Letter From Your Editors

Hello Scented Candles!

Well, what have we here? We have the month of March. For a small set of geographical locations including many of ours, this means spring has sprung, and we’re ready to think about flowers and/or hold them in pictures!

1st row: Laneia, Djuan, Riese, Alaina, Carmen
2nd row: Cee, Kayla, Nikki, Isabel, Stef
3rd row: Raquel, Maree, Rachel, Aisha, Alex
4th row: Erin, Maddie, Mey, Audrey, KaeLyn

What a magical month it’s been for (this dog who follows me everywhere) our website! We’ve been voting and spring cleaning and passion planning and writing and gearing up for camp. Laneia survived a 2.5-week spring break by the skin of her teeth and worked on A+ content plans and finalized some podcast plans. Yvonne has had one of the hardest months of her life, personally, but when she has been able to be here she has been editing some very fine posts and writing some very fine news fixes. Rachel has been trying to protect her fragile mental health in the midst of election news, attending the LGBT media convening, and editing like a beast. Heather has been swimming in lesbian tv stats and working even more than usual with an eye toward a full week of vacation, which is a thing she has not taken since 2009. I’ve also been immersed in an underwater tank of TV stats, cataloguing queer TV deaths and catching up on every trans woman to ever appear on American TV, as well as organizing my Lesbian True Crime series. It’s been a fun month and I feel like on-site conversation is at an all-time high and that’s rad.

I hope you’ve enjoyed our A+ content: Mey’s essay about finalizing her nam-change, Carolyn’s secret and sexy diary entries,  and A+ Inbox Live Podcast #2 and A+ Inbox Live Podcast #3, Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #7 and The A+ Bee #36. Also, we turned SEVEN YEARS OLD on March 11th, and reflected on that in a special post for all A+ members.

Thank you for existing!

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From February

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. We Asked An Actual Entertainment Lawyer: Why Can’t Sony Help Kesha?, by Stef Schwartz
2. A Conversation On Queer Sex and Wheelchairs, by Tovah
3. Wait, Are Cara Delevingne And Annie Clark Engaged Or What?, by Stef Schwartz
4. 20 Feminist, Queer, Body-Positive and Otherwise Radical Coloring Books, by Rachel Kincaid
5. Batwoman Makes Her Surprisingly Gay (And Surprisingly Great) Animated Debut in “Batman: Bad Blood,” by Heather Hogan
6. Beyoncé’s “Formation” is Two Middle Fingers to the Sky in Celebration of Black America, by Kari Mugo
7. 8 Exceptional Excerpts from “The Joy of Lesbian Sex,” by Laura Mandanas
8. Abby Wambach Barbie: 15 Gay Barbies She Can Invite To The Dreamhouse Potluck, by Riese
9. Is Period Sex The Ultimate Lesbian Sexual Indicator?, by Carolyn
10. View From The Top: I Started As A Bottom, by Sinclair

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Riese: My check-in is these tv-related posts and camperships
and calling Wisconsin
about their batshit idea that I need to buy workmans comp insurance for Rachel
when Rachel is obviously fine!
Laneia: I wonder what kind of injuries would be covered under workman’s comp for a writer who works from home, besides carpal tunnel obvs
Riese: Like if Rachel fell out of her chair maybe
or like poured hot coffee on her hand on accident
Laneia: Or dropped some books on her face
Riese: mhm
book-dropping
is a big issue
Rachel: Def don’t tell them I already have carpal tunnel
Riese: PRE EXISTING CONDITION
Laneia: I dropped the iPad on my face last night
these things do happen

Riese: The Broadly editor sent me this link
Mey: I’d honestly rather have eddie redmayne play 10 more trans women than have to see one more article about women who make money “teaching trans women how to be feminine”

