We talk a lot about cats on this website, which is fine, they’re like white noise machines and take pleasure in scaring their owners by gifting them dead animals, but everyone knows dogs are the only pure things on earth. My life is especially reflective of this verified fact. The only times I’ve openly wept on a plane was during an in-flight screening of Marley and Me and another time when I was listening to a podcast about service dogs. I’ve forgotten coworkers names who I worked with last year but I can tell you the name of a dog that was a regular at a coffee shop I frequented over five years ago.
Her name was Zoe, by the way, and she exists in a special part of my brain along with the rest of the dogs I’ve come to know through dog walking, dog sitting, working at a dog boarding facility, and in general being a person whose days-long stints of silence have been broken by a dog in public.
Look, you clicked on this. You know why you’re here. You’re here to read about dogs I’ve known and loved, who you can now also know and love. Relax, it’s Friday. Enjoy some dog content. The names alone are worth it. Like:
Gilbert, the bloodhound who instead of running could only trot sideways like a dog version of the grapevine.
Kenmore Peoples, AKA “Mr. Peoples,” the basset hound who would stare at you from all areas of a room awaiting eye contact before making his way to your area.
Cody, AKA “Cody Bagel,” the beagle who was a notorious rule-follower and rule-enforcer, and with whom I would do “Cody Curls,” an activity that mimicked bicep curls.
Frisbee, the golden retriever who would only sit if it was on top of a crate.
Marble, the great pyrenees whose self care in stressful situations consisted of forming herself into the smallest nook of a playpen.
Lula and Daisy, Italian spinone sisters with hearts of gold, arms like spiders, and hugs like grandmothers.
“The Bad Girls Club” consisting of Abby, Layla, Stella, Bailey Jones, and Baby Girl.
Cooper, the black lab and my dog who has exactly one eyebrow and who I genuinely tried to text once.
Buster, the basset hound banned from Pet Smart due to a terrible attitude.
Pancake, the beagle whose angelic face was overshadowed by her intimate relationship with a couch.
Snickerdoodle, the teacup yorkie who is the only dog that’s ever terrified me to my core.
Gally, the great dane who bowed every time you entered a room.
Patty, the toothless pitbull we found on the side of the road in the rain who wore the hell out of a t-shirt.
Georgia, more fawn than a dog, who when she’d jump up to hug me reminded me of Rachel Green for some reason???
Murphy, the king charles spaniel whose webbed paws made him waddle.
Waffle, the deaf bulldog whose only mission in life was to get the ball.
Daphne, a corgi mix who hated men and would celebrate direct eye contact with exactly four tail wags.
Ellie, the teacup poodle who loved watching Roseanne and one time wagged her tail when someone on television did a good dive with minimal splash.
Panda, the whippet in haut couture.
Sarah, the border collie whose only joy was berating people who wore hats in public.
Bernie, the bernese mountain dog terrified of bees!!!
Mr. Pants, the puggle whose name was Mr. Pants.
Don’t forget, I love you.
excellent
finally.
finally, a reason to log on
Truly the content we’ve all been waiting for
Omg, dogs!!! This is everything I needed today.
Rocky D. Dog- Vice President in Charge of Trash (his official title).
Chicken, the boston terrier with a 4 inch long tail (super long for a bostie).
Nikki, the 90 pound doberman/rhodesian ridgeback mix who insisted on sharing my sleeping bag while camping.
rocky d dog vice president in charge of trash
was there a president
His owner was self employed and worked from home, so I guess he was president. Rocky was good at throwing away trash, so he was a shoo-in for the vp position.
wow I love this dog
I assumed he ate the trash. What a good boy!
If that service dog related podcast was not Can I Pet Your Dog, then you need to go right now and listen to CIPYD podcast. As does everyone here who might read this.
Thank you for this recommendation; I have indeed gone there right now
Thank you for introducing me to this wonderful thing.
I want to meet these dogs!
Allow me to introduce you to Chewie, who has to take a lap around something, like a footstool, other dog, or a stuffed bear, before he can jump on the couch. But like a reverse-Zoolander, he can only do this by turning left.
hero
Tag yourself, I’m Daphne.
I am also daphne
I am definitely Marble.
#IamCody.
Patty.
also tho I’m Ellie
same. I’m a Daphne-Ellie mutt.
Je suis Bernie
Sorry to tell y’all I might be buster.
This comes at a great time because I REALLY WANT TO ADOPT A DOG. I fell in love with a dog, but is it practical to get a dog rn??? The eternal dilemma.
get the dog marnicus
if you aren’t 100% sure you can handle it for whatever reasons, maybe you could foster?
I read “hugs like grandmothers” as “huge like grandmothers” and now I have a new way of describing large things.
Here is a pomeranian I met in Hampstead Heath. Just chilling over here under this tree.
This dog looks like it has an important sidequest for you.
