Letter From Your Editors

Hello weirdos,

We have gathered here today to say goodbye to 2021 but also to Sarah Sarwar, because today is her last day as our Art Director / Marketing Director.

Sarah At Work // 2016 – 2021

Sarah started at Autostraddle in the summer of 2016, filling the very large shoes of Alex Vega, Autostraddle’s co-founder, who’d inhabited the unorthodox hybrid role of Design Director and Marketing Director. Sarah and I (Riese) both lived in Michigan then. That was part of the idea — to find someone who I could work with in person, although the first time she came over for a work day I was collapsed on the stairwell sobbing because I’d just found out my then-partner was cheating on me and we spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out where to dump my recycling but anyhow, we also did work!!!

We had our annual “Senior Staff Shakedown” that July, when all the full-time employees converged in my home for a week to wreak havoc on the indoor plumbing, bond over mid-00s lesbian media and to plan our content and vision for the year.

There’s a video of Sarah from that Shakedown that Rachel took on her phone — Sarah’s in my kitchen, smashing a shallow layer of blue-green goop pooled at the bottom of a two-quart mason jar with the wrong end of a wooden spoon. Rachel’s filming and narrating the contents of the jar. She identifies mint leaves, sugar and lime juice. Sarah and Rachel agree that a watermelon puree will eventually be added.

“I am fucking delighted,” Rachel says, with authority. “That sounds great.”

“I’m excited to share it with you,” Sarah says, tentatively. And then: “I think I’ve broken up some of the membranes, but not all of them?”

Heather scream-laughs off-camera: “MEMBRANES?”

“I think that’s what google told me,” Sarah peers into the jar, comes back up, and tells Rachel that I’d texted her the night before to ask if she could make cocktails. Rachel recalls that we had, in fact, discussed the night previous that Alex used to make cocktails at Shakedown, and wondered who will make the cocktails now? And that I had said we should see if Sarah can make cocktails.

“I thought she was joking,” Rachel laugh-talks, “and I didn’t realize she’d been telling you that like, by the way, this is a personality characteristic that Alex used to have, can you also do this?”

“I’m making it happen,” Sarah attests, and now everybody is laughing — you can hear Heather and Yvonne and Laneia laughing too — and Sarah’s resting her forehead on the spoon, and Rachel is imitating me asking Sarah to make cocktails because Alex made cocktails: “Like can you just take on aspects of this old co-worker we used to have?”

And Sarah, determined, mashing up the membranes to the beat of her own drummer, is simply like, “I’m gonna try. I’m trying my best.”

She’s humble, though. The drinks were fucking amazing. And it was not the first or the last time Sarah simply tried her best and the end result was beautiful and sweet and very good for the team, overall.

We were all a little intimidated by Sarah at first because she was so talented and so cool and so brilliant and so seemingly comfortable right away, like she knew something we didn’t, which maybe she did, or maybe she was nervous and just pretending. She’d left a much better-paying job for us, for something that felt better to her soul. We sent her to A-Camp before her start date so she could meet everyone and just to get the vibe and everybody really loved her vibe. She was on a trail towards uncharted territory, taking on a role we’d created out of thin air, learning the ad sales side of her job as she went along, building relationships with confidence and making everything look really fucking good, too.

That first Shakedown in 2016 was when I read Sarah’s legendary adolescent Catherine Zeta-Jones erotica aloud to the group. “Sarah Sarwar Erotica is literally my all-time favorite literary category now,” Heather said afterwards, and it was true. Who was this absurd human being? After Shakedown we weren’t intimidated anymore because that’s when we really all came to understand that Sarah was a massive dork, just in a really effective disguise. She’d been trolling lesbian fan-fic forums and creating Spashley livejournal icons since she was a teenager, maybe more ready for this job than she even knew at the time. She fit right in.

