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Q:


I’ve been seeing a therapist on Talkspace for a year, and I don’t know if it’s… working for me? I like my therapist as a person — she’s super queer, open-minded, not fatphobic/diet-y and real down to earth. But sometimes I feel like even after I talk to her I’m not getting a lot out of it. Like, she’s good to vent to, and is a good listener, but I don’t feel like I’m getting real grounded, check-yo’ self advice from her as much as I’d like. I have BPD and am also recovering from an eating disorder, and I have a separate food therapist who is incredible and I get heaps from every session, even though I talk to her less frequently.

So… what should I do? Should I talk to my therapist about my concerns? What kinda things is it okay to expect from therapy? Should I switch therapists?

A:

First, let’s a take a second to appreciate how you’re taking care yourself! You set yourself up with a thorough support system, and you’re thinking critically about how that system can best serve your needs.

You already resonate with your Talkspace therapist’s values. Before you seek out a different therapist, talk to your current therapist about your need for more direct advice. You’re a team. It’s your therapist’s job to give you the support you’re paying for, and communicating your expectations is an integral part of the process.

If you open up to your current therapist and still don’t receive the kind of feedback you’re craving, your communication styles might not be a good match. That’s when it’s time to try a new therapist. The great news is that Talkspace saves your chat transcripts with your previous therapist, so you don’t have to rehash your whole life story with someone new.

But before you move forward with more text-based therapy, ask yourself: was it my therapist who wasn’t right for me, or was it Talkspace? I’m assuming that the food therapist you mentioned is someone you see irl. If you get more out of those sessions, in-person therapy might be more productive for you overall. Is there a way you can see your food therapist more frequently? If not, seek out a second therapist who offers in-person sessions and shares your food therapist’s style. If money is a barrier, search for slilding scale therapists in your area. Sometimes you can see a student for a much lower cost per session, and many group therapy options are sliding scale or free.

While you’re moving towards better support from professionals, put extra emphasis on the ways you’re taking care of yourself. Maybe spend some extra time journaling, meditate a little longer, spend more time outside — whatever gives you release and structure. Remind yourself that you’re doing a great job using the tools that are available to you and assessing how they serve you. It takes time to build the right support system, and you’re definitely on your way!

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.