Omg
pom luv <3 follow @princeofriversdale for a qt pomeranian
I’m currently having a very protracted and very painful meltdown over how much stuff I have to revise, so this is so nice to just reread over and over to remind myself there are good things in the world (dogs)
I’d also like to add:
Annie Darling, a really big Newfoundland who sits on your foot so you can’t leave when she wants you to fuss her
Woodhouse (Woody) the very old Great Dane, who goes over to the quietest person in the room when the puppy great dane, Domino, is playing and looks up at you like “please save me”
That one random staffy who’s name I never got but decided he liked the look of me when I was eating my lunch outside one day and just sat cuddled up against me and would occasionally reach up and lick my face, but mostly just watched the world go by
Tilly, who is utterly fearless in the face of flooding streams, thorny undergrowth and other dogs, but has decided going down the stairs is too scary unless one of us comes down with her
TILLY
I am in TEARS. This article will carry me through all hard times from this day forward.
A+ content (though I’m super grateful it’s not *strictly* A+ content).
Thank you for showering us in the dogs from this very special part of your brain, Erin!
thank you for coming to visit us nina
This is good journalism
This should be a regular column with different writers each time. There are so many good pups out there to know and love.
Cyrus, who took a nap with me last weekend and when I woke up his paw was in my outstretched hand
My favorite dog – Sully, the curly blonde street mutt who has been trained to be a perfect little spoon and gaze longingly into your eyes and sigh with happiness. <3
My small dog, Alfred Fraggle, is the perfect little spoon for my body size/shape. That, combined with our matching personalities, have made it clear to me that he is my soulmate.
Sounds dreamy!!!
this has cleansed my pores and fixed my finances
I just got a job at a dog boarding kennel, it’s heavenly.
baby girl
They’re good dogs, Brent! =)
Waffle would have been good friends with Larry, a terrier mix who lived for fetching tennis balls that you’d throw for him.
Reuben, the daschund. My childhood partner in crime and most favorite pillow.
Tinker Bell Silver Sky the schnauzer who was my constant loyal companion.
Lexie the schnauzer who is part cat, she walks on ledges, and jumps on your shoulders as you walk by.
Ellie, the blue beauty who just wanted to be loved, and is now in a loving home and she is the happiest dog baby you have ever seen ❤❤❤.
Additionally:
Gracie the Bark Ranger (!!!) at Glacier National Park. @barkrangernps is the best thing on Instagram.
GREAT REC EMILY
THANKS ERIN GREAT ARTICLE & GREAT DOGS
Officially my favorite article ever published on Autostraddle dot com
super can relate to wanting to text my dog.
“are you alright, butter? [i call my dog butter sometimes even though that’s not his name] there’s dinner in the cabinet, help yourself.”
omg I call cooper butters. also “are you alright” ahhh
I’d like to add my two best friends’ dogs: Luna the 9-yr-old chocolate lab who still runs around and plays like a puppy, LOVES sledding, and will start licking you if you lie on the floor around her long enough (something that is very nice when you’re lying on the floor of your best friend’s house in despair); and Padme Amidala aka Yakoff, a tiny fluffy shih tzu with a huge personality who refuses to leave my lap when I’m around.
Also I’m hoping to start training a PTSD service dog in law school (preferably a greyhound or some sort of sighthound!)
Luna and yakoff have been accepted to this list!
I would like to add The Mister Jenkins, a chihuahua beagle mix who enjoyed barking through the mail slot and the postman and passing children. Also known as “Sir” to my roommate Ricky, as he enjoyed singing “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” inserting the name Jenkins for Leroy to the dog.
THE mister
Yes, the THE was a critical portion of his name.
I would like to make a few nominations.
Grr, AKA Beast, the pomeranian who sends humans of all genders, ages, and sizes scrambling onto chairs and counters. She also likes to sit on my lap when I have cereal in the morning.
Daisy, the Rottweiler who was afraid of pizza boxes, plastic bags, and all guests.
Elvis, the schipperke, who was an expert at stealing food off the kitchen table without jumping onto a chair. He once stole 3 plates of food from a family friend. He also drank coffee and ate crayons.
“all guests”
I have some additions:
Dobbie, the Corgi who was terrified by modern art.
Kuma, the Akita who dreamed of becoming a boat captain, but was afraid of getting wet.
Trixie, the ??? who would insist you sneeze or cough politely.
Dozer, the chocolate lab who made a good pillow by the fireplace
JK about my earlier tag, I’m definitely more of a Trixie.
Trixie baby
you are blessed to have known all these angels
This is an amazing article.
I would like to include:
Katrina, the Shepherd/Husky/??? mix who started my lifelong love of rescue dogs.
Regal Beagle, who would curse you out if you went somewhere without her. People recognized her bark more than her appearance.
Penny, the Best Dog Ever. She’s incredibly polite and loves everyone (but has a VIP club).
Reid, the puppy mill survivor with the most worried face I’ve ever seen. As one vet said, “he has no meanness in him.”
