Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire post to answering them every month instead! We think this will be a lot of fun for everybody in the whole family. We have included as many as we can. We love you, your hair looks fantastic today!

BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Wherein the country is A Camp typically held? And how much is the cost usually? Can I bring my cats?
Riese: It is held in the San Bernardino mountains, and these days is in the neighborhood of $600. You cannot bring your cats because they will make me sneeze and make my eyes itch! But you can buy YES CATS! from the Autostraddle store and read it at camp, or bring a stuffed cat? Idk, I’m just spitballing here.

UGH I CAN NEVER FIND WHERE TO SUBMIT EVENTS I dunno where that sits on your priority scale for fixing but anyway just adding it to Cee’s big whiteboard of doom
Yvonne: Tbh, I’ve been there! I’ve struggled to find the submit events link, which is this one right here. I think you’re right and we need the link to be more accessible. I’ll ask Cee about it! But for now, you should star/bookmark the link for future event submitting.

Alsoooooooo will you let us know when you reopen submissions? Or are you planning to do that any time soon? It’s okay if you’re not of course, but I have Ideas (this is Dina btw if it matters)
Riese: Hi Dina! Dina remember that wedding we just went to where everybody danced like a hooligan, that was fun. We’ll let y’all know, yes! We just have TONS of stuff to go through from the call for writers still and are still working with our six new staff writers for their assorted debuts on this fine website of ours.

I didn’t know where else to send this so I’m hope I’m not misusing the contact box, but I just want to give Bren a shout-out because she is a goddamn angel. I had several exchanges with her over email about the whereabouts of my order (through no fault of Autostraddle’s) and she was so nice and patient. Four for you, Bren!
Rachel: Bren is the greatest of us all, she is more than any of us deserve.

Riese: If Bren asked me for a job recommendation for any job in the entire world, including Secretary of State or the CEO of A Really Important Whiskey Company, I would tell them “not hiring Bren will be the worst mistake you ever make in your entire life.”

Laneia: Y’all, Bren is one of the best things that ever happened to Autostraddle / my life, and that is the honest to goodness TRUTH.

Heather: My Patronus is Bren.

Yvonne: Bren is a goddamn miracle worker! She’s so great!

hi you guys I mostly just wanted you to know that I danced around my living room this morning because I was so fucking excited about the Lazy Femme t-shirts they legit made my day. so, thank you.
Riese: You’re welcome! When my Mom saw the box of them, she was like, “are you saying that femmes are lazy?” and I was like GOD MOM! NO! “Lazy femme” is an important gender presentation that DJ talked about once and Hansen talked about once and everybody wanted a t-shirt. Probably if I’d had a gif of you dancing around in your Lazy Femme t-shirt, that would’ve really added to the conversation, I think?

This Gal Pals crew neck is everything. So glad I bought it.
Riese: I feel the same way about mine!

is there a link to the autostraddle calendar (not just the shorter list of upcoming events) on the home page? If not, an easy-to-find button would be great! Or maybe it’s here and I just can’t find it!
Yvonne: What you can do is go to the upper right hand corner of the main page and click on the star icon which will bring you to a drop down menu. On that menu, you’ll find “Events” and if you click on that, it’ll show you a list of Autostraddle meet-ups! Viola!

Hey AS! I want to order your YES CATS zine but am told that shipping to the UK is the same price as the zine itself? the other ones weren’t like this, i don’t think? Happy to pay for writing by my favourites but that seems steep!
Riese: We’re currently charging $11.95 for international shipping of the zines — which is actually less than it actually costs to ship! (It’s $12.33 for shipping, plus 75 cents for handling/packaging).

I just got my A+ sticker in the post and Abby had handwritten a tiny little note on the front to say Hi, which is just about the most adorable thing ever. So Hi Abby! Thanks for my sticker!
Abby: XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Hey, I was just wondering how long it typically takes to restock an item in the store – I want to get my friend a scissoring t-shirt for Christmas, and she likes the red one better. Thanks!
Riese: I don’t think we’re re-stocking the scissoring t-shirts any time soon… but you can always get a scissoring sweatshirt! IT’S SO SOFT AND COZY!

I noticed The Toast is doing a thing where they have a little unobtrusive box at the bottom of every article where you can “Tip the Toast.” I haven’t used it yet (slightly tight on cash this month), but I’m planning in the new year to build maybe ten or twenty dollars a month into my budget. If ya’ll felt like adding such a feature here, I would probably split that money between here and The Toast. (Alongside my A+ subscription)
Yvonne: Thanks for supporting us, first of all! We really appreciate it! I think this is a terrific idea. I’m not sure if we have the $$$ and technical capabilities to do this at the moment. You can always support us by dropping us some extra $$$ here.

Greetings, Editorial Overlords! I was wondering if you’ve ever thought about putting a tipjar on your website, say, on each article? Has anyone mentioned this before? Have you already thought of it? Is it languishing in the list of “things we have no time/money for”? Is this considered bad internet practice? Because I think it would be great to have an icon you could click on to give a few bucks to the site/author after reading something incredibly moving/hilarious/important/relevant to my hairstyle. Think about it. People tip a couple bucks for a cute person to pour them a coffee or a drink. And that takes them about 20 seconds to make. Meanwhile, I just spent half an hour reading something that could change my life, that you guys put tons of time into creating. Why shouldn’t I give y’all a few bucks for that? I can’t be the only one who’d be glad to show some support in a non-commenty way after reading something awesome.
Yvonne: Yes, dear reader, this is a great idea! Like I mentioned above, I’m not sure if we can do this at the moment. But for now, feel free to donate to us via PayPal. 

