In a wildly erotic follow-up to the recent news that the recently-out actress Michelle Rodriguez and her super close buddy, model Cara Delevingne, got trashed and made out at a basketball game, M-Rod herself has confirmed that she and Cara are indeed a Thing, telling reporters, “It’s going really well. She’s so cool. When we started hanging out I just thought she was awesome, and we have the best time together.” For example, the couple recently was spotted in Paris drinking tiny bottles of Jack Daniels and sticking out their tongues.
Professor Rodriguez’s Lesbian Oral Sex 101 students demonstrate what they’ve learned as “prof” relaxes with the mini-bar
Furthermore, according to a January 21st report from reputable news outlet The Daily Mail, “the pair were pictured enjoying a cute date getting up close and personal with baby tigers at the Big Cat Encounters Ranch in Pahrump, Nevada.”
Wait stand still I need to take a picture for that “Lesbians Who Like To Share Photos Of Our Big Cats” Meet-Up we’re going to next week
If you are concerned about whether or not Cara Delevingne could kick your ass, stay concerned. Rodriguez confessed to the press that her lady love is “hard,” further noting, “You wouldn’t want to mess with her in a fight.”
Last night, the stunning duo attended a Prince concert in London. Metro UK reports that “the dark haired beauties looked a little worse for wear when they were spotted staggering out of Ronnie Scott’s late on Monday night.” Although it’s unclear who the second “dark-haired beauty” is, we can safely speculate that Cara and Michelle’s “worse for wear” is pretty easy on the eyeballs.
Seriously I can actually feel the blood leaking from my tampon we need to get out of here and get home stat
Much attention has been paid to the fact that Michelle and Cara, in a radical departure from the typical mating behavior of Obsessive Lesbians Freshly In Love, attended two separate events prior to the Prince concert, meaning they spent at least 2-3 hours apart for a solid portion of the evening. “Cara’s at her own fashion week party tonight, so doing her own thing,” Rodriguez revealed while refreshing Cara’s vine feed on her iPhone.
After the BAFTA Awards (pictured above) on February 16th, Michelle attended a Mulberry Dinner to Celebrate The Launch of The Cara Delevingne. I assume this event was similar to when the muppets launched The Gonzo out of a cannon.
More in line with lesbian tradition, a mysterious source alleges that “they’re really happy and loved-up and spending as much time together as possible. They’re also forever texting and messaging one another.” A mysterious source informed me personally that by “texting,” the other mysterious source probably meant “sexting.”
Cara and Michelle get in touch with nature at a paintballing excursion three weeks ago
Mysterious Source #1 added, “Michelle has been invited to [Cara’s sister] Poppy’s hen do in Los Angeles which is a big deal, and shows just how cool and accepting all Cara’s friends and family are. No one has batted an eyelid.” It seems likely that Cara’s family perhaps breathed a sigh of relief that their sinewy sibling is no longer licking Miley Cyrus’s tongue with her tongue.
This is how lesbians have sex
At some point this year, Michelle and Cara became Jedi Warriors and were spotted fleeing the planet via airplane while carrying laser swords.
Damn we really hit the jackpot at Babeland today
We can undoubtedly look forward to a happy, healthy and functional relationship between these two very physically attractive human beings.
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TO SHOW UP ON HERE OMG!
BLESS THIS BEAUTIFUL COUPLE WITH THE BLESSINGS OF ALL THE UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS!
and some kittens too!
My friend who is bi is really trying to not be smug about it when people dismiss that bi women don’t date other women publicly.
LET THAT BI FLAG FLY!
*throws purple glitter*
I keep smiling and thumbing up randomly, I should really work on my thesis but you know, ~*~*~*queer magic*~*~*~ is happening.
Ugh in my excitement I did not make any sense I meant that people dismiss bi women because they don’t date women publicly. My bi friend is trying not to be too smug about it but I see her grinning like a smug BAMF!
Love it.
thank you for mentioning the word bi though bra!
the article, as much as it’s awesome and funny and the caption-lolz, didn’t – and it made me a little sad
I know :( I think autostraddle probably just has to use the word ‘lesbian’in celebrity news stories a lot for SEO reasons to get more pageviews more ad revenue and such.
But CUTE BISEXUAL WOMEN BEING CUTE TOGETHER YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!
*ALSO THROWS PURPLE GLITTER*
Perfect captions are perfect.
I’m officially too gay to function after reading them!
*flips thesis abstract*
Sat down five minutes ago to ask myself how long til this would be on autostraddle and boom its up. I love all these posts!!!
Love this! They couldn’t be any hotter if they tried!
i call bullshit
Dear sweet lesbian lord(e), I pray that the paparazzi respectfully stalks these women and that they continue to hotly flip off the camera & make out in a variety of situations/outfits. Wo-men.
Amen, and amen.
*happy bi-visbility dance*
Man… The last 4 days have been SO GAY. :-)
I was going to say just that!!
*prays for J Law next*
I think this will only happen in my dreams
Heeeee! What even is this week? *Giddy*
Riese, I bet your fingers SURE have gotten some exercise the last few days!
I noticed you’ve typed some articles too! I’m sure that also keep those digits in shape! <3
The best decision I ever made in life was to set up email notifications whenever something is posted in the Serious Business tag.
that tag is proof that AS has its priorities in order.