Oscar, aka Moo. He’s 19, blind, deaf and has dementia, but he’s still a happy old guy. He only has one tooth to his name and makes me laugh.
Stewart, the 6lb dapple Doxie who I never actually met in person. I followed his journey on Facebook and cried with his owner when he passed at age 13.
Honourable mentions: Donut, Baguette and Pickle, all Doxies. Best names ever.
And because this post has a severe lack of pictures, enjoy these 3 majestic beasts.
Penny
Reid
Oscar
Oops, messed up the code on Oscar. Here he is:
KAY IM DEAD WHAT IS WITH THE CUTE TONGUE SOCIETY
Oscar’s is truly the greatest
I’ve got one!
Juniper, a 15 year old Rat Terrier who pretends to be stiff and arthritic when you ask her to get off the couch, but jumps and spins around like a puppy when you bring out the peanut butter treats.
This dog also weighs like 15 pounds but once ate an entire foot long sub (paper wrapping and all) while waiting in the car for me while I ran into the bank.
dear lord
Marlee Sue McGoo, aka Susan Crazypants: a saucy black lab/pitbull mix who, in an effort to scratch her own butt on the ground, busts out some of the best dog b-boi-ing moves ever witnessed.
zomggggg can’t believe that
a) found that PostSecret image litrall YEARSSS after it made me cry for the first time (still does ?)
b) that I successfully put a photo in a comment ?!?!
WHAT IS THIS DAY
Also, GREAT PYRENEES!!!! ?
Dammit. I’ll show myself out. ?
linnea
Omg Erin, literally I have been too embarrassed all day to return to this thread
Pepper, the German shepherd mix whose ears stuck out like helicopter blades & wiggled as she slept, who listened patiently to all of my childhood secrets.
Chloe, the miniature Schnoodle who can catch any ball & will keep you outside for as long as it takes for someone to pet her.
Lulu, the German Shepherd who
-once closed herself in the laundry for hours but didn’t make any noise because she knows barking inside isn’t allowed (poor baby)
-twice brought one of her poo’s into the house to show us, and seemed genuinely surprised when this wasn’t received with joy
-always digs the same hole under the deck, then sticks her whole head into this hole
-she enjoys hiding under desks, under beds, under pianos, under chairs, and in other small dark places you would NEVER expect a dog that is 1.6m long to fit into
Cluedo, the Dalmatian who
-is 100% In Charge of numerous woollen blankets which people are not permitted to pick up
-her noises include ‘WOOO’ & ‘WAAROO’ & ‘RARARAAOOWW’
-enjoys sleeping on my lap (despite being about 20kg) and sending my leg numb
-walks on her back legs alarmingly well, like a trained circus dog
-all foreign objects are Enemies until proven otherwise
Also, shoutout to my Aunt’s dog Pixie, a Pomeranian with one tooth who bounces up and down like a tiny fluffy pogo stick when my Aunt returns home from shopping.
this is exactly what i needed. they are all such good dogs.
Yaaas pups named after breakfast foods. I love this. Well,and all your posts tbh. Also, when one of the dogs named after food is starting shit in the playroom and you get to yell, in a scolding manner, “Tatter Tot!” “Perogie!”
Dude, I know a beagle that goes by bagel too..
So a few I hung out with today off the top of my head..
Flo, a tiny, thin black lab, who growls any time another dog goes within a foot of her. She likes me tho. We understand eachother.
Hank, a boxer who persistently barks with a low tone in other dog’s faces, except when the huskies/malamutes/etc. start howling. In which case, he finds a spot by himself and lets out a puppy like, barely audible yowl for several minutes. The whole time with a profound look on his face
But yea dogs do things like eat poop and are somehow still perfect
Tonight, I met Kirby. She is a Corgi who really enjoy playing tug-of-war combined with fetch using a neon pink triceratops. We played. I threw it. It landed on the ottoman next to her owner’s foot, which it also hit. I said, “oh I’m sorry!” Her owner said, “no problem, we accidentally throw the toy at each other all the time.”
It was then that I had to admit that I was actually apologizing to Kirby for throwing her toy onto an ottoman that I wasn’t sure she could reach.
I’m deathly (asthmatically) allergic to cats, so I sublimate with dogs — oh but dogs! Dogs seek attunement with the people they choose to love in a way that is more… melding than cats. I hope cat lovers forgive me.
Rosie, a rescue, is my first dog in 7 years, an amalgam of 6 breeds from malamute to chihuahua, with lots of pekingese thrown in, and some shar-pei too. Why it’s been 7 years is another story involving a former house with a former partner of 21 years… but Rosie. First, Rosie is sometimes psychic; how else to explain that when her first friend/safe person outside of her new family (me and my Beloved Woman) came to visit, Rosie alerted us to her arrival by running, all expectation and delight, to the front porch — one minute before she actually arrived! Second, Rosie is way smart and notices everything. Third, she dances when she’s happy. I love my wife and I love my dog and we are quite the lucky pack.