Riese: For sure, this is something we’ve thought about!

I bonded with a new friend over making a cat chapbook together so now I am getting her YES CATS for christmas and I think she’ll be really excited! So thank you for being perfect and creating things that are so perfect to give to other perfect people!
Rachel: Um excuse me but it sounds like you’re the perfect one here

I was just reading the Some Answers #3 article, and it made me realise how much more confident I feel within myself since I started visiting this site. I never really had that crisis of confidence at first, but I was never really sure about labels, or about coming out and what have you. I saw myself as being in a spacious sized closet without really needing to come out, but now I’ve learnt to be my best self and wear plaid and (possibly?) slouchy hat beanies and shop in the men’s section if I damn well want to and not worry about labels because they don’t even matter and not worry about coming out because who cares until I meet someone? And I apologise for the run-on sentence, but I need to express my gratitude. Until finding this site, I felt really isolated, and now I have somewhere to go when people are unconsciously homophobic and shitty, and somewhere to look when I just don’t know the answers (most especially Riese’s article on her sexuality; that helped me more than words can express – I had a literal epiphany moment and things made so much more sense when I read that). So, yeah. Thanks a bunch; you guys are the best

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

VERY IMPORTANT heather have you seen this my best friend and I are sorting everyone we know and it’s incredible and more people need to know

Heather: Okay, someone shared that in the Friday Open Thread where I ranked all the Hogwarts houses by how good they are in the sack, which, by the way, my Ravenclaw friends are still fuming about, and I dove deep, deep, deep into that Chamber of Secrets and spent several days there. So, yes, I have seen it, and thank you for sharing it again, and everyone should click on it.

So have you guys ever like dropped your toothbrush..like you were brushing like always and it just somehow slips out of your hand and now all that foamy toothpaste gets on your shirt because you had the reaction to TRY to catch it and failed then it fell onto the floor and ROLLED leaving a trail of foamy toothpaste on the carpet. Just me? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Rachel: Do you have carpeting in your bathroom? What’s that like? Did you have an extra toothbrush????

Laneia: The weirdos I live with have a curious habit of dropping their toothbrushes into or behind the toilet? I’ve replaced so many toothbrushes for them over the years. Be honest, were you dancing while you were brushing your teeth? Did something startle you? Be safe out there with your toothbrushes, you guys!

Hello! I’m the person who was about to go on a date with the woman with the great hair and was in the middle of a nervous breakdown? Status update: it is a month later and we have heaps in common so conversation was not at all awkward and she’s really great (also, holy crap amazing sex). I’m not even freaking out about whether she’s my girlfriend or if I am replying to her texts too fast. Turns out dating as a 30-something is SO MUCH BETTER than it was last time I did this. I might make a bingo card anyway, because that sounds pretty hilarious. Anyways, thanks A+ Priority Contact Box and Rachel for being there when I needed to yell at someone about being a nervous wreck ;)
Rachel: God you’re such a champion! Look at this champion, everyone! This could be you! This could be all of us! The rising tide of how great this person is doing will lift all boats! Mazel tov!

oh my god, you guys, i love this website so much. i’m kind of tipsy and it’s my 14-month anniversary with my girlfriend who i love and i love this website so much thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me thank you for making me a brave lil queer and for recommending the best sex toys and having LITERALLY THE COMFIEST T-SHIRTS IN THE WORLD?? i’m wearing a scissoring shirt right now and i luv it. also hi do you have any tips for how to get more into the beautiful autostraddle community because i love all these people so much theyre so cool I WANNA BE COOL TOO!! YOU’RE ALL SO COOL!!!! XOXO
Laneia: Hello it is I, Queen of Cool (no), and I’m here to say A) congratulations on 14 months with your girlfriend!! That’s so exciting and I’m glad you like our shirts!! B) I do believe that the best way to get more involved in the AS community is to comment on this here website and then go to or host meetups in your area. To get you started, here’s a list of all the Holigay Meetups!

Yesterday I had an interview with a doctor for my new employer. I got off the bus too early by mistake, it rained on me, then hailed on me. Getting desperate I asked a man walking 8 dogs for directions. Next thing I know I’m being picked up by traffic officers for walking along the verge of a busy road. I actually made the appt,and she was happy to declare me fit to work. But it was a horrible morning. (Also, speaking to a doctor knowing none of it is confidential is the weirdest thing.) Bleurgh
Laneia: Dear, dear bird. I hope you gave yourself the best hug when you finally made it home after this! I’m making potatoes au gratin for dinner tonight (they had 10lb bags of Russets on sale for 50¢ last Sunday, so I’m currently awash with potatoes) and I would gladly save you the best corner piece as a reward for successfully surviving that morning. Bleurgh indeed! Here, please enjoy these adorable cat and dog videos, courtesy of Heather and Yvonne.

Case closed!

A video posted by Heather Hogan (@heatherannehogan) on Nov 6, 2015 at 8:16am PST

Baby lamb learning how to walk ???#Tungipups A video posted by Yvonne (@queertejana) on Jul 21, 2015 at 5:30pm PDT

Just popping in to tell y’all that I’m still LOVING the Autostraddle Weekly newsletter in my email box. I know it’s mostly pointing out stuff that is already on the website (or will soon-to-be there), but something about getting in my email, curated by one of the editors feel so… personal? It feels like an e-zine or an adult version of when I used to get the American Girl magazine as a kid. Something special, and just for me. I love it. And I love y’all. Keep it up! Your making so many days brighter with the work you do!
Laneia: Thank you!! Oh wow this is exactly how we want you to feel — like it’s personal and curated and something special just for you. I feel so peaceful and excited all at once re: this!