We road-tripped to Wisconsin twice that fall to scope out a new camp location, which was the first time Sarah did the thing she always does which is become best friends with every important stranger right away, like every Beber Camp employee. She was talking about Trudy before anybody was talking about Trudy, she was investigating whether or not this one employee with short hair was maybe possibly bisexual or not. That November, in Ixtapa with Olivia Travel, she knew every Olivia team member and Club Med hospitality staff member by day three. She just always seemed delighted by people, and she could spread that delight around really well.

Sarah’s visual and financial impact on the website is vast and literally easy to see from the outside although it often goes unsung. Her intelligence and talent and endless vision elevated our design on every level, adding to the illusion that we were way more professional and funded than we actually were. She conceptualized and project managed four A-Camps, building mood boards into camp-wide cohesive themes, something we’d never really considered doing before she suggested it. Five years of t-shirts and pins and hats and four fundraisers and ten special issues and hundreds of posts and so many theme weeks. Custom graphics for dozens of ad campaigns, for social media, for everything. So many late nights — pounding out RFPs for clients who thought they were working with an entire ad sales department but definitely were not, rolling out new pages and features, planning a star-studded Gentleman Jack reading a month before A-Camp, the endless but rewarding slog of the epic Autostraddle Yearbook, making sure we had the optimal screencap for every Moon/Sun/Rising sign of every L Word character to ever exist.

Somehow even when it was stressful it was also fun, because Sarah really loves fun, and is dedicated to making sure that every single person she loves or believes in is part of the fun that she’s having. Did you know that fun remains an option, that something shinier and lighter is there for the taking? Did you know this Air BnB we got for this Shakedown has a hot tub? Have you considered, instead of being angry and writing an angry email to the company that owes us money, simply sending them a quick home video of Sarah dancing to “Bitch Better Have My Money”? Do you remember that joke Heather made in her Pretty Little Liars recap seven years ago that could possibly make you laugh today? Sarah knows, Sarah remembers. She’s got a tireless dedication to the bit, to bringing people together, to diffusing awkwardness to find common ground. On an internet and in a community that thrives on taking itself too seriously, she’s able to parse out what matters and what doesn’t and find genuine joy in laughing at herself and it all.

She’s been our #1 cheerleader, your always-reliable hype man and a very supportive brainstormer. She’s always looking for how to help the team succeed and shine and be as happy about who we are as she is for us. She possesses a very rare mix of confidence and vulnerability, which makes you trust her with all of your ideas, even the stupid or scary or silly ones but especially the perfect ones.

That has often been her work — to take all the crazy ideas and disorganized feelings of this disparate group of wordy weirdos and package them to be as beautiful as possible so everybody will know how important they are. When we did theme issues she’d take entire days to pour over every essay, scheming with determination to create the perfect image for every one. The sheer volume of visual work she has taken on for this website is breathtaking. The meandering lines of memory and defiant pop-pastels of the Bad Behavior issue, the bold outer-space-dreaminess of the Fall 2021 fundraiser, the cheeky neon of the Tops/Bottoms series, the maraschino red nostalgia of the Birthday Issue’s sweet scattered collages, the bright punchy present emerging from a crowded past for APIA Heritage Month in 2020. She’s never done anything halfway.

She defied all odds when she took over Instagram — which she did not because she had to or was asked to but because she simply wanted it to be better — turning it into a genuine traffic driver instead of the directionless brand-builder most media companies have resigned to it being. Like Alex, she somehow became the go-to between our tech team and editorial, learning code, setting up ad networks and implementing more user-friendly design. She spearheaded and managed multi-faceted campaigns for Disobedience, Gentleman Jack, The L Word Generation Q, Tin House, REI, Batwoman and more. She’s sought out a massive and diverse group of designers and illustrators to lend their talents to everything from merchandise design to A-Camp flags to in-article art.

We really don’t know what it will be like to not have her here. I think some things are so weird and huge that you don’t know what they’ll feel like until you’re inside them. Sarah has been an inexorable element of this company’s legacy and given so much to this community. It’s easy to remember the names of the writers and editors here because we are always shouting them from the rooftops, but I hope you remember hers, too.

