leader who wears turtleneck hooded robes and can officiate weddings and deliver children? GAY.

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15. Lieutenant Keyla Detmer (Emily Coutts), Discovery

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14. Ishara Yar (Beth Toussaint), The Next Generation

This evaluation is based solely upon her physical appearance, which leaves about as much room to be straight as there is to fit another task onto my to-do list. Also, her sister is gay.

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13. Jayla (Sofia Boutella), “Star Trek: Beyond”

Excuse me but: after traumatically losing her entire family, Jaylah lived alone on a hidden abandoned spaceship, listening to hip-hop, learning martial arts, making her own weapons and doing home repairs.

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12. Lwaxana Troi (Majel Barrett), The Next Generation & Deep Space Nine

Lwaxana reads to me like an overbearing Jewish mother who, like my own overbearing Jewish mother, is probably gay. Al called her “the Phyllis Kroll of Star Trek” and Sally, also recalling a queer woman over 50 from The L Word, said Lwaxana is “clearly the Peggy Peabody/Guggenheim of the franchise who, despite constantly being on the hunt for a husband, you know had that one lesbian fling in the summer of Stardate 80363.79. Enough Mommi vibes to power a warp drive.”

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11. Michael Burnham (Sonequa Martin-Green), Discovery

On the one hand, Michael pings like the original Enterprise’s duotronic sensor array. On the other hand, Michael pings like a sweeping infa-red laser scanning local space. Bring those two hands together and we have a lesbian. “I remember the first five minutes of Discovery when it was just Michael and Philippa trekking round a desert with a whole female mentor/mentee vibe, and I thought if they just did that for twenty-four episodes it would be the greatest sci-fi ever,” recalled Sally. “Sadly this did not happen, and we didn’t just have to see her un-repress her Vulcan feelings for Ash once, but millions of times in one episode!” Alternately:

Al(aina): Phillipa Georgiou’s bottom. So lost without her top she fell in love with a Kllingon.
Carmen: Yet another star trek gay asymmetrical haircut has made itself known.

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10. Conn Officer Ro Laren (Michelle Forbes), The Next Generation

“I liked Ensign Ro because she was tough and challenged all the pansy moralistic men in TNG, whilst having engagingly pointy eyebrows,” wrote Sally. “I believe she was meant to be a main character on DS9, which fell through and Kira kind of filled that role, so I was really happy when she graduated to be the evil lesbian admiral in Battlestar Galactica.”

Kayla: TORTURED GAY
Kayla: ok she and Guinan definitely fucked in her titular episode from season 5
Kayla: i have visual aids:

Which brings me to….

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9. Guinan (Whoopi Goldberg), The Next Generation, “Star Trek: Generations,” “Star Trek: Nemesis”

When Wikipedia describes you as “an alien who is several hundred years old and is noted for her folk wisdom,” YOU GAY.  (Sidenote: during the taping of “The Offspring,” Whoopi refused to have Guinan teach her adopted child about love as a heterosexual concept, rejecting the script about a man and a woman falling in love in favor of “when two people are in love” because “this show is beyond that.”)

Kayla: gay empath alert
Carmen: guinan is that tarot card reading, astrology birth chart, “I can’t date you if you’re a libra” or whatever kind of gay.
we all know her, we’ve all dated her, we all have one of her in our friendship circle (maybe we even are her)
Al(aina): yes to all of this.

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8. Borg Queen (Alice Krige), Voyager and “Star Trek: First Contact”

Sally: The original Cybermommi. Gay obsession with Seven of Nine. As the Borg were all one collective, that must mean that assimilating just one lesbian makes every Borg a lesbian, ergo they were just one giant lesbian commune floating in space.

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7. Captain Kathryn Janeway (Kate Mulgrew), Voyager

The first female Starfleet Commanding Officer in the Star Trek universe is a bit of a lesbian gimme. Plus she has lesbian voice and a lesbian gait and a hearty portion of lesbian tension with other women aboard her good ship. However, Sally didn’t get gay vibes until “Macrocosm,” “when she strips off and goes all Ripley against some alien bugs with a giant rifle. Which is pretty gay really.”