Yvonne: I’m at this cafe and i thought they gave free refills because the barista who is always here just gives it to me and then today there was a different guy and he was like $1 and I was like oh shit this entire time the other barista was giving me free coffee
Heather: Tell him you’re a VIP
Yvonne: I should! I should just be like “I was a customer here before this neighborhood got super gentrified in the last couple of years”
Laneia: !
Yvonne: Haha which is stupid because I’m a millennial at a hipstery cafe
I’m part of the problem I’m sure
Heather: Still, it’s true!
You were there first!
Grandfathered in for free refills
Yvonne: Yes I was and I was actually kicked out of my apartment because of gentrification
Heather: Exactly. Get that free coffee.
Yvonne: I know I miss the other barista named Jesse
I believe he’s queer because I saw him at an lgbt event once
and he’s Latino
so he was just looking out for his fam

Mey: David Schwimmer says “juice”
Stef: Yesssss
Laneia: Oh my heart this is so perfect
It’s even better if you imagine it’s Ross Gellar, which isn’t even that difficult
Stef: He loves juice like Ross loves dinosaurs
Mey: He loves juice like I love him
Riese: Oh man Christopher Darden
I just wanna like hug him
Stef: Riese I want to know all your thoughts and feelings about everyone on this show
Mey: Can we change AS from being about queer women to just being about The People vs OJ Simpson
Stef: Let’s take a vote, all in favor say yay
YAY
Mey: YAY
Stef: Okay great looks like everyone’s on the same page, let’s start drafting a new logo
Mey: Can I change my title from Trans Editor to Robert Kardashian Editor?
Stef: Yes I will probably be Connie Britton Editor from now on
Also heading up our Star Witness Akita division
Erin: I was an extra on Nashville and can confirm Connie Britton has FOUR hair people
Mey: !!!
Stef: I mean LOOK at her hair
it’s fabulous
Mey: I’m changing “Drawn to Comics” to “Drawn to Kardashians”
Stef: Oh no
Get Baked is just gonna be Get Juiced from now on
Mey: We can do “Were We Ever So Young” about remembering where we were when the actual bronco chase and trial happened
Stef: No fuckin clue about the bronco chase, I remember talking about it at day camp though
Erin: Doorway from our kitchen to the living room, same as princess di
Riese: I remember I was in 9th grade biology class when the verdict was announced because some kids ran down the hallway yelling THE JUICE IS LOOSE
Stef: I’d also like to lead a separate Selma Blair vertical

Yvonne: The shutterstock images for abortion are kinda disturbing
Rachel: Oh man I bet
Laneia: Is there at least one white teenager looking scared/sad
Yvonne: Yes I see one
Riese: Maybe sitting in a paper gown
Looking down at her belly
And clutching it softly
Rachel: It would be funny if they were all women in cars
making the multi-day road trip to a state where they can access an abortion
Yvonne: Like this is disturbing:

Rachel: What the fuck!
I would also get an abortion if my pregnancy looked like that
Yvonne: This one too:

Rachel: Oh for goodness sakes
There should be a law against producing representations of fetuses that aren’t scientifically accurate
Laneia: The face in the belly! What the entire fuck
Oh my lord

Rachel: Sorry I’m late, the handle of the shower broke as I was showering
Laneia: Omg were you trapped
Rachel: Why does this happen to me
Laneia: Did you have to hurl yourself out of the shower and onto the floor
Heather: That’s horrifying! are you okay?
Laneia: Oh not the shower DOOR guys i’m sorry i have shower doors and i hate them and I guess I assume everyone lives this cruel life
Heather: Oh I was thinking door too
I was thinking Rachel was stuck in the shower like that one PLL episode where Spencer’s shower tries to murder her

Laneia: What is with men wanting to fuck everything up all the fucking time
just left and right
also I’m not telling anybody how to live their life, but what are you protesting at a Kasich speech?
Rachel: Was there just not enough room at the other protests
Was this the only protest you could get a ride to
Laneia: Oh good point
Seems like they’d be better off just getting some pizza
He’s like Mr Rogers
Wait I lost him. He’s asking people to take their friends to dinner?
and dresses
Rachel: Oh Kasich
Laneia: Fancy dresses
Rachel: Somebody call the Uber for Kasich
Let’s go ahead and pack him up and get him home
Laneia: LOLing at the mental vision of Kasich still talking while someone shuts the door of a blue Ford Focus
Rachel: “He’s gonna try to tell you that taking the back roads is faster but it’s not, trust me. just follow google maps and take the expressway.”