We’ll be welcoming our new Brand Partnerships Director to the team in mid-January, and our next steps for Art Director are TBD — because of holiday vacation schedules, we’re still looking through applications which means there’s also still time for you to apply! (We’re especially interested in QTPOC applicants!)

In the meantime, enjoy this month’s Insider which includes its typical bits and a tribute to the intrepid Sarah Starwars and all she’s given us over the past 5 years!!

Love,

Riese

Carmen / Kayla / Heather / Laneia / Nicole

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From November 2021

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. Does Demi Moore Have a Girlfriend: An Investigation, by Riese
2. I’ve Been Thinking About The Way Tessa Thompson Looks at Ruth Negga in “Passing” A Lot, by Carmen
3. Quiz: What Fanfiction Trope Are You?, by Kayla
4. Well, That Was Fast! Kristen Stewart Is Engaged!, by Kayla
5. Pop Culture Fix: Sweet Sapphic Santa, There’s TWO New Lesbian Christmas Movies This Year!, by Heather
6. November 2021: What’s New and Gay on Netflix, Paramount, Showtime, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, HBO Max and More!, by Riese
7. JoJo Siwa Didn’t Win DWTS, But She Remains the Housedyke’s Favorite, by Sally
8. Halle Berry’s “Bruised” Is a Bloodied Mess (But at Least It’s a Gay Mess), by Carmen
9. “Tampa Baes” is Thin, White and Colorist — But I Knew That Already, by Shelli
10. Elliot Page Movies Ranked By Transness, by Drew

Sarah makes us a lot of templates

It’s true

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations with Sarah

Laneia: HI SORRY i’m here and i can be on a call!
Riese: hello i’m here also
Sarah: i am here too
well i have to pee
but then i’m here
Laneia: GET IT TOGETHER
jklu
Sarah: W O W
okay here ready
Laneia: same!
Sarah: i’m a million different people from one day to the next
i
can
change
my mold
oh no no no noooooo
BUT I’M HERE IN MY MOLD YES I’M HERE IN MY MOLD

Kamala: i’m trying to think of new questions [for Lesbian Visibility Day] that are related
Riese: me too
this is hard!
Sarah: what is your favorite lesbian and why
Riese: what if we asked about like what books/music/movies
Sarah: how lesbian are you on a scale of 1-10
Riese: like what’s your lesbian canon
Kamala: ohhhhh that’s a fun question
Sarah: i like favorite lesbian movies/books/music
Riese: like what you consider your Essential Lesbian Reading / Watching / Listening
Kamala: i do think we’d maybe also need to address what you think is missing and would like to see more of
like what more visibility are we seeking
Riese: yes totally
wow, good thing we are geniuses
Kamala: do we want to ask individual peeps since this is fast turn around, in addition to making it a general request?
Riese: yeah tell me more about that idea
Kamala: well, i don’t really know who identifies as a lesbian, but we could at least make sure that the people who contributed last time and still work here can give us a little blurb
Sarah: i don’t care about this at all except i would like to request hot pictures of the lesbians involved for a feature
Riese: !!! okay
could you make me a template or send a template we used for something else
Sarah: you mean for quote graphics?
Riese: i don’t know what i mean actually
Kamala: hahahahaha
Sarah: i feel like… let’s just do a grid of hot babes instead of quote graphics
they are so 2018
lolol
Riese: you’re so 2018
Sarah: you’re so 2000 and late
Riese: fair
Kamala: wow this burn fest
Riese: It’s sizzlin

Rachel: here, queer
Riese: here, questioning
Sarah: here
(not gay)
Laneia: wow
sarah’s just an ally
Carmen: oh I didn’t realize it was quite so close to 2pm
I’m here! I can be here!
Sarah: i just think love is love
Riese: love is like
Heather: here sorry!
Sarah: true how can gay ppl really be in love

Laneia: “the bold type” is inspiring me to make my desk look fancier and put clothes on
Sarah: i am usually not wearing pants during the day but my underwear have the personality of shorts right guys
Rachel: your underwear really does
Sarah: thank you! also it seems daunting when someone calls me (my gf) and says “let’s go get lunch together” i’m very concerned about how far away the pants part of my closet is
and how i have to put them on