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6. First Officer / Commanding Officer Kira Nerys (Nana Visitor), Deep Space Nine

“Remember when her boyfriend the Bajoran priest died in some horrific manner, and she was just like Can’t grieve now, got work to do?,” Sally wistfully recalled. “I feel like she lived out the fantasy of all gay women who are afraid of compulsory heterosexuality and dream of getting married to a dude who dies on their wedding night.” Furthermore, “Mirrorverse Kira checking out regular Kira is the gayest moment in all Star Trek.”

Riese: In Kira’s first scene in DS9 she yells at Sisko about (not in these words but) colonization and indigenous people’s right to self determination and hating the government after telling him that he probably won’t like her because she has strong opinions.
Kayla: wowowowowowow me in high school.
[…]
Riese: She just told Sisko that she’s the only one on the ship willing to do manual labor and ‘get her hands dirty.’
Now she’s interrupting a staff meeting to register complaints about their asylum policy
Kayla: 🧐

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5. Chief Science Officer Jadzia Dax (Terry Farrell), Deep Space Nine

Dax is willing to break the most embedded and valued rules of her people, the Trills, to spend the rest of her life with the woman one of her previous hosts had been married to. Even though her character was basically gender-fluid and the whole situation seemed orchestrated to ensure we knew her attraction to her ex was not a lesbian situation but just a carryover from a heterosexual situation, she’s the closest thing we had to queer-lady cannon before (hopefully?!) Discovery — and when it happened, the kiss she shared with Lenara Kahn was the most intense girl-on-girl kiss ever aired on network television. YOU COULD SEE SALIVA.

Also, got killed, the gayest move of all.

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4. Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh), Discovery

“Probably I should be angry that the only bisexuals on Star Trek are always evil people from alternate universes?” Sally mused. “Sadly I don’t care, and Michelle Yeoh is hot.”

Al(aina): the toppiest femme top
Kayla: this
Carmen: She also had sex with a woman on screen (well they’re shown post-sex on screen?) in a threesome, so I think that makes her pretty heckin’ gay.
Kayla: a telescope as a prized possession is gay i don’t make the RULES

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3. Jet Reno (Tig Notaro), Discovery

Al(aina): she gay
Kayla: lol i mean

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2. The lesbian couple in the background of one scene in the Star Trek Discovery episode “Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad”

Ladies, gentlemen and J’naiis: WE WILL TAKE WHAT WE CAN GET.

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1. Chief of Security Tasha Yar (Denise Crosby) , The Next Generation

In addition to sporting THE LATE 80S/EARLY 90S LESBIAN HAIRCUT™, Yar only lasted one season ’cause Denise Crosby chose to leave the show ’cause the structural gender inequality imposed by the writing team meant her character was woefully underdeveloped and therefore insufficiently challenging to her as an actress. Instead, Crosby went on to produce a series of documentaries about Star Trek fandom. But, the most lesbian action of all:

Al(aina): so GAAAAAAAAAAAAY they even killed her

Here’s an Exclusive First Look at Gaby Dunn’s New Graphic Novel, “Bury the Lede”

If you’re anything like me, you’re starting to wonder if Gaby Dunn has gotten her hands on a Time-Turner. How else do you explain that fact that she seems to be simultaneously writing multiple New York Times bestsellers, starring in and producing multiple successful podcasts, and continuing to run a variety of beloved channels on YouTube? She’s for sure touring with her smash hit Bad With Money right now. A sequel to I Hate Everyone But You with her comedy partner Allison Raskin is due out later this year.

And now, get a load of this: BOOM! Studios is getting ready to release her new graphic novel into the wild! It’s called Bury the Lede and BOOM! senior editor Dafna Pleban calls it an “incisive and insightful psychological thriller where the relationship between the two female protagonists–a journalist and a murder suspect–is fraught with lies and complicated truths from the very beginning.”

We’ve got an exclusive first look for you!

Here’s the synopsis of the story, which draws on Dunn’s own experiences working as a young reporter at the Boston Globe.

Cub reporter Madison Jackson is young, scrappy, and hungry to prove that she deserves her coveted college internship at the premier newspaper in town, The Boston Lede, where she dreams of a career-making headline. So when her police scanner mentions a brutal murder tied to a prominent Boston family, Madison races to the crime scene, looking for the scoop of the century. What she finds instead is the woman who’ll change her life forever: Dahlia Kennedy, a celebrity socialite covered in blood and the prime suspect in the murder of her husband and child. When Madison is the only person Dahlia will speak to, everything rides on the untested shoulders of this young journalist who sinks ever deeper into the dark, twisted landscape of the city’s hidden circles of crime, corruption, and privilege in order to unveil the truth.