Audrey: The framing of this article is SO weird. Like, who is saying that the experiences of pretty femme skinny white famous women means anything about anyone else? It seems like the author did a lot of mental gymnastics so she could discredit a notion that no one holds. Or maybe I’m missing something?
Also since when does “queer” mean “straight with gay sympathies”…
Riese: That’s what I always thought it meant
you’re straight, but like, you feel bad for gay people
Rachel: You buy war bonds for gay people
You add gay people to your prayers at night
You comment “aw!” on facebook below stories about gay people
You try to remember to tivo that one Lifetime movie about gay people
Alaina: Like the straight mom at my church who cries every time she talks about gay marriage because she’s so happy that we’re finally equal? She’s queer?
Got it
Riese: Yes! She probably wants to hook up
Erin: Her and Jackie from Workout are on again
they were off again
Riese: Phew

Alex Vega keeps getting older!!!!

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Gabrielle Bellot, Contributor

Twitter: GabbyBellot

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
When I was a kid, I fantasized about saving Britney Spears from super-villains who, no doubt, had my father’s taste in music, me a heroine swooping in to save the day. I am slightly embarrassed that this is all true.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on:
A night with a girl from Pakistan I really liked, which seemed lovely, except that I had thought it was a date and she had not. We purchased wine, and she shared her cigarette with me under the faded yellow light above her door, little moths above our heads. I was never a big smoker, and the brief time in my life when I did was mainly around her because she was one of those people who seems like they are missing something if one isn’t between their fingers. I couldn’t tell if she wanted me to do something or not; it was like trying to read a book in the twilight. And then we made out, and I felt so happy, briefly, thinking this was the start of something — only to learn, days later, that it had never been a date, she blamed herself being drunk, and she didn’t want to be with someone ‘nice’ like me. It was the worst because I had let myself get my hopes up, only to find out it was never a date at all.

If you were at a karaoke bar and you had to pick one song to sing, what would it be?
Aaah! I don’t think anyone could induce me to sing karaoke. Windows would break, and my reflection would flee from me in mirrors. And a lot of my fave music doesn’t even have words. But, if you could induce me, I might sing Enjoy the Silence by Lacuna Coil. Cristina Scabbia would never forgive me.

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
That Trudeau-Obam fanfiction already exists #TruBama

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
Being able to return to my apartment, where I live alone, after burglars broke in. Being able to silence the fears a bit more each day. Being able to write in my apartment again, and having been able to contribute work to places I love, like — aside from AS! — VIDA and Slate, which feels unreal to me, as I always feel I am a terrible writer the moment I submit anything.

Sinclair Sexsmith, Contributor

Twitter: mrsexsmith
Instagram: mrsexsmith
Tumblr: mrsexsmith
Facebook: SugarButch
Websites: sugarbutch.net, mrsexsmith.com, bodytrustcircle.com, dsconfidence.com

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
The On Our Backs archive on Independent Voices

What’s your morning ritual like?
I do some things for my health first, like oil pulling and lemon detox tea, and also a few sun salutations to wake up my body, or sometimes my partner and I take the dog for a walk. I spend about half an hour writing morning pages, which feels a bit like cleaning out the pipes and getting the gunk out of my system before I get to work. I usually check my inboxes (Twitter, Facebook, email) to make sure there’s nothing super urgent or exciting there, and then check in on my schedule for the day. I review upcoming deadlines and my goals for the week, and create some MITs (most important tasks) to focus on and get done. I use the bullet journal organizing format daily, so I always check in on my weekly spread and use post-it notes to create daily goals. Probably about then I make some breakfast, or share brunch with my partner.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on:
A very hot girl leaned over the table of the sexy dank bar and said, “I think you’re a misogynist.” As if that was a pick-up line. I said, “I think you mean masculine?” She shrugged. “Yeah, whatever.” She thought she knew how to talk about gender politics, but she really had no clue. All in all, that really isn’t that bad, but that’s what comes to mind.