Sarah: guys i have wanted to tell you this for a really long time
Riese: here we go
Sarah: and i just got the courage to tell you that
i am here today because i am a poly bengali just call me svengali
i’m a little bit naughty and a lot of bit salty
Laneia: oh wow
Riese: yep
big day for sarah
Laneia: i did not see this coming
Riese: who did, really
Laneia: are we all dead?
i’ll text my mom
Riese: please do
thanks for your support everybody
Sarah: thanks guys i feel seen in this safe space
the intersectionality of my identities have always been a muddle of dark matter and now they have begun to weave a more intricate, colorful pattern, working as a patchwork of loving, supportive, truth filled fiberoptics that glisten with promise and joy.
Laneia: oh so we’re in the bad place
Sarah: Riese told me that if i don’t do work she will stab me
so if you guys hear about a poly bengali being found in a trash can stabbed in the heart you know who did it
Riese: i did NOT tell her i would stab her
i was just holding a knife when i said what i said
it was a coincidence
Laneia: could happen to anyone

Sarah: Hello I am dead in the water
(dead in my bathtub)
Can’t wait to do some raucous Friday activities like — buy a toothbrush bc my luggage is in Miami, make tarot graphics for Monday’s column, and sign up for health insurance
Missed you allllll
Everything Riese said was true
Laneia: Hello I am dead in the water
(dead in my bathtub)
Everything Riese said was true
-Sarah Sarwar, Impressions in Spring (2019)

Laneia: guys do you think i’ll ever have sex in a penthouse with floor to ceiling windows and a view
like while i’m still young enough to be bendy
Sarah: if you fuck helena peabody definitely yes
I believe in you Laneia
Laneia: gonna hold that in my heart

Heather: i am trying to get one more post on the schedule for camp week to get done this weekend
would y’all read The Feminist Origins of Your 5 Favorite Summertime Beers
Laneia: um
i would cancel my weekend plans to read that
Heather: amazing! it shall be!
Sarah: i want that
and like sultry pics of wet hops
With naked women laying and swimming in them
The most feminist beer is beer brewed with naked women
Heather: hahahaha sarah

Sarah: can we take 5 or 6 minutes to discuss the perfection of kat edisons eyebrows
Laneia: i mean i’ve got all night

Riese: HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT
WE ARE GONNA HAVE A MEET-UP ON FRIDAY NIGHT OF SHAKEDOWN AT THE AUT BAR
in Ann Arbor
Laneia: THE LEGENDARY AUT BAR ??!
What do I wear what’s the style
Riese: Yes! The legendary Aut Bar
Sarah: Do you want to blend in with the locals Laneia?
Because then you need like a hemp necklace and a skirt made out of an old canvas flour bag or something
Otherwise probably just wear your normal you clothes because those are phenomenal
Laneia: Ok in that case I feel like my normal me clothes might not be too super far off from the locals, so I’m pretty psyched.
I’ve probably never been so prepared for a meetup

Sarah: I’m in my wig on my front porch in the scissoring tank top
Like taking selfies
Riese: this is going to be a thing of beauty
Sarah: THIS IS MY JOB
Riese: YUP

High-Key Thrilled That Only 10% of You Are Harpers.

Obviously the rest of you are a tug-of-war between the two most homosexual characters in this movie WHO SHOULD HAVE ENDED UP TOGETHER.

Infographic by Sarah Sarwar from the quiz “Which Happiest Season Character Are You?”

What We’ve Been Reading

Ro: Emma Goldman: Revolution as a Way of Life by Vivian Gornick

Abeni: The Hunting Party by Lucy Foley

Casey: Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake by Alexis Hall and Yerba Buena by Nina LaCour

Heather: The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri

Carmen: The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw (I’ve heard it’s gay!)

