Artwork by Viv Le
Welcome to Anonymous Job Confessions where writers peel back the curtain from their day jobs. This is a space for talking about bad (or misguided) bosses, cringeworthy clients or customers, out of touch board members and more. We’re speaking on work crushes, failure, pettiness, success against all odds (and also redefining success because we’re queer and we can do that), doing something not because you are passionate about it but because groceries don’t buy themselves and all things surviving in late-stage capitalism. Honestly, if there’s a perfect thing to read when you’re on your break, this might be it.
I graduated college with nothing lined up. I relentlessly and continuously applied to jobs three months before graduation, but I kept getting rejected or ghosted. Two months post-graduation, I lost all hope in our job market. I was desperate. I felt like a failure because I spent years in college with nothing to show for it. One day on Indeed, I came across a job posting for work as an educator for youth at a non-profit organization.
The day I went into the office for my interview, they hired me on the spot. Sure, it was a little suspicious that a decision was made that quick, but I really, really, really wanted to work.
Before I go any further, I would like to mention that the work itself felt rewarding. I built genuine bonds with the pre-teens I worked with — I keep every drawing and note I’ve ever received from them in a storage box and look back fondly. The day I was told that one of my kids went up multiple reading levels because of our sessions together, I felt a sense of pride I’d never experienced before. On the last day, I hugged my kids and went back home in tears. These things made it incredibly hard to leave, but I did.
I started grad school recently, and I simply needed a job that would better accommodate my school hours. I also needed to get the fuck out because of the toxic work environment.
One of my old co-workers, and the only co-worker I ever shared a deep bond with, always joked that we should come in “expecting the unexpected”. Our boss (let’s call him Lonnie) never offered us any consistency and created a disorganized workspace. One day we’re supposed to do this with the kids, another day we’re supposed to do that. The other educators and I would be thrown into virtual meetings with other schools the organization serves, unprepared and confused because Lonnie wouldn’t give us any information prior. I once had to have a meeting with Lonnie in the main office about a mental health project, and he never showed up after I waited for an hour. He promised he’d one day have all these supplies for us and had us create Amazon wishlists. If any of us weren’t done with the wishlists by a specific date, we’d have to miss a day of work. We never actually got the supplies we needed.
With the other educators, we complained to the “Head Educator” about it. This led to a futile meeting with Lonnie. He kept gaslighting us and said that’s just how it is working for a school, we just need to better adapt. He questioned whether or not we were actually capable of doing our jobs.
The Head Educator mysteriously left the job a month after I started. She never said anything to us, and Lonnie kept his mouth shut. Without the Head Tutor, there was even more confusion and lack of direction. To this day, I do not know what happened.
There were kids in the program who explored their gender identities and identified as either trans or nonbinary. Lonnie and a lot of the other men at my male-dominated workspace made constant jokes about it and made comments I don’t even want to describe. During summer, we had a strict dress code and our shorts couldn’t be too short. Men would come into work with the shortest shorts and wouldn’t get reprimanded for it. A woman once came to work in regular shorts and was told she couldn’t continue working until she came back with the “appropriate attire”. Once, while I was helping out in the organization’s weekly food drive, Lonnie boasted about all the “hoes” he talked to and slept with.
The co-worker I was close to (let’s call her “Cee”) was sexually harassed by Lonnie. Cee showed me an audio recording she secretly took when she was alone with him. Lonnie told her he wanted her to bounce on his dick and said he could find places for them to fuck when she was “finally ready to give it up”. Cee was too scared to take it to HR, and I knew it wasn’t my place to say anything, but I did make sure to be protective of her as much as I could be.
Cee and I knew we had to quit after summer. We deserved better, and being in that environment took a toll on us. Going to work became more difficult as each day passed. I went right back to where I started — relentlessly and continuously applying to jobs.
I nearly screamed from joy when I got an email saying I was hired for another position somewhere else. A massive weight left my shoulders, and the air I breathed felt clearer. I’m free.
I sent an email to Lonnie because I got hired while the program was on break. I followed the standard script of quitting any job:
“I am grateful for the experience…”
“I will fill out any resignation forms accordingly…”
Lonnie never responded. I knew he read the message because he was always a quick responder. I also know because Cee told me that Lonnie called her asking if she knew anybody looking for a job (Cee quit not long after me).
Ignoring me and showing that he didn’t care was his last power move. But who cares? I never have to see his face again.
I’m glad you both got out ! But the effects remain.