What’s your favorite sex toy?
My hands. The Maverick dildo by Vixen Creations, or the Carter by New York Toy Collective. My belt.

What’s your #1 turn-on?
There’s so much. Confidence, teasing, polarity … But dirty talk is the biggest turn on. Once we can talk about dirty things and use that as part of the way we weave the scenes, power and gender play goes to a whole new level.

What’s your #1 turn-off?
Tough one. I have strong boundaries around psychological and emotional manipulation, being a survivor myself and someone who has been in relationships that included a lot of gaslighting. So I’m tempted to say something about psychological or personality traits. But I think that’s less of a turn-off and more of a self-protection boundary that I’ve learned (the hard way) over the years.

So, my actual answer is: People who don’t understand my gender. I know it’s not exactly conventional, but it’s also not that bizarre: I’m a genderqueer butch Daddy queer dominant. But if someone either sees me as a woman or places all sorts of stereotypical masculine expectations on me, I lose my boner pretty quick.

Paulie Jumped Off The Roof

Maddie: It is very sad to see the number of dead lesbians on TV grow and grow in that headline
Mey: And the list doesn’t even include Paulie from Lost and Delirious, so it’s still missing one
Stef: Yeah whenever I see the new number i mentally add a +1 for paulie
Mey: Yeah, she jumped off a roof
Stef: Oh really?
I only got through season one of that tv show
Mey: Yeah, the second season is the best
Maddie: Wait but guys
Paulie jumped off a roof in Lost and Delirious
Stef: Fuckin a Maddie, I was just about to pop in the dvd of season 2
Maddie: Oooo my bad
Stef: Shit everything was going so well for Paulie so far in season 1
Mey: Yeah, well, she was played by piper perabo
Riese: Wait what’s the show you guys are taking about
Stef: Lost and Delirious, our favorite tv show
Riese: Ohhhhh right
Maddie: It’s the one where paulie dies
Mey: A warning though, Paulie dies in it
Maddie: She jumps off a roof
Stef: You GUYS
I haven’t seen that season yet
Riese: Is she confirmed gay though?
Mey: Yeah, she’s played by Piper Perabo
her girlfriend rejects her so she jumps off a roof (suicide)
Stef: Wait so shouldn’t she be in that post about dead lesbians on tv then?
jesus we really dropped the ball here
Riese: I can’t believe I forgot this one!!!
Stef: It’s ok Riese!! You’re only human
It’s ok that you forgot about this one thing that happened on a tv show
Mey: At least you put Xena on there, it would’ve been really, really insulting if you left her off
Maddie: If it helps, when I saw her on the list I thought it said “cause of death: bedhead”
Riese: She really paved the way for Ellen
And for Paulie, truly
Laneia: Do you guys know where I can get s2 of L&D it’s not on netflix
Stef: I think it’s on amazon prime? I keep meaning to get to it but it’s like ughhh do I have the time to emotionally invest myself in another show?
Especially now that I know Paulie dies
Laneia:

Stef: I mean you’d think if she jumped off a roof she’d just fly to another roof
Laneia: What was her deal were her wings clipped?
I don’t get it
Stef: But the distinction here, Laneia, is really that this Paulie you posted is a movie
so it doesn’t apply here
we’re talking about tv shows.
Laneia: OH MY GOD I AM SO EMBARRASSED
Gonna throw myself off a roof
Stef: I hope you fly to another one!!!
Riese: Ugh you’re always acting JUST like a raven