Yvonne: I’m so happy you love the Autostraddle Weekly! I’ve written two so far and I’ve had a lot of fun writing them because it’s like writing a special note to friends. I’m excited to see where it goes!

Rachel: I’m so glad you feel that way! Honestly making them feels like that too — like we’re making a tiny internet zine and packaging it up and sending it to you by hand, I love it.

Riese: I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE FEEL EXACTLY HOW I WANT THEM TO FEEL

I just watched Inside Out for the first time and I was a sobbing mess by the end of that movie. Like, it was embarrassing. I’m actually glad I was watching it alone! But it’s 1:30 AM and I just needed to share with someone! And Autostraddle is like my adult version of an imaginary friend. You are all my Bing Bong.
Rachel: Oh good lord that Bing Bong part was WAY OVER THE LINE. I watched a pirated Portuguese version while on a 24-hour Amtrak ride and I was very emotionally unprepared for that scene given the location and my level of sleep deprivation. STILL THOUGH I will store this message as a happy memory!

Laneia: I was like, “I am not going to cry about this fucking movie, I will not. I SHAN’T.” and then that was not true, so I really relate to you right now. I hope you never forget about us!! Oh man. Oh god now I just got sad all over again.

Heather: I stopped watching Pixar movies after the opening half hour of Up tried to ruin my life. I’ll probably watch Finding Dory, though. Yeah, I’ll watch Finding Dory. Anyway, you’re my Bing Bong too.

I’m going to see andrea gibson tonight and I’m sooooooo.fucking.pumped I had to share bc I know you guys would get it and none of my friends get it I mean ****swoon****
Heather: Did she do Pansies? Pansies always makes me cry, in a good way!

When your clocks are lagging in two different time zones, you get to wish on 11:11 twice in one night for your straight friend to fall in love with you.
Rachel: Oh babe this one was a real emotional rollercoaster. I’m gonna light a candle for you.

Everything is hard today, so I’m just shouting into the void. Also our house dog just growled from his bed (he’s a grumper sometimes) and I made noises back at him this is normal though right?
Riese: You should see how I talk to other people’s cats when they’re not around

I’m sorry that I haven’t commented in a few weeks, the content has been really good and I’m still reading everything every day. I’m just very overwhelmed with life and work and finals and I just found out that my dog has cancer and I don’t know what to do or how to be a human most of the time. Y’all have been posting some really good stuff though so I will just say thank you here and hopefully I’ll get my shit together soon. thankyouuu
Laneia: Oh no! I would give you a corner of these potatoes I’m making, too! I want to say that I hope your dog is OK, but then what if it isn’t OK and then this is a reminder of that? But I’m saying it anyway because it’s what I need to tell you. I hope your dog is OK.

my sticker came! it’s really nice! but i get really indecisive about stickers. where should i stick it? where do y’all put your stickers (not just autostraddle but any kind)? do you only have slogan or brand stickers, or do you also sometimes just buy stickers, like maybe of kittens or flowers or little cartoon fruits with faces? i just kinda wanna know how the team feels about stickers in general and/or get some ideas for what to do with my PERFECT WONDERFUL a+ sticker, if you have a sec (no pressure! y’all are so great and wonderful and you give us so much of your time and energy already! i just like stickers, & this comment box, & u)
Laneia: I LOVE STICKERS! I don’t put any stickers on my laptop or expensive things because I once put an entire series of scratch and sniff stickers on my antique wood bed frame when I was like six years old and my mom nearly ran me up a tree. It was soon after this that she bought me a Rainbow Brite sticker album, which was very smart of her. I really like putting stickers on packages and letters that I mail to people. Just think of all the people a package passes through on its way to its destination, and all of those people got to look at a cute glittery cupcake smiling back at them! But that won’t do for your A+ sticker, will it. Do you have a metal lunch box? That would be such a good place for stickers.

Yvonne: Ok so real talk, I bought a clear laptop case just so I could cover my laptop in stickers because I didn’t want to put the stickers on the actual laptop. Stickers are so fun, especially when they shout radical/leftist political beliefs to strangers at a coffee shop! At the moment, this is what my laptop looks like, but I have more stickers that I haven’t added yet because they’re in a box that I haven’t unpacked from moving and I’m too lazy to get them out.

Riese: When I was a wee sprout in a world of tall green plants and my mother did not deem me eligible for paying labor (I’ve wanted to work and make money pretty much since I learned to walk), I’d babysit for kids when their parents were home but too busy to pay attention to their kids and I’d get paid in stickers b/c I collected stickers. Obviously scratch-n-sniff stickers were my top faves but I also loved Lisa Frank stickers. I still use heaps of stickers for things like making holiday cards! I put stickers on my notebooks now, mostly.

Thank you for not abandoning me in my final hour,” is a thing I just melodramatically whispered to my dog after he stood by my side looking concerned while I choked so hard on a bit of ham that I had tears flowing down my face while the echo of my hacking reverberated off the walls. Then he promptly wrapped his paw around my leg and GAVE ME A HUG! And then got self-conscious and stopped when I told him that his hug was the cutest thing in the history of all universes. Anyway, I thought Heather Hogan might need to hear that story.

Heather: I did need that. It’s my birthday today and that was the perfect gift!

