Over at Joyless Junction, Bob is on Lorna’s case again because instead of just being 80% sure his wife was carrying another man’s cannoli, he is 99.99% sure. As a result he kicks her out of the house. Come on, Bob. You had such a Mister Rogers vibe last season. You are killing me, man.
Vera is fishing where all the soldiers are picking up girls (I’m confused by the logistics of this, but apparently there is a place where the soldiers literally troll for girls? anyway) and finds she’s caught an Italian Stallion. Marco says they should go get ice cream. Oh, Marco. Please don’t put a baby lasagna in Vera.
Gladys just finished the bump and grind with James. Turns out the clap is treatable, my bad. She gives him a quick lesson in bullet construction. It’s sweet because her face is the face of an angel but I still don’t like this dude. Team Kai, y’all.
They head over to the lesbian commune to say howdy to Betty and Kate, who are in the middle of…skin treatments? Betty continues to be unimpressed with James, makes great faces, etc.
James insults the lesbian commune and Betty is done with his shit. They head out to the beach where James gets tanked and fails to shoot a dummy off a log. This reveals his inner demons about not being able to lead people into battle and feeling inadequate even though his social status was what got him an undeserved position? I don’t…whatever.
Lorna spends the night at the factory re: Bob kicking her out. Marco leaves her a note instructing her to come see him half-naked so they can have a serious discussion. Oh, Marco.
Kate goes to the trailer where she and father were living to get the last of his money. A cop shows up and tells her that her father has died and he’s looking for information re: the whole death thing. Kate plays it cool and hard. Damn, Lady Vengeance Kate. You are a boss. She heads down to the station to ID the body, cool as a motherfuckin cucumber.
In the men’s locker room, aka the perfect place to have a really serious life-changing conversation, Marco wants to talk turkey sausage with Lorna. Lorna says she’s going to go away to have the baby and then give it up for adoption. Marco says he wants to raise it in the proper Italian family so it grows to love spaghetti as much as he does. It is difficult to follow this conversation when Marco’s man nipples are showing.
Kate IDs the body, but not before the cop starts poking holes in her story. I have a really awful feeling about how this plot is going to turn out but am trying to focus on lesbianism to stay happy.
Bad news at the factory, where the war is going super bad for the Allies and everyone is freaking about it. While the factory workers join in an impromptu rendition of “God Save Colin Firth”, Lorna starts feeling not so hot.
In the other locker room, Betty is begging Kate not to leave, even though Kate insists that it’s the only way she can save them both.
You’ve got a life here, not me. You found a boy.
He’s nothing but a fling!
You deserve to be happy. Why do you want me messing up your life?
The thing is, Kate. The thing is –
The thing is that she still has her L Word DVDs? The thing is that they got sorted into Gryffindor and Hufflepuff? Nope, we all know the thing is that Kate is Betty’s whole life, and if she leaves, she takes her whole heart with her.
But Betty doesn’t get to finish because Lorna busts in and they need to take her to the hospital. Betty begs Kate to come home afterwards. This is my face right now:
Vera has gone fishing for soldiers again, and hooks a goddamned hunk. If this show ends with everything in flames but Vera happy and snug as a bug in a rug, then I will be pleased.
Ivan comes to visit Betty at the lesbian commune. He really looks like my high school boyfriend, guys. He says some RIDICULOUSLY CORNY LINES that I may or may not recycle at some point, and manages to kiss her. It’s the most awkward kiss I’ve ever seen.
And then, in yet another scene that is equal parts hilarious and heart-breaking, she THANKS HIM and PATS HIM ON THE BACK. This could only be presented in gif form.
Oh, my dear sweet Ivan. Someday this will all make sense, I swear. She will send you a MySpace message apologizing for never wanting to kiss or touch or anything and then tell you she has a girlfriend. And you will block her on AIM but you will come to understand in your own way, I promise.
Meanwhile, Vera is getting super lucky and is apparently a “destroyer” in the sack? Looks like the birth of my “All Aboard the HMS Vera” jokes, congratulations folks.
Now that Joyless Junction has migrated to the hospital, we await the fate of Lorna and Baby Cannoli. Marco shows up, because he is pretty but he is dumb. Bob punches him in the face. I shit you not.
Unfortunately, much like Marco’s pretty face, Baby Cannoli did not make it through the episode.
Ah, Baby Cannoli, we hardly tasted ye.
Back at the lesbian commune, Kate returneth! Betty is drinking tea with Ivan (v. sensual, good choice guys) and DROPS THE TEA POT when she sees Kate. Subtlety is definitely Betty’s number one skill, let’s face it.
I was out there thinking that I had no family left, but then I realized that I did.
Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just over here sobbing. I also watched this entire scene with R. Kelly playing in my head?
Something happens with James still being whiny and then Gladys takes his picture I DON’T EVEN CARE I refuse to screencap him whining more. Dare I say he is the Finn Hudson of this show? Anyway.
Vera and Gladys do a stride of pride into work the next day. It’s glorious and I love them.
Lorna wakes up to Bob and Sheila taking care of her. Yes, that Bob. Maybe the spirit of Mister Rogers has repossessed him?
Sad to see Baby Cannoli go, but when god closes a window, she opens a closet door and tells Betty and Kate to walk on out and start kissing super hard. Thanks, god.
