“Batwoman” Episode 309 Recap: Shut Up and Kiss Me

Nic
Jan 20, 2022
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Hello and welcome to the recap for the perfectly normal Batwoman episode, “Meet Your Maker”, where everything was fine and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Hahahahahahaha just kidding y’all. I’m one of those really fun people who celebrates their birthday for whatever period of time feels right, so I decided to accept this episode as a birthday week gift from the Batwoman writers because my word, they GAVE. Let’s get into it.

We open right away on two fishermen who I can only assume are about to pose with their catch of the day for their dating profiles. Nope, it’s far more dastardly than that, because they’re gutting fish they’re supposed to be catching and releasing. The men are pulled into the water by one Pamela Isley who then breaks the surface like an environmental lady of the lake. Renee rushes to check on Pam who incorrectly thought that spending an extended period of time under water would help get her strength back.

pam staring up at renee
“I’m sorry…WHAT happened on the Yellowjackets finale?!”

This isn’t the point, but the beanie work in this episode is *chef’s kiss*. To illustrate said non-point, a beanie-clad Ryan is having some trouble getting out of her head lately, so she decides to visit Mama Cora’s grave in hopes that she’ll get some clarity. She wonders aloud how her mom was able to make “being everything to everyone” look easy. The short answer? Cora was a Black woman who was probably taught by another Black woman that in order to raise a strong Black woman, she needed to take on everyone’s burdens without letting them see you sweat. But I’m getting ahead of myself. More on that later.

Ryan Wilder looking forlornly at her mom's grave
“Was Hercules ever like ‘Yo, I don’t wanna fight Cerberus?’”

Down in Batcave .5 (I’m not sure what to call this, but “2.0″ felt like an upgrade which this super is not), Luke is doing pull-ups while Sophie barely blinks and cracks jokes about HR violations. Luke is big mad about Beebo knows what, so he decides to hit something about it. He, Sophie, and Sophie’s blazer spar but he doesn’t give her any clues about what’s upsetting him.

Sophie Moore holding sparring pads
“Come on Luke, punch like I’m the Democratic party and all you want is for me to stop disappointing you!”

At Jeturian Industries, Jada looks longingly at a photo of her and her son as a surprise visitor enters her office. It’s John Diggle! Hi John! He’s here because they’re old friends (okay and also he was already in town) so he offers to help Jada with Marquis. Now, normally I don’t get invested in het nonsense, but I want the backstory between these two so bad.

Back in the woods, Pam is frustrated that she has to keep looking down in order to talk to Renee. Just kidding, like us, she also loves a height difference. She’s actually frustrated because nothing she’s tried has worked to bring her back to full strength. Renee calls her out for killing those fishermen, but Pam explains she was merely correcting an imbalance in nature. Renee looks disappointed because she assumed that once she freed Pam, she would get the soulmate she envisioned. She does apologize and admit guilt for what she did, but that’s not enough for Pam at this moment. As Pam starts to walk away, Renee reveals that she knows how to get Pam’s strength back.

Pam stares back at Renee
Again, how does Bridget Regan make shriveled look chic??

Petty LaBelle has arrived at the Not!Batcave with coffee in hand for herself and Luke AND NONE FOR SOPHIE MOORE, BYE! Y’all, Ryan looks Sophie in her whole ass face as she drinks her coffee, rolls her eyes, and explains that they’re busy because her girlfriend Renee is galavanting around Gotham with an ecoterrorist. I…RYAN! Girl! It’s a good joke, it’s a great joke, even, but as fun as this is for me personally, you gotta talk to her instead of deflecting with pettiness.

Ryan stares at Sophie with an attitude
“I don’t know if you heard, but this is all happening because you slept with Renee Montoya.”

They realize that the reported attacks fit OG Ivy’s M.O. so Mary most likely isn’t behind them. Luke created some fun science darts they can use on Pam that will slow her down so they can recreate the desiccation serum without killing her.

The team gathers around Sophie as she does a quick triangulation to figure out where Pam is. Real fast y’all, Sophie and Ryan’s outfits are coordinated. I mean, if that’s not true love… Anyway, Sophie discovers that Pam is in the very specific “National Park”, which worries Ms. Moore because of the entire history of cinema training her to believe that when Black people go into the woods, they don’t come out. Ah see, but Ryan notes Black people never write those movies so they’re going to flip the script on ‘em. Reader, I screamed.