So I think the most controversial thing that happened at Thanksgiving is that I found out my brother’s best friend from high school thinks Brandon from The Fosters is the cutest and she’s like a grown ass woman with otherwise rational thoughts. It no longer surprises me that people are voting for Donald Trump
Riese: Did you know that there are people who ship Amy and Liam from Faking It? Like how effed up is that?

Heather: I was out with some queer friends at brunch the other day and we spent about 45 minutes dragging Brandon, and then later on, we circled back around and dragged him some more. Like, everyone in that child’s life has real oppressive shit happening to them all day every day, and he’s over there like, “Piano camp is so hard! Life is so unfair.” SHUT UP, BRANDON. GET SOME GODDAMN PERSPECTIVE.

Hiiiii!!!! Ok so, I’m semi-kinda new to this lady-loving world and so then the first time I saw the term “fluid bonded” I immediately pictured a whole ceremony like with candles and some sort of officiant and maybe like flowers? Like there was a certificate that the parties signed and then hung up on the wall of their apt? And that is the image that has stuck with me forever. Love you all!!!

Heather: I’d come to that party you’re describing if you served little sandwiches there. I love parties with little sandwiches.

hey, howdy, hi! y’all I just wanted to let you know that I interacted with my crush in a comic book shop today and they talked to me about their fave comics (I literally know nothing, so I encouraged them to tell me everything and they DID) and we discussed the local female only comic book club, and a fun remix of a good Taylor Swift song was playing in the background, while I was holding eye contact with their bespectacled hazels. They told me I should join the club come January and (duh) I totally will. but, here’s the thing. I want to ask them to see Carol with me, but is that too intense? Either way, I had a truly magical 10 minutes (or 30 minutes, I really don’t know it felt like forever!!!) and I wanted to tell y’all because it was truly a dreamy real life sweet thing and I feel y’all would appreciate it. ***also trying to get them to go to a-camp!!!***

UPDATE (from comic book shop crush): So I went on a friend hang out date with this human this week where we had dinner and went to a movie (with other humans) and I am faaaaairly certain they are ace+probably wouldn’t be interested in the type of relationship I’ve dreamed about. BUT like, I think we’re definitely friends. So you know what, AS friends, this is still a total win. Love y’alls!
Heather: Wait, but did you see Carol?! You left out the part where you talk about Carol!

Riese: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I just watched E3 of You Do You and there was no Brittani Nichols in it. Not only that, I was unprepared for the comments where everyone is legit concerned about this straight couple (who it seems exist outside of YDY?) and no one else is asking where Parker is. WTF WHERE ARE THE PRIORITIES, PEOPLE?
Laneia: People are fucking disappointing, are they not?

Just tried a paleo/gluten free baked good because the cute coffee shop girl said they were good, but they were gross. Feeling very betrayed right now, but also like I should have seen this coming?? Please advise.
Rachel: We’ve all made this mistake at least once. You have to forgive yourself for making it and resolve to learn from it for next time, you know?

you guys I’ve been feeling really nostalgic about all my past loves and all my pants are too tight and I sort of want to cry a little and I know it’s just because I’m about to get my period so my hormones are being extra wonky, but it is still no bueno. So I’m telling you guys. :/
Laneia: Honey CRY. It’s your universe-given right to cry when you want to! Oh, have you tried watching PBS’s Nature: Animal Homes?? Reader, it is everything you could want in a show. I didn’t even know I needed to cry the other night until I watched the Anna’s Hummingbird build her nest and I sobbed like child lost inside Costco. You will not be disappointed in this (too short) series, I promise. Guess what my next tattoo is? This fucking hummingbird in a nest, that’s what.

I posted something about second family on facebook for Thanksgiving and other people immediately assumed it was them i was talking about but OBVS IT WAS YOU GUYS!!!! Didn’t hesitate to correct them. Is that rude? NOPE. NOPE CAT
Laneia: Ugh I fucking love you.

Heather: Me too! I love you too!

YOU GUYS I have a cold and it sucks so many asses. I really really hope you guys don’t have/get colds this season. GOOD LUCK.
Laneia: Megan thought she had a cold but thank goodness it was a sinus infection because I CAN’T GET SICK THIS YEAR. I’m going home to Tennessee for Christmas for the first time in like a decade and if I’m sick I’m gonna be real, real unhappy about it. I hope you get better soon!

Heather: Did you know Airborne makes chewable tablets (“with a blast of Vitamin C”) and they taste just like Flintstone Vitamins from when we were kids? Feel better, friend. Sleep a lot!

so it’s like my second time drinking kombucha and I don’t really remember what it was like the first time, and this one is, like, lightly carbonated? Sort of? Is that normal????? HELP
Rachel: Yes, it’s totally normal! It’s weird actually if the first time wasn’t carbonated? It’s really adorable that this was where you went instead of Googling, I love you

i sometimes take for granted this beautiful site full of the queerest of queer things and then sometimes i don’t – thank you

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION

oh god you know what would just be the best is if you guys shared your favorite comments from readers! it never occurred to me that you guys probably have those until Rachel mentioned it in the insider and now im so curious.

Riese: Honestly, I’m a sucker for when people quote me and tell me that I’m SO funny or just described EXACTLY how they’ve felt their entire lives but nobody has articulated it until I came along and rocked their world. I love jokes. I love people who acknowledge the incredible amount of work that went into a post. Sometimes we’ll publish something that might not be inspiring any conversation, but it’s very clear that that something is something that took a lot of time and energy and deep thought, and the commenters who take a moment just to acknowledge that are very sweet.