Dunn is joined by artist Claire Roe (Wonder Woman, Batgirl and Birds of Prey) with colors by by Miquel Rodriguez. Here’s a sneak peek at the moody noir art!

Bury the Lede will be available on October 2, 2019 at local comic book shops and on sale October 8, 2019 at bookstores or at the BOOM! Studios webstore.

“Assassin’s Creed Odyssey” Forced My Lesbian Xena to Have Sex With a Man and Have His Baby and YIKES

With one elfin exception*, I have a hard rule when it comes to video games: I won’t play an RPG unless I can play as a woman. And if there are romantic options within the game, I’ll only romance other women. That was my main problem with Assassin’s Creed Syndicate, which was otherwise my favorite video game of 2015 — it gave the very first playable woman assassin, kickass tenderheart murder maven Evie, a built-in romantic storyline with a dude, while her twin brother’s storyline was just assembling his own gang and refining his swashbuckling. But last year’s Assassin’s Creed Odyssey promised to change all that. With an emphasis on choice and a guarantee that players could spend an entire playthrough as a woman or a man who could romance women or men, it seemed like the Ubisoft had finally heard the cries of the legion of queer fans who wanted to put their money where their protest tweets were and just see themselves reflected in one of the most popular video game franchises of all time.

(*Link of Breath of the Wild, of course, who never even opens his mouth to speak and is easy enough to imagine as a soft butch ninja dreamboat.)

In 2014, Assassin’s Creed Unity creative director Alex Amancio infuriated fans when he revealed that Unity was meant to have women assassins but they were cut because “it was really a lot of extra production work.” Four years later, Odyssey‘s creative director Jonathan Dumont was singing a whole new tune. Not only was a playable woman a given, but: “Since the story is choice-driven, we never force players in romantic situations they might not be comfortable with. Players decide if they want to engage with characters romantically. I think this allows everybody to build the relationships they want, which I feel respects everybody’s roleplay style and desires.”

The main game paid off Ubisoft’s pledge, and thirty minutes after meeting Kassandra, my Greek mercenary just trying to survive and make a dime during the chaos of the Peloponnesian War, I had imprinted all over her. A tragic childhood (dropped from a cliff by her own father!), a magical pet eagle (Ikaros!), an option to play as an archer (my favorite style of combat!), and an empathetic disposition despite the trauma she endured as a youth (😭). Plus, she looks and fights and sasses so much like Xena that the first time I started Googling her name to figure out how to upgrade her gear, Google’s first autocomplete suggestion included our favorite queer Warrior Princess. Within two hours of gameplay, I already had the option to flirt unabashedly with another woman.

There are eight entire ladies Kassandra can romance between sowing discord among the Spartans and Athenians, tracking down and assassinating mercenaries who are trying to do the same thing to her, recruiting lieutenants for her ship, waging war on the open sea, and running errands for hungry villagers. All eight of Kassandra’s potential babes are well-written, and sex is even on the table with some of them. I played the entire game as a chaotic good misandrist lesbian do-goody stabber, and by the time I was done, I was a legend in Greece for my skills in battle and my women-wooing abilities. A very satisfying $60 well spent!

And then the second episode of Assassin’s Creed Odyssey‘s DLC, Legacy of the First Blade, landed and ruined everything in one of the most egregious video game storylines I’ve ever seen. Episode two is called Shadow Heritage; it continues Kassandra’s exploration of her feelings about life as a mercenary and allows her to go adventuring with Darius, the first assassin, and his son, Natakas. Unlike the main game, Kassandra can’t ignore romantic storylines completely in Shadow Herritage but she can rebuff every single one of Natakas’ romantic overtures — which I did, of course, because my Kassandra is a lesbian. Despite turning him down repeatedly over the course of the DLC, once we defeated our final enemy, a scenario played in which I was sent to the market to buy groceries and then returned to a formerly abandoned home in the game that had been completely refurbished by Natakas’ so we could comfortably live there together with our son, Elpidios.

I played an entire game as a woman romancing other women, played an entire DLC saying no to the man who was trying to have sex with me — but the game still forced me to have sex with him, have his child, and settle down to be his wife! I cannot overemphasize how jarring it was, what a sucker punch it felt like, to spend 60 hours playing a game as a lesbian, only to have her decision-making ability and lesbianism stripped from her, despite the promises of the game makers and the gameplay up until that point!

