Down in the basement, Obvious Plot Device is armed and dangerous. He attacks Betty mid-pickle fetching and I gasped and freaked out a lot at the prospect of him hurting her. Betty is a fucking BEAST though, and wrestles the poker away from him so she can stab him with it. Moral of this story: do not get between Betty McRae and her girl’s pickles. Now Betty’s got a stabbed Pet Nazi and some issues to solve.
and here is where we exhaust my knowledge of german: strudel fraulein the sound of music?
Pet Nazi starts speaking in German, and Betty understands him. He confronts her and she immediately denies that she is German, telling him to speak in English. Oh, I see. This is like that time I kissed a girl as a teenager and we both immediately denied that we were gay. Got it.
f 4 f? fraulein 4 fraulein?
Dr. Ned has to run because he is doing important doctor things like saving people, not getting drunk in girls’ boarding house, just being a generally upstanding dude who maybe any parent would want with their daughter? Lorna is mostly scarred by the fact he doesn’t eat beef. Looks like no one has eaten yet because Lorna insists on Gene returning home. Sorry, but it appears Captain Douchnozzle is too busy being a piece of shit pie.
i sure do hope that isn’t a sexual euphemism buddy bc my daughter deserves a goddamned orgasm
Lorna and Sheila are fighting in the kitchen because Sheila would just like to remind her mother that she is one of her children and also brought a nice dude to dinner and everyone treated him like shit. In Part Two of the Corbett Family Smacking People in the Face, Lorna smacks Sheila in the face.
you know what sheila beneath this betty crocker exterior i am not a bitch to fuck with
Downstairs, Betty is treating the soldier’s wound because no one is gonna let her keep her new pet Nazi if they see she’s not a responsible pet owner. Pet Nazi tells her that she is hiding part of herself away. Clearly he has already happened upon her secret basement DVD collection with every season of The L Word. Unfortunately he is also still a traitorous Nazi and tries to kill her. She starts speaking in German (!!!) and kicks him off.
son i warned you about the pickle situation and my commitment to satisfying my woman’s needs for pickle
Turns out that Betty McRae is actually Betty Something German, and her family had to hide their German heritage during World War I as people were being attacked or rounded up in camps. As a result, she learned German from her grandmother along with a recipe for onion cake which I believe is the same thing as tarte flambée, which is what my people call Look We Made A Superior Version of Pizza.
Back at Sudden Party, Gene is enough of a skeezebag that he opens his flirtations with Gladys by saying that he ALREADY KNOWS SHE HAS A FIANCE and he is gonna try to get in there anyway. Seriously Lieutenant Shitballs, could you be a worse person? There is a fucking Nazi in the basement and I am actually enjoying his screentime more than yours. Kate stumbles on this situation and believes some actual shit is going down rather than Gladys rejecting the gigantic dildo. Kate just desperately wants to be normal, and it breaks my heart that this seemed like part of that journey to her.
yeah my friends say i’m the white lil wayne i’ve got this one flow about natty lite it’s great
Mr. Akins’ wife gets more plastered than a sophomore at a rugby social and this allows the remaining Corbetts to laugh away their troubles. Thank goddess, because those kids are in dire need of laughter and sunshine.
i liked when she took off all her clothes and danced on the table to robyn
Gladys and Kate have a talk, and it rips my heart out a little bit. Gladys tells her that her father is gone, and there’s nothing left to fear. But it’s so much more complicated than that, because Kate is a survivor of abuse, which means that every day will be a little bit more of a struggle, and every decision will be that much harder, and everything she wants to forget will haunt her that much longer.
So what are you afraid of?
Everything.
dear charlotte hegele: please stop with your perfect disney face
Betty tells Pet Nazi he can go but then she tricks him because Betty is not about that shit. Gene comes out with his balls waving around and beats the shit out of Pet Nazi. This is the first time he’s ever seen his enemy up close, and it has an “important impact” on him. Betty tells the German that he’s wrong and she is not like him. Swoon, Betty Something German, you are such a magnificent champion of lesbians. Kate runs up to Betty and asks her what happens and in easily the best line of this entire series, Betty literally brushes the fucking dirt off her shoulders and says “I didn’t get pickles.”
I would also like to just say that while General Fuckwit and Gladys were processing things, this was going on in the background:
Upstairs, they make some incredibly intense faces and Ali Liebert let me just remind you that you are ON WATCH for this behavior.
He told me none of us can hide forever.
We do what we have to…to survive.