Laneia: I can’t pinpoint one specific comment because honestly there have been SO MANY. Your comments are the reason I keep writing, you know? That proof that someone is reading and that they get it, somehow. I love comments on my AAAs because usually that’s a chill space where people can take little bites and join the conversation and not feel like they necessarily have to be prolific or fully knowledgable of X thing, you know? It feels really conducive to random comments and conversations, and I like that we can still have space for that on this here internet ship. Oh you know what’s actually my favorite comment? The first one left on someone else’s post, especially when it’s a deeply personal piece, or when I know the author put so much research and time into it. That’s my favorite comment.

Heather: This entire thread and when people tell me their deep feelings about television or that I cried and they cried and we all felt better.

Rachel: There are so many answers to this and I’m gonna give myself a migraine if I try to answer it comprehensively so I will just share this: a few months when we ran the commenting campaign for a week and mentioned that y’all have to tell us when you like certain content or else we won’t know to keep running it. And all these comments started popping up that said things like “this one is my favorite column! i love it even if i don’t always comment!” and “i really enjoy this and read it every week!” and it was so great! And you kept it up after the commenting week was over! It’s just so sweet and you listened to us about what was helpful to comment and I just want to buy you all a bagel.

Riese: Oh yeah! What Rachel said too! Also ever since that time I published the Business of Art fix really late ’cause I was feeling disheartened, people have started commenting more on those fixes and it really motivates me and also clues me in to what you’re into.

You lovely humans, I didn’t know about Autostraddle Weekly until reading the ‘Some Answers….#3’ so I signed up immediately and what a wonderful surprise it was in my inbox today! Is there a way to read #1 and #2 so have they floated away on the gentle breeze of time? Anyway I don’t know how you do it all and I’m so grateful you do so thank you to all of you
Laneia: Yay I’m so glad you signed up! I unlocked the archives for a limited time so y’all could catch up on all the newsletter scuttlebutt: Autostraddle’s Tinyletter Archive.

Hi, I’m wondering if you guys have forgotten about the OITNB episode 313 recap. No worries, of course, if it’s just taking a while, but there was a steady flow and then it seemed to stop at 312 so it seemed like maybe an oversight? Thanks, Rayna

Heather: Well, this is the most embarrassing this that has ever happened to me (just kidding, one time my fourth grade bus driver dressed like a vampire for Halloween and I ran from the bus screaming for my sister to get off because we were all going to die because it was a trick, it was a trick, Dracula had eaten our real bus driver), but I just forgot to post that recap. I’ll do that really soon. Please forgive me. I am very ashamed.

hey lovelies! my apologies if this already exists, but I was wondering if y’all have any pieces/advice/resources that could help a queer elementary school teacher create a safe space in her classroom. I’ve worked mostly with teens in the past but have found dealing with younger children particularly difficult when it comes to fostering those queer spaces–and I’d love to know if there is anything/anyone out there that knows how to navigate their queer identity in these spaces.
Laneia: You are in so much luck! Look what Rachel put together for you just a couple of months ago: 10 Ways Educators Can Make Schools Safer for LGBTQ Youth. You’re about to feel so inspired and enthusiastic.

Whatever happened to the girl who was doing the column on joining the army? Is she okay? I worry about her sometimes.
Laneia: Hey! I’ve reached out to this writer and will let you know when they reply! I think about them a lot, too.

I NEED ADVICE

i KNOW that this must have happened to some of y’all at some point because….lesbians. so have you got any advice on what to do when you get a new housemate in your house-share. and she is cute and she is gay. and then one day you are making out and the next day (give or take) she is your girlfriend. and you…already live together. like, how do you negotiate that? should one of us move out? should we just roll with it? (we’ve been together a couple of months and so far it is SO FUN and THE BEST and SO CONVENIENT, but like…how long until…that’s just…not the case? yknow?!
Riese: Oh man this happened to two of my friends like a decade ago, and I think what they did is first they stopped being friends with me (because I’d been hooking up with both of them which was not healthy for their relationship), then they got super into cocaine, and then they fought a lot, sometimes on the roof of their building, and then they started having problems so they became my friend again, and invited me and Haviland over and sort of fought with each other while we were there? It was the first time I met Haviland. We didn’t become friends that night, though. And then they broke up, and then maybe got back together, and there was a lot of drama. They shared a ROOM though, like a big room with a divider, but a room. At some point we all stopped doing so much coke. So, my advice would be… hm. It would be better if one of you moved out, but moving is hard! Maintain your own space. Don’t pay excessive attention to her comings and goings. I feel like this must happen all the time in college dorms, right? Somebody must know what to do here. Besides drugs.

Guys is it weird to interrupt people’s day to compliment them on their outfits, because there was this cute brown butch on the E train today in this grey waistcoat tailored suit/bomber jacket combo and I regret deeply not having the confidence to let her know how fine she was looking
Laneia: Oh damn that’s a tough one. I think it’s ok to interrupt someone’s day as long as they’re not wearing earbuds and you’re not weird about it. Like make it quick and then bounce. I always feel pretty awesome when someone interrupts my day to tell me they like my hair or whatever.

okay rolling in the deep came on shuffle and my for-real first thought at “we could have had it all” was about Myka and HG from W13
Rachel: I very genuinely LOL’d at this

Heather: I smell apples. :(

Sooooo… should I go live in Toronto, then?
Laneia: Have you asked the Magic 8 Ball? Do you have a coat?