The message this sends to the millions of men — especially young men, so many of whom experience the majority of their socialization in gamer culture — is, frankly, shocking. Choice, choice, choice, choice was Ubisoft’s main selling point of Odyssey, aside from the fact that it was an RPG first (and an Assassin’s Creed game second).  So either it never occurred to the developers that a woman character wouldn’t want to end up with a man, or it did occur to them but the player’s (and therefore Kassandra’s) choice didn’t matter. Either “no” wasn’t an option, or “no” didn’t mean no. I honestly almost couldn’t even believe what I was seeing when the ending of Shadow Heritage played out. Presumably not a single lesbian was consulted in any capacity about this highly touted potential lesbian character.

Odyssey‘s creative designer ultimately issued an apology that made me even angrier. He told EW, essentially, that Kassandra didn’t have to love Natakas to have sex with him. Choosing to rebuff his romantic advances was actually choosing a “utilitarian view” of “ensuring [the assassin bloodline] lived on.” I’ll hand it to him: That’s a way to say “forcing a lesbian to have sex with a man” that I’ve never heard before.

I’ve watched almost every show featuring a lesbian or bisexual women in TV history. I’ve been playing video games my entire life. I have scarcely come across a story that felt like a slap in the face. The best Dumont could offer, in terms of future story, is that Kassandra won’t have to stay with Natakas in the next Legacy of the First Blade episode. That doesn’t matter to me; for the first time ever, I won’t finish a video game I started.

Proudly Black, Fat, Queer and Making a Home for Myself in Cosplay

I often tell people that I have the geekiest love story ever told. I pretend to be embarrassed by it but, in reality, I think it’s pretty frickin’ adorable — don’t tell my partner, though, cuz I’ll never hear the end of it. The two of us met writing fanfiction back in 2001, a time where sex scenes were labeled as lemons and our favorite Gundam pilots were labeled by numbers instead of character names. In 2002, we met in person at Anime Central, me decked out in Gundam Wing merch and her rocking a hand-sewn outfit to become one of her favorite anime characters.

She’d go on to explain the concept of cosplay to me, and unbeknownst to the both of us, it would become a big part of our lives together.

I remember feeling completely relaxed around her. More importantly, I remember feeling at ease as we held hands and walked the convention halls together. I never had a moment where I worried about someone starting some homophobic nonsense just because some folks feel the need to clutch their grandmother’s pearls when they encounter two ladies in love.

For three days, at the Hyatt Regency in Rosemont, Illinois, I felt like I could be myself.

This is why I’m so protective of the geek community. It’s a space that embraced me as I was taking baby steps out of the closet. I saw folks using LGBTQ+ flags as capes and others who cosplayed, drew, and wrote queerness into the fandoms that I loved. Honestly, it was probably one of the best places to explore my sexuality and go from assumed straightness, to assumed lesbianism, to most definite bisexuality.

But with my love comes a critical eye.

At 18, I clung to any bit of reassurance I could find. At 35? I’m more cautious about who I let into my circle. My acceptance is valuable. I’ve learned that it’s something that folks need to earn versus me trying to fit into someone else’s box.

If I had to pinpoint when my new way of thinking started to brew, I’d say it was back in 2013. Originally I’d thought I had to find a character who looked exactly like me in order to partake in cosplay. Spoiler: you’d be hard pressed to find many fat, black women in the media — let alone in geekdom. But by 2013 I’d been cosplaying on and off since 2004. My partner had become my seamstress. We’d go to two or three conventions a year. We would usually wear one costume, on Saturday, and be content with that.

One day, I’d gotten some pretty nasty comments about my cosplay. I’d love to say that it was a dark and stormy night to build suspense, but women who look like me deal with discrimination even on the brightest of Tuesdays. The comments ranged from whale comparisons to suggesting that I indulge in crispily fried birds — chicken, to be exact. In all honesty, it was the type of playground level commentary you’d expect from someone who could hide behind a Tumblr username.

Long story short: I didn’t take that shit lying down. I ended up gaining an online following over the very thing I was being made fun of for: being a fat, black, queer woman.