When we’re finally safe, it’s okay to stop fighting.
Now we get our end montage showing everyone getting their shit back together, including Gladys dealing with her Gay Boyfriend Feelings, Gene feeling dark and tortured about how shitty he is, and Kate singing in the choir, bless her beautiful Disney soul. Until next time, babes who drop bombs!
caaaaallll your giiiiirlfriend
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Hilarious and spot on! Kate needs to quit whining about her lack of romance, though – she HAD her chance with Betty, dammit, and she blew it! I swear I’m in love with Betty – she’s AMAZING in every way!
Bravo yet again for these hilarious recaps. Having you and Elaine Atwell AND this perfect show with all of the perfect faces ever is such an embarrassment of riches :)
Also amazing capping skillz – The misandry one looks like Gladys’ face is actually formed by a magical primate only found in the houses of well to do Canadian ladies. Well done!
I’ve been waiting for what you would have to say about Betty’s, “I didn’t get pickles,” line. Priceless.
The Betty Fuckin Mcrae Did Not Get Fuckin Pickles picture is gonna be my new background.
Im scared to actually watch the show because Kate is so funny and I dont know if the show can live up to her amazing vernacular.
Chiming in to say German actually does have feminine, masculine, and neutral nouns!
this episode made me cringe a lot!
okay when kate and betty were having that “do what you have to to survive” conversation i thought they were gonna kiss and that it was gonna be revealed that they have been secretly getting it on ever since kate came back. look i know i was grasping at straws but i need SOMETHING
I definitely thought they were going to kiss and/or at least talk about Betty being gay maybe. THEN THE SCREEN WENT BLACK and the show moved on to other things.
omg no during that scene I DEFINITELY got the impression that they’d been sleeping together. but probably not. *sobs*
Kate, you are killing me with these captions.
I was freaking out as well when the Nazi grabbed Betty in the basement, but then she did some shit-hot self-defense and I was like: “what was I thinking? this girl is fucking badass”.
I didn’t feel like this was the best episode to be honest, but that may have had something to do with the fact that I watched it in 5 minute bursts while it buffered on my phone on the train because I was too impatient to wait till I got home that evening (obviously I watched it again in one go when I was back). Probably because Gene is horrible and Betty and Kate weren’t in the same room as each other enough for my liking. BUT that hand holding moment you drew a heart around kinda made up for it.
I’m hoping with all the “What are you afraid of?”, “When we’re finally safe it’s okay to stop fighting” talk, the door is opening to Kate admitting her flaming homosexuality and running off with Betty into the sunset. If this hasn’t happened by the end of season 2 I will not be amused.
Been waiting for this since I finished watching the episode!
This was a fantastic recap! There are actual tears in my eyes. Half of those were because the recap was so funny and half of them were because of Ali Liebert’s face.
My little shipper heart squeed so loud at that background hand-hold!
Also I’m really jealous of Jodi Balfour because not only does she pull off a flawless Canadian accent for Gladys, she can also keep that accent perfectly when she sings!
and OMG how exciting was it that Charlotte Hegele tweeted that I Am No Church Mouse picture?
i had no idea it was an accent! MIND BLOWN
This was too funny. I can’t even —
Great re-cap as usual. So torn between watching the HABS! and watching BG next Wednesday!
BTW Isn’t Eugene supposed to have a twin brother? Doesn’t anyone find it weird that Mystery Twin wasn’t mentioned once this episode?
OH FUCK, I forgot there’s two of them!
So, I always look forward to these recaps, but I was especially looking forward to this week’s after the introduction of Mrs. Beaverton. Also, I need more of the Corbetts’ neighbor, Ellie, who apparently stashes bottles of rye in her neighbors’ attics?
Did anyone else notice that even when Betty and Gladys were jonesing for some alcohol while they were playing cards together, Betty didn’t offer up that bottle of lime cordial we know she keeps for Kate?
Also, I wonder what all of Canada would think if they knew a German-born lesbian was the one who really captured the escaped Nazi prisoner instead of that dickhead Gene.
And maybe Gene is a dick because he looks like Will Schuester. You can’t have that hair and a weird chin/jaw situation and not be a dick, I guess.