Riese: If you don’t speak French and therefore can’t do Montreal but also can’t afford Vancouver then I think YES maybe move to Toronto. (I don’t know what I’m talking about)

In case you’re keeping track, the girl who I wasn’t sure was straight and only saw once or twice a month and wasn’t sure how to ask her out via email? Asked her out via FB and turns out she has a boo. In related news, I think boo means boyfriend (she used male pronouns) but one of my friends thinks that boo is and should only be used for very close friends. I pointed her to that creepy Samira Wiley article on here. What do you all think? What should be the usage of boo?
Heather: I like it when Cookie calls Anika “Boo Boo Kitty” on Empire.

I write fanfic and my gf is as desperate to read it as I am desperate for her to never read it but she keeps telling me I’m hiding stuff. I’m like, yes I am hiding stuff, hiding really embarrassing fanfic habits. I imagine you would advise me to just let her read it but that thought feels so horrible in my body it makes me want to hit the wall. Anyway, hope you’re have a lovely day.
Rachel: Wait I don’t understand why she needs to read it so bad? Like, the way this question is written, it seems like you’re upfront with your girlfriend about the basics of what’s going on, the writing of fanfic, and so her demand to read all of it seems over the top? What’s going to happen if she doesn’t get to read it? Will she literally die? I think you should tell her that “when I imagine you reading this the thought feels so horrible in my body it makes me want to hit the wall, why do you not care about that, are you aware that you are not going to literally die if you don’t get to read this?”

Laneia: Oh man, what? No. No that’s not nice. You have a right to write things that other people aren’t allowed to read. That’s like Fact #1 about being a person on earth.

Heather: I write fanfic too. It’s not an embarrassing habit! If you were learning to play the guitar by covering Beatles songs or Eagles songs and adding your own flair to them the better you got at playing, no one would think that’s embarrassing. But people try to make us feel weird about fan fiction because it’s a female-dominated space where women are doing it for themselves, working out sex stuff and gender stuff and friendship stuff and romance stuff and none of it is gender roles and none of it is monetizable and ha ha ha, fuck the patriarchy! I don’t let my girlfriend read my fanfic either.

“Jenny’s Wedding” is now on Netflix. Rory Gilmore (yay! yay! yay!) and Izzie Stevens (I have no words. To be polite). I remember the original AS review from a while back, but what I want to know is, let’s say I’m alone in my cat shaped pajama onsie, eating french toast on a lazy morning- Should I give it a try and watch it or NEVER EVER watch it??
Riese: You know, for a while I was thinking I could just go my entire life without watching “Better Than Chocolate,” which I’d heard was terrible, but it turns out that I couldn’t, so I think you should watch “Jenny’s Wedding,” if only to be able to have conversations with your peers regarding how terrible it is.

Hello Team. It’s been what two days since Thanksgiving? Still so thankful for every one of the staff, the people on this site and A Camp. My little heart can’t hold all the love I have for you guys.

MISC

Hello! First, I want to tell you all how much I love autostraddle. Whenever my sexist, super-straight job is getting me down, I type “auto” into my browser, Chrome brings me to this sexy queer paradise, and soon I’ve completely forgotten whatever condescending thing my coworker said. Thank you for all you do. You’re my superheros. So there’s this thing I’ve been thinking about for a couple years and I realized: Why not just ask? Would it be possible to post Lesbosexy Sunday earlier in the day? Like 8 or 9 am EST? I have this longstanding dream about waking up with my girlfriend and reading about sexy ladies together while we cuddle and talk about brunch, cats, etc. I truly believe that this would be the best moment of my week every week. Would that be possible?
Riese: Hello! I think this is a question for me because I am the human being who wakes up every Sunday morning, shuffles into the queue, and looks over and then publishes the NSFW Sunday that Carolyn writes. So what time it goes up often depends entirely on what time I wake up. I think if I’m not taking an internet-break on that particular Saturday I can totally check and see if it’s in the queue and publish it to go up the next morning, though!

SO. Are you guys going to do a lip sync video again? Can it be an autostraddle version of Hotline Bling? LOL
Riese: “Organize Christmas lip sync video” is definitely on my to-do list.

the weirdo bot comments you guys have been getting lately are hilarious. I’d like a best of list please. :p
Rachel: I think the interns started a tumblr about this once — I don’t think it’s been updated in three years but it’s still a gem

What if there was a plaid flannel safety blanket button on this site for every time I forgot and read the comments on other sites? And when it was clicked it delivered something like adorable photos and soothing quotes and cyber hugs?
Laneia: Oh my goddess, why are you such a fucking genius?

Do you guys get, like, really creepy male gazey “lesbian” porn blogs following you? Is this just my problem? Why is the internet so weird and grosss? whyyy
Heather: We really do need to get on that plaid flannel safety blanket button.

yet another thursday that i waited patiently all day for the friday open thread and then finally around 5 pm realized what day it is.
Heather: I hope when Friday really did arrive, and with it the FOT, it was everything you wanted it to be.

Do any of the editors at Autostraddle work at one of those standing desks? Just curious cause I imagine most of you all being a computer all day. Very concerned about possible back pain.
Rachel: Speaking strictly for myself, I tried rigging a standing desk situation with like a milk crate on top of my old desk and I just could not make it work. I do have a lot of back pain though, you’re not wrong about that.

Heather: I tried a standing desk and it made my carpal tunnel worse, for some reason. So now I’m back to a sitting desk and sleeping in my wrist braces.