I spent the next couple of years upgrading my status as — gasp, a SJW — branding myself as a slayer of Internet nonsense because, seriously, what even IS a lesbian bed death? (Disclaimer: I know what it is, I just had to look it up.) My cosplay evolved from having my partner make exact replicas of character outfits to designing looks I was comfortable in. Styles she’d make that represented the character and me as a person. I could show my love for a character with my fat, black body, because at the end of the day, I was the only person who could cosplay a character my way. My conventions expanded from two a year to damn near two a month, and I’d rock a different look every day instead of just once.

Along the way, I’d continue to try my best to inspire those who knew me online or from cons to love themselves despite what random Twitter-User-With-Two-Bot-Followers said to them. I became more vocal about the issues that were important to me, namely, the interlocked oppressions and struggles of fat folks, black folks, queer folks — in an always necessary word: intersectionality.

Which brings me back to that critical eye.

I didn’t want to comment on it at first, because I didn’t want folks to think I was ungrateful for their support. These were people who had been there for me from the beginning of my fandom journey. They cheered for me as I dealt with a whole host of commenters who felt more like those random monster encounters in RPGs. We had history together. There was this fear that lingered in the back of my mind that people would think I didn’t appreciate them. But I realized that some were forgetting the and in my character bio. I’m black and queer and fat and a woman. There were those who were separating each of those labels.

Sure, some people were all smiles and you’re such an inspiration when I told off some jerk online who criticized my weight, but those same folks were suddenly uneasy when I brought up race. Even positive, uplifting hashtags like #28DaysOfBlackCosplay were met with, “Um, excuse me, I’m curious about what you’d think if I started 28 Days of WHITE Cosplay.”

I’m exaggerating. It was definitely less civil than that.

If you’re unfamiliar with the hashtag, #28DaysofBlackCosplay was created in order to shine a light on black cosplayers, a group who’s prone to discrimination and/or being treated like some rare trading card because wow I didn’t know black people were into that! Chaka Cumberbatch-Tinsley’s digital movement is celebrating it’s 5^th anniversary this year and addresses a serious issue of exclusion within the geek community while giving black cosplayers visibility and a sense of community. But, as is often the case with anything with the word black in the title — folks took offense, even if they’d had my back before, even if there’s nothing negative about the hashtag.

This happened from all angles, too. I’d get virtual hugs about women’s issues, but head-scratching over whether or not the characters in my book had to be queer — “NOT THAT I HAVE ISSUES WITH GAY PEOPLE REPRESENTATION MATTERS I JUST THINK INSERTING AN ALL MIGHT SIZED FIST IN MY MOUTH IS A GOOD LIFE CHOICE.”

Sorry not sorry for the My Hero Academia reference.

The worst (and most awkward) case scenario? Having a clash of the identities when one was propped up over or against another. “Black people should protest peacefully, like queer people” is a thing I’ve heard people say with their whole entire chest. I’d kindly point out how Stonewall was, in fact, a riot, and that they were asking a black queer woman to separate her identities because one was, supposedly, better than the other.

As the eldest Brady Bunch daughter once said: “Sure Jan.”

The whole enterprise was awkward, infuriating, and exhausting. I could wear my giant Rainbow Brite ballgown to Pride and get all the love, then have a white woman badmouth Black Lives Matter to my face. Yes. This happened. Truth be told the ability to simultaneously compliment and insult is quite common in identity division. We convince ourselves — hey, at least she liked my giant, ruffled rainbows, right? At least she was at Pride and here for the LGBTQ+ community, right?

But is it really support if my and is purposely being ignored? Insulted?

People don’t realize how damaging it is to only acknowledge a part of someone instead of their entire being, especially if you’re gonna badmouth one aspect of a person’s identity, but praise, support, or comfort the other. I don’t expect an immediate understanding of my fat, black, queer experience, but I would — at the very least — want some compassion.

I still adore the geek community. I always look forward to going to conventions, playing elaborate games of dress up, reuniting with friends, and meeting new people. I don’t think I’d be as open as I am if I hadn’t found this space with its black celebratory hashtags, it’s rise of queer-friendly merch in artist allies, and its cosplay is for everyone mantras. That doesn’t mean the community is without its flaws.

It’s OK to question the things you love. It’s OK to point out the problems and ask for folks to do better by you. It doesn’t mean you love it any less, it just means that you know that you deserve better.