Kayla: Needful Things by Stephen King

Sally: The Year I Stopped Trying by Katie Heaney

Drew: La Batarde by Violette Leduc

Riese: On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, by Ocean Vuong

Amari: All That She Carried: The Journey of Ashley’s Sack, a Black Family Keepsake by Tiya Miles

Nicole: Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder

Sarah Sarwar Retro-Graphicing

An assortment of some of the many really fantastic designs Sarah has designed for all of us here at this website. The girl with the super-soaker is from a post about squirting, JSYK. 

Ryan Yates Retro-Reading

We are also saying goodbye to Ryan Yates this month, who has been writing for us here longer than anybody else in the universe except me (Riese) and Laneia!!!! Here are some of the many smash hits of their storied career throughout which they have published over one thousand posts on sex, literature, queer history, cooking, polyamory, fisting, weddings and so much more.

via Queer in the Stacks (2017)

Being Kinky Doesn’t Make You Queer (2017) – I remember being so excited about them writing this because the argument around it was SO ANNOYING and they just like shut the whole damn thing down so well!!!

15 Ladies Who Were Writing Sexy Lesbian Love Letters Before You Got Born, by Ryan (2014) – Curation is an underrated art, and this is one of many examples of how good Ryan is at it.

You Need Help: You Think You’re Bad At Sex (2014) – Ryan saved many lives on this day with this post with advice that is gentle but also realistic and compassionate and esteem-boosting for someone in a really bad relationship!

Is Period Sex the Ultimate Lesbian Sexual Intercourse? (2016) – This is important science! They were so thrilled to uncover this fact and I think about it at least once a week.

You Need Help: Two Bottoms, One Relationship (2015) Just a moment for the perfection of this headline

Bondage 101: How to Tie Someone Up (2013) – What delights me about this post is that it is at this point undoubtedly had a legitimate cultural impact because it has been consistently in our Top 20 most popular posts since its initial publication in 2013. It is a timeless classic, as millions of well-tied-up- people can certainly attest.

Why Lesbian Shower Sex Is Like Dante’s Inferno (2018) – This is such an honest journey!

Why We Can’t Get Coffee: The Guide for People Who Love People Who Work From Home (2012) – A deep cut from when this was still a difficult concept for others to understand.

How I Survived My First Thanksgiving as an Out Vegan Lesbian (2010) – WERE WE EVER SO YOUNG!?! “A classic, if only to us” – Laneia

What We’ve Been Watching

Ro: Her Smell

Heather: Raya and the Last Dragon

Carmen: The Preacher’s Wife

Kayla: The Matrix and The Matrix Reloaded

Drew: The Matrix and The Matrix Reloaded

Riese: The Greatest Showman

Nicole: Sunset Boulevard

Graphic Design Is Our Passion: A Tribute

We imagined a world where the team is left to their own graphic design devices. The following is the result, a tribute, by way of comparison, to the impact Sarah’s work has had on our hearts and our eyeballs.

Sarah made this great invite to a fun party that I just now realized has the wrong year on it

AND THEN SARAH GOT TO LIVE HER DREAM

In 2011, Sarah left a comment on this post by Intern Grace called “Listling Without Commentary: Real L World Recap Images Riese Asked Her Intern to Create This Season” and then look by 2016 she was making watermelon cocktails!

Keep On Keeping On

Laneia: i also vote dots!! i am furious that i missed this convo!!!
Sarah: lucky for you dots has won!
i’m just an old bitch who loves lines i guess
lines of all kinds
JK i’ve barely ever done cocaine
Laneia: sarah what if you had a night set aside with you and a pen and a ruler
diy lines
also this mug is HOT
this website is HOT
those spinning pyramids HOT HOT HOT
Heather: sarah i can’t imagine what you’d be like on cocaine, like some kind of super sense that someone 50 miles away wasn’t having a good time and an irrepressible urge and energy to go throw them a party!
Sarah: LOL!
heather, do we need to sidebar about life is strange?
your thoughts about me on cocaine just reminds me of the empathy of the game
laneia, thank you for your exclamations of heated joy!
i will keep on keeping on. LET’S BUILD THOSE FUTURES EVERYONE!

Sarah jumping, 2016 – 2020

XOXO

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