Yvonne: Thank you for being concerned! I’m concerned for myself tbh. I also made my own makeshift standing desk with a box and it worked. I think I’ll bring it out whenever I’m feeling extra sedentary. I occasionally have back pain but that means I haven’t worked out in a couple days so I usually do yoga and that helps me so much.

Laneia: I finally bought myself a very comfortable desk chair that I can adjust and I use a footstool to keep my lower back all supported. My next step is getting a laptop stand so I can look UP instead of down, and a separate keyboard/mouse/trackpad situation. I should do more yoga. Oh and to answer your actual question, I have never used a standing desk but I think I would like it! I could do squats while I write the AAA. Or leg lifts! I love leg lifts.

omg you guys watched adventure time’s super gay miniseries stakes, right??
Heather: Mmm hmm.

hey riese, you have been right about a LOT of things but you have never been more right than your work from home advice (aka go to the gym every day). The gym is boring so I go swimming every day but you’re right! it makes a world of difference to do something active and away from the computer.
Riese: I am so glad that my advice has resonated with your soul and body! Also I’m so jealous that you like swimming (I don’t really) because that means you probably have lingering chlorine smell all day which’s the best reminder of a good workout ever.

I admire all y’alls work ethic so much! Can you share some strategies you have developed to run this behemoth website where you not only have to work many hours but be effective and focused in your work, like, all the time? Do you have a super optimum work space, or work in different locations during the day? Have scheduled snack breaks? Have a constant supply of snacks all day everyday? How do you navigate getting done “active” creative projects when you’re not feeling it vs. more mindless “passive” chore tasks? How do you work this into a healthy balanced lifestyle and maintain functioning relationships?! …asking for a friend

Rachel: I think that if all of us tried to answer this in this box a real way it would probably preclude a lot of the getting things done to which you refer — and also to be totally upfront we do not all of us succeed in being masters of efficiency all the time, like I have watched almost 3 seasons of Person of Interest this week and am really behind on my email because I’ve been trying to distract myself from the fact that I think some sort of seasonal depression situation is getting really real over here — but here’s a thing I wrote earlier this year about how to be a person who gets shit done!

Riese: I’m actually not very good at this. I’ve tried so many things and I think right now I’m just in a place where there are SO many things on my to-do list that maybe my inability to get everything done is not evident of a time management failure so much as it is an inadequate ratio of “tasks” to “time.” But lists are helpful, of course, and the most helpful thing is plotting out what you’re gonna get done each day a week in advance. But I will say the best way to get down to business is to have at least one day a week when you don’t do any business at all. My fiancé is very helpful in this department!

Heather: I recommend falling in love with someone who is also married to their career, and just like a lot of coffee. Also, these apps help me.

Yvonne: On Fridays, I try to leave my apartment and work at a coffee shop, which is just good for my creative flow and productivity when I’m in a different environment. Yes, coffee and snacks help a lot and also it super duper helps if my apartment is clean since I work from home. As for the last question, my girlfriend yells at me a lot for working too much. She even made a pie chart detailing my priorities which had Autostraddle at about 65 percent and food at about 20 percent and everything else was in the remainder 15 percent. I don’t actually think my priorities look like this but I mean it made me realize I should probably work more efficiently earlier in the day so I can put my computer down and spend time with her and my dog earlier in the evening.

Laneia: Blergh ok real talk, I struggle with this so much! I had to make some changes this year because I realized I never scheduled any downtime for myself, and I was starting to see how negatively that was affecting my entire situation. So my main priority after Getting Work Done On Time is now Stop Working at 8pm. Having that end goal has helped keep me more focused throughout the day, because I have the mentality that I have to stop, I can’t just keep dragging things out forever. I’ve also recently implemented a new organizational technique that was working really well until the holidays happened! I have the worst time getting my creative projects going and I wish I had advice for you (and me!) in that realm.

Rachel: I don’t have any more advice but I just had to pop back in and say that my jaw dropped when I read about Yvonne’s pie chart and I’m so grateful no one has ever done that for/to me because I think I would die

the zuckerbergs just named their daughter max! they also pledged a boatload of money to charity. i guess that’s cool too.
Riese: actuallyyyy… they pledged a boatload of money to their very own LLC, “The Chan Zuckerberg Initiative,” which aims to “advance human potential” and “promote equality.” So we’ve gotta wait on pins and needles to find out what, exactly, that looks like!

Today I was going to apologize to my girlfriend for being too needy but instead I thanked her for being so patient with me. Thanks, Yao Xiao!
Yao: Thank you so much for sharing this. It is exactly what I was thinking of when I was making the comic, thinking about the relationships I’ve had in my lives and how saying these things affect them. I used to say this a lot — ‘sorry I’m such a drag,’ ‘sorry I bother you so much.’ It comes from a good place, where I just want to say how happy I was to have these people in my life. And I think thanking them for what they have been doing really helped us all, because we are not all confident about what we can do for another person. I really loved it when some dear people in my life pointed it out for me, that I can do good things for others, too. It made me want to do it again and again.

Loving the gift guides! thank-you! thank-you! thank-you!!!!
Laneia: Loving you for loving them!!! I think gift guides are one of my favorite things because it reminds me of being a kid or teenager and just flipping through pages and pages in magazines and catalogs and dreaming of all the versions of me I could try on if I wanted to. Yay stuff!

Ali Liebert just tweeted that she wants to be in a Fried Green Tomatoes remake as Idgie with Tatiana Maslany as Ruth and ohmylord I am so ready for that
Rachel: My head basically revolved all the way around my body when I read that tweet, ohmigod

Heather: I won’t blink again until this happens.