This article confused me, its like it wanted to be satire but then not… Are you just in disbelief, Riese?
Between this, the Chicago Fire actress telling everybody she’s bi and Ellen Page, this has been a damn good Black/queer History month for me.
*pop and locks to a lift every voice/I’m coming out mashup*
I don’t actually care about either one but I’m all about visibility for the younger bisexual women.Get it
LIFT EVERY VOICE/I’M COMING OUT MASHUP.
If I don’t hear this at the club on Sunday I’m gonna be devistated.
I’m indifferent towards either one of them and glad they’re acknowledging the relationship but if I’m going to put my judgy hat on, which I will, aren’t they both kind of hot messes? Like Michelle has had several DUIs and avoided rehab and Cara seems to love a party and drugs… Which, fine, you do you, but together that seems like a hot mess waiting to happen.
emphasis on HOT mess
Yeah, this. As a bi woman, I really don’t like the stereotype that we’re “damaged.” It reads like the bored, slutty model is feeling edgy and that’s exactly the thing I feel like I’ve been fighting my whole life. That I exist.
I feel like a grinch when everyone is so happy for them. I guess I’m just very sensitive and would like decent examples of bi relationships that don’t make me feel like we, as a group, are being exploited. Good representation would make me happier than you can imagine.
Sorry if this comes off as offensive or incoherently written. I’m exhausted and stressed
Keep in mind: it’s one thing to say that about shitty lazy fictional portrayals on the teevee, but it’s quite another to say that about the lives of actual human beings.
There’s no way to do bisexual (or any flavor of queer, really) wrong.
I have to respectfully disagree on that point. Tila tequila? The Jersey Shore cast (to Italians)? When one person from a particular underrepresented group acts like a fool, I feel like it just reflects badly on everyone.
I agree with your sentiment though. I know it’s not right to make their relationship personal to me when I don’t even know them. Maybe it’s a wonderful relationship, even if it comes off as kind of a gross grab at being oh-so-subversive to those of us on the outside. Maybe it’s my own hang ups and the fact that people have no qualms about telling me to my face what they think of bisexuals “ewww, I would never date one. How do you know they’re not going to cheat with a man?”
@Soph – I don’t think that’s on the people themselves as much as it is on the media who falls over themselves to privilege their stories over those of other bisexuals who live life differently.
Also: Who’s to say that their choices are bad? That’s just our own judgements. I used to get all up on “slutty bisexuals” until someone pointed out to me that, hey, there’s nothing wrong with polyamory if that’s what you’re into. That really changed my perspective.
Pro tip: following Cara’s instagram for the Michelle pics was a really good idea.
Oh rad, that’s your girl now, Michelle Rodriguez? Happy for you two. Congratulations. I’m sure this is the start of a solid relationship, but may I remind you that I, too, have badass eyebrows and I know exactly when and where to stick out my tongue. Just sayin. Like, just in case.
“I’m sure this is the start of a solid relationship, but may I remind you that I, too, have badass eyebrows and I know exactly when and where to stick out my tongue. Just sayin. Like, just in case.”
I don’t know your story/if you’re single/whatever, but if you ever wonder what to put on an online dating profile, this is it. This is exactly it.
Good advice! I am SO single, if you couldn’t tell from my thirsty message to Ms. Rodriguez.
Riese, this might be the bestest thing you’ve ever written on AS.
omfg those captions. *dead*
fuck yea, eat your heart out harry styles
Great week to a lesbian
I love that their relationship consists of more than being drunk together. Hot girls in jumpsuits?!? This is a movie I would watch.
And this is how you break news like this one!
I just can’t bring myself to like Cara and these two are so messy together but it’s hilarious compared to so many other Hollywood couples
I hate being the killjoy here, but it just seems that Michelle is acting out and Cara is too young / immature for her. Don’t get me wrong, a fourteen year age difference doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But in this case, it really is. On the other hand, I like the idea that lesbian couples can have these bad idea relationships and the public accepts them without batting an eye.
LOL… and can I make a wild guess about the identity of Mysterious Sources #1 and #2 ? It is the most obvious thing, right?
I feel like we are all ignoring the fact that there is a place in Nevada where YOU CAN PLAY WITH BABY TIGERS!?!! I needed to be there yesterday!
I’m sorry but are we really calling the Daily Mail a ‘reputable news outlet’?
that was sarcasm
Ah right, sorry, too many 12 hour shifts in a row seem to have made me immune to inflection. Don’t mind me.
I would also like to chime in with “unhealthy” here. I don’t like to pass judgement on others relationships, especially celebs who we don’t know personally, but I would certainly advise a friend against starting a relationship with someone who is ok with them drinking when they’ve been through rehab several times over. I wish Michelle would choose an awesome chick who maybe supports her instead of letting her apparently walk down a similar path to ones she’s been on before.
Hate to be the one who breaks the “official” news (even tho we all know it), but theres a teeny tiny update on TMZ that states
“Michelle’s rep tells TMZ, the UK Mirror story — in which Michelle reportedly admitted to being in a relationship with Cara — is FALSE. The rep says Michelle never spoke to the Mirror.”
She might be trying to backtrack now eh?