I wish I could read into the withheld cordial as a sign of undying love as much as the next person, but I’m pretty sure lime cordial isn’t alcoholic :P
For sure? Because I thought cordial was what Anne Shirley served to her bosom friend Diana that got her good and drunk on accident in “Anne of Green Gables.”
anne thought it was raspberry cordial but it was homemade currant wine
/grew up on sullivan entertainment
OMG…I thought the same thing – when I read ‘lime cordial’ I IMMEDIATELY thought of drunk Diana when Anne Shirley was allowed to be hostess for her first grown up tea! Anne thought it was cordial since she’d never actually tasted it before, lol! Led to some brilliant scenes, hehe….
LOVED the Sullivan Entertainment movies…that IS the Anne Shirley I will always picture in my mind. So jealous of her gorgeous hair…and I would have found it PERFECTLY reasonable if Diana and Anne had allowed friendship to turn into love, lol! I’m fond of Gilbert, but he could be a friend. ;-)
I’m pretty sure that I, too, was under the impression that cordial was alcoholic because of Anne of Green Gables. Good thing we have Kate to remember the details there! I didn’t remember/know that it had actually been wine. Also I love how so many of us associate cordial with Anne of Green Gables.
Damn. Forgetting my “Anne of Green Gables” details feels like such a queer party foul.
ANNE: Marilla, look at the puffs.
MARILLA: They’re ridiculous. You’ll have to turn sideways to get through the doors.
I can’t get over how flawless Vera is. She and Betty need to get together because no one else could possibly be badass enough for either of them.
I AM. I AM BADASS ENOUGH FOR BETTY MCRAE.
Get in line! I’m very stubbornly insisting that I’ll be first in line at Betty’s door, dammit! OMG…she looks SO good in the pants/slacks of that era.
And someone else commented that Kate is hopeless about flirting with guys, but she sure as hell flirted like crazy with Betty. It’s not fair or fun to have someone experiment and play with your heart like that!
Omg that bit about Josie and the Pussycats killed me! These recaps just get better and better. God I love this show. But wait, you missed the part where Vera gets flowers sent to her by Mrs. Beaverton!
this episode is making me have a lot of feelings!
I wish I could drown them in onion cake&federweißer(new wine/young wine) right now. thats what onion cake’s all about, the alcoholic beverage that goes along with it
Love Betty, but the poor gal can’t catch a break!
I totes agree that this was the best episode of the show yet. Also, last night I dreamed that Kate and Betty got married and it was perfect.
oh my god i love these recaps so much i dont even know. and unlike most other recap shows on AS, this is one that is acutally worth watching on the tv AS WELL as reading your recaps
Loved the recap, hilarious as always…but I really didn’t like this episode at all. It might be because the sound seemed a little screwed up when I watched it and shit like that always throws me off and I was in a bit of a bad mood but I def thought this was the weakest episode thus far…Yay for the pickles line though! That shit was amazing.
That Face Chart is the fucking best.
I’m okay with Kate awkwardly flirting with guys if we get more commentary from Gladys and Vera about how terrible Kate is at flirting.
We know that Kate is hopeless at flirting with guys. But we also know that Kate is really really good at flirting with girls.
“Hey Betty, let’s go to the dance!” “Hey Betty, want to try a twirl?” “You’re a treasure, Betty.”
Lord Beaverbrook was born in Canada and became a media baron and peer. Possibly the Lady Beaverton character is a riff on that. The name is genius. And sending flowers to Vera? That would be a story line worth pursuing.
“I LIKED WHEN SHE TOOK OFF ALL HER CLOTHES AND DANCED ON THE TABLE TO ROBYN”
you would really like me at karaoke
also i’ve been waiting for this recap all week because i found this gem i’ve been dying to share with all of you:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/4ccfc5571560566a59bc5c6fa7e4dd16/tumblr_mgn66venPC1qa09l9o1_1280.jpg
ali liebert is that you??????????????
I…just…I’ll be in my bunk…
OMG…is that her? *Dying*
nothing could of prepared me for that image!
and i have a suspicion that is betty to
Ugh so annoyed that Gene got all the credit in the newspaper, although Betty was the one who actually nabbed the prisoner of war.
I hate that Leon is the Magical Negro of this show, his character needs some fleshing out.
OMG, right? I am so sick of Magical Leon.
Finally got around to watching the episode. So great but WHAT? Even as a native speaker I had problems understanding the guy. So dearest Bomb Girl people, next time you cast a German, remember that both his German & English accent should actually sound German?
Bomb Girls episodes are such a treat that I save them until I see the Autostraddle recap posted and then I have to watch the episode right away so I can read the recap afterwards.
What is the song that Gladys and Gene sing together? It’s been driving me INSANE not knowing!!