I was in so much shock when I found out that there was a shooting in San Bernardino yesterday. It’s so sad and shocking because as we all know we go there for A camp. I’m so glad to know that the staff from Alpine Meadows are all accounted for.
Yvonne: Yes, it’s really sad. :( I’m also glad everyone is ok!

Megan Rapinoe tore her ACL practicing on an artificial turf field that was such a damn mess they eventually decided to CANCEL the game. US Soccer would have NEVER booked a turf field for a men’s international match. I am FURIOUS and can only yell on the internet.

Heather: I hope this is FINALLY the thing that caused fucking US Soccer to stop being such greedy, sexist assholes and get these women the practice facilities they deserve. I mean, this is a huge, horrible deal. Even the New York Times was like, “Okay, yeah, this is enough.”

I am writing to say how sorry I am to hear about the recent incidents of gun violence that happened in US. After I first read the news in a national newspaper (I am from India), my reaction was, “What’s wrong with the US folks that these kind of incidents keep occurring?” It’s callous, and not fair to you guys, but being on the other side of the globe, being far removed from your reality, that was my reaction. At the time, I only thought about the people who did the killing and the repercussions it can have on the Muslim Americans and how it might devolve US into less trust and more right-wing.
Then, I read the letters that quite a few folks sent to The New York Times about feeling unsafe through the day. Letters from teachers about how they plan out their reaction in case something like this occurs in their schools. Letters from grandmothers whose thoughts when they go to public places with their grandchildren should have been about the great time they are spending together, and was instead about how they would protect themselves and the kids if something like this happened. Letters from young folks travelling on the tube (subway for you, I think?) who said that they worried about this sort of violence at least once and teens who said they thought about it constantly.
That was eye opening. I cannot imagine living in such fear while doing the most mundane tasks in your life. And I cannot tell you how incredibly sorry I am that you should have to live with such fear in your lives.
Further, these incidents of gun violence also affect me personally.
Because as violence kept occurring in different parts of the world (Congo, Uganda, Nigeria, even Tibet not to mention parts of interior India and Middle East) due to clashes of ideologies, owing to folks who didn’t have the open-mindedness to resolve conflicts with debates rather than bombs and guns and the opportunists who were in it for the power and money, the West always seemed like a sane corner. Perhaps, because we Indians see more of the US culture than Europe or even the UK, West kind of meant the States for us (or may be me personally). And West used to mean faith in a sane world for me.
And now, I am reconsidering that faith. Every news of violence about African Americans that appear here in the news, every instance of these incidents of gun-violence makes me worry not just for the US, not just for you guys, but for the world.
Not because you guys are the leaders of this world and stand apart from the insanity of the world. But because you guys are part of the world and as such, a wound on you is a wound on us, a setback to us. It’s similar to having this healthy part of the body that you feel safe about despite the fact that there are scratches and burns in a lot of other places, and suddenly you realise that that part is not so healthy after all.
It’s sad. And I am sorry to feel that way.
Personally, and rather selfishly, I hope that you guys and the folks you love and make your world worth living will all stay safe and find a way to navigate this fear.
And, generally, I hope the United States itself will find a way to deal with this issue as fast as possible. That the concerned citizens, media and the politicians (those with enough self-respect) will work together to find a solution.
So that you do not have to live in this environment of fear. And so that, we will continue to have a sane corner of the world that can spread sanity outward.
So, that one day we may all have a world where we worry about natural disasters rather than man-made violence.
–Love Aparna

Yvonne: Thanks for your empathy and concern, Aparna! I’m very concerned about the U.S. too. For sure the U.S. is a fucked up country with ingrained systemic racism and fucked up laws which hurt our most vulnerable citizens, which all contributes to the manifestation of these horrible acts of violence you’re talking about. I wouldn’t hold the U.S. on a pedestal to spread sanity to the rest of the world because at the moment we’re the worst example, I feel. But I think you’re right that the repercussions in our country can be felt in other countries and the U.S. should work on fixing these problems asap. I also hope that concerned citizens and politicians can work together to find a solution to these very deep-seated problems. Thanks for your words.

Riese, you answered my You Need Help question a little while ago and it was so good and helpful and thank you. Thank you also to all the lovely commenters for their lovely words
Riese: Thank you for thanking me and I’m so glad to have helped! I hope if you live in a wintery area that you have some really nice boots to wear, and if you don’t, that you still have some good shoes that you enjoy that feel nice on your feet, even if it’s just some good socks.

Reading diary of a SAD girl is like looking into a mirror. I’ve been dealing with SAD for the past several winters, but this one has been the worst so far in terms of anxiety, depression, and lethargy. I’m trying out some new strategies though and Heather’s column is really helpful. Thank you.

Heather: I love you, friend. I’m sorry you have to fight SAD too, but so glad that we have a space here to learn how to battle it better together. All my warmest thoughts to you.

A thank you note- my wife was telling me about the people she games with online and how they are doing. One is working through gender issues and had tried binding but stopped when their family asked about it as they were not ready to talk about it. I told my wife, there’s an Autostraddle article for that! She found the article and was going to pass it along to her friend. So thanks Autostraddle for being awesome!
Yvonne: I’m glad you found the article and passed it along! Here’s the link, just in case y’all were wondering.

THE BOB’S BURGERS GRAPHIC IS EVERYTHING I NEEDED IN MY LIFE AND NOW IT IS IN MY LIFE. THANK YOU.
Rachel:  *tips hat*

This thanksgiving (and all the time, duh) I’m thankful for ALL OF YOU!!

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