Ryan looking smugly at the team
“Y’all, we’re fine. Maya co-wrote this episode. She’s gonna take care of us.”

At Jeturian Industries, Jada’s just finished telling Diggle what’s been going on with Marquis and that once he wakes up he’s going right for his sister. Jada offers Diggle a job as head of her security team “just like old times.” I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. Jada wants to get help for her son instead of just locking him up, because it’s almost like treating mental illness before incarcerating someone might have some merit. Unfortunately, Diggle declines the job offer but suggests Jada finds the Joker’s joy buzzer to possibly re-jolt Marquis back to himself. He’s heard a rumor that Renee Montoya’s been after BatVillains’ weapons so they decide to pay her a visit.

Back on the shore, Renee describes natural networking and plants feeling vibrations while Pam looks on, aroused. The chemistry between these two is truly out of control. They realize that drawing Mary to Pam via the cutting that infected Mary will help revive Pam. So Pam controls the wind and sends vibes out to her sporeling. PS: wind is gay now. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Renee smiling down at Pam as Pam caresses Renee's head
I’ve decided to focus on happy Renee for now.

And speaking of Mary, she’s armed with sugary coffee drinks for her and Alice who’s reading the latest news on OG Ivy. Mary just wants to get out of this city so she suggests a trip to Santorini, and Alice is all, “Say less.” In case you weren’t sure who wrote this episode, Alice drops in a little BTS “BUTTER” reference that has Maya Houston all over it (congrats, girl!!). But before the dynamic duo can hit the road, Mary gets a killer headache thanks to “the OG.”

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Road trip time! Sophie is driving the team into the woods (*sings* into the woods!) and tries to apologize to Ryan for screwing everything up with regards to Renee. Meanwhile, Luke is in the backseat, silently wishing moms would just kiss and makeup already. (It’s at this point in the episode that I naively thought “LOL imagine?!”) Ryan’s still got a wall up when it comes to Sophie, so she hits her with the “yep” instead of processing the apology.

Ryan, Luke, and Sophie are in a car headed to the woods
If “awkward” were a photo.

There’s no more time for real talk though, because they almost run over a rogue white man (NO!) who stumbles into the road. Luke and Ryan go help him as vines start to drag the car with Sophie in it. Ryan “I’m mad at Sophie” Wilder screams out for her girl, but no worries Ry Ry. Sophie oh so smoothly undoes her seatbelt, grabs a bag, and tucks and Ludacris rolls out of the car just in time.

Remember that thing about flipping the script? Well it is in full effect here because the first person to die in the woods? A white man! And do our melanated friends stop to investigate? They sure do not! They hightail it out of there and take cover in a nearby cabin.

Ryan and Luke stare at a dead body in shock
“This escalated so quickly!”

In the cabin, which I’m sure they checked for skeletons and missing girls soccer teams, Luke is aggressively hammering the door shut. Ryan and Sophie are gay and as such, they know a thing or two about deflecting via home improvement projects, so they ask Luke what his deal is. He explains that he thinks everything that’s been happening to them has been his fault and he doesn’t feel like a hero.

Ryan and Sophie looking at each other
“We’re going to need to play nice and help our friend, aren’t we?”

Ryan tells Luke that the thing about heroes is that on their path to becoming great, they fail. Take Sophie (who is just minding her Black ass business) for example, she let TWO people escape on her watch. Not one to be outdone, Sophie joins in and illustrates that Ryan also isn’t perfect because she didn’t even notice that her best friend was turning into Poison Ivy. *ahem* “Hi yes, Officer, I wouldn’t normally call you, but I’d like to report a double homicide in the form of two lesbians refusing to talk and instead tossing grenades at each other. Thanks so much.”

Ryan smiling at Luke and Sophie smiling at Ryan
The smiles! They are pained!

In another part of the woods, Poison Pam and Renee are getting cozy in a tent, and by cozy I mean Pam is about to pass out after depleting her energy by killing that white dude and chasing the Bat Team away. Pam asks Renee how the Bat Team knew where she’d be, and Renee sticks up for them. Since Ryan wasn’t in the Batsuit, it appears her fear about Renee telling Pam everything about their identities was warranted.

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Nic

Nic is a Senior Product Manager at a major Publisher and lives in Astoria, NY. She is way too attached to queer fictional characters and maintains that buying books and reading books are two very different hobbies. When she’s not consuming every form of fiction, you can find her dropping it low on the dance floor. You can find Nic on twitter and instagram.

Nic has written 85 articles for us.