What We’ve Been Reading

Alaina: Assuming a Body: Transgender Rhetorics of Materiality by Gayle Salamon

Cee: Hunger Makes Me A Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein

Carmen: My Life On the Road by Gloria Steinem

Maree: My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante

Rachel: Affinity by Sarah Waters

Alex: Dark Matter and the Dinosaurs: The Astounding Interconnectedness of the Universe by Lisa Randall

Erin: Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother and Other Botanical Atrocities by Amy Stewart

Aisha: The Woman Upstairs by Claire Messud

Maddie: Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Heather: Recipe for Life: Marry Berry the Autobiography by Mary Berry

Mey: I Kill Giants by Joe Kelly and JM Ken Niimura

Ali: The Soul of an Octopus by Sy Montgomery

Kayla: Goodbye To All That by Various Authors

KaeLyn: Kissing Dead Girls by Daphne Gottlieb

Riese: O Pioneers! by Willa Cather

SLACKERS

Slack introduced a new (beta) call feature this month because sometimes it’s better to talk things out, apparently. Stef agreed to test out the new feature by “hopping on a quick call” with Heather and answering five dumb questions. Here’s how that worked out.

Also, this month Slack introduced JUMBOMOJIS, and we added a custom Mary Berry emoji to our collection. (I’m sorry my name is in yellow; Heather is one of my highlight words!)

March Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous [month]s Riese thinks you might enjoy.

via Cracking the Coming Out Code, one of many posts composed by Riese and Alex while sitting on Alex’s Mom’s couch

Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office #201: Black Swan Black Swan Did You Really Happen, by Riese / Julie / Brandy (2011) – This is my favorite IYBO ever, really truly, like there are things they said in this video that I still say. TO THIS VERY DAY.

Listicle: Nineteen Reasons I’ve Been Given To Watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, by Intern Grace (2012) – I can definitely say that Grace does not regret the decision she made to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Are you on the fence? Maybe this post can help!

Tailoring Tips For Wearing Menswear, by Laura (2012) – This is a really good guide to tailoring menswear to fit your very own hot bod.

Going Mad In New York City, by Riese (2012) – A personal essay about that time I went to get my girlfriend from jail and then we went to Bryant Park so she could yell at people about Jesus and some things that happened after that which was the beginning of a longer and more chaotic story.

The Top 50 Gayest Parts of Pretty Little Liars Season Three, by Lizz (2013) – Who doesn’t love a nice funny list by Lizz? No seriously if you watch(ed) Pretty Little Liars and you love to laugh, go read this list right now, it’s even funnier than the title suggests. I just re-read it and it was the best decision I made all day. “Emily’s lesbian sitting posture” is really real. There are pictures. I hope you opened this tab.

Why Lesbians Won’t Give Up The Hipster, by Phoenix (2010), This is outdated in so many ways but also very fun to read / look back on, b/c Phoenix always nails it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN

ALUMNI NEWSLETTER

Sarah Palmer, Associate Editor, three-ish years

Sarah (right) and her wife Monet, via Sarah on Insta

What are you doing without us?
Apparently, being a boring lawyer. But also parenting a needy Great Dane and two insane cats, hanging out with my lady friend, growing foods, and perfecting cocktail recipes.

What do you miss the most about us?
Middle-of-the-night emails from Riese, team Skype meetings, team real-life meetings, and riding in cars with sharks. Also, Bonnaroo.

Would you invite us to your wedding, yes or no?
Trick question, I already had one of those! :)

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Attempting to Contain Everything: Dody Bellamy’s When the Sick Rule the World, by Aisha

This has only been up for a couple days for you motherfuckers to not read, but listen, I’ve gotta be real with you: you have already fucked up by not reading it. You’ve gotta read it! You’re gonna be so glad you did. Just get on over there and put everything else on pause for ten minutes. You’re worth it.

5 Things You Can Do When Someone You Love is Voting for Trump, by Heather

Even if you read this when it went up, I feel like there’s a pretty solid chance you need to read it again. I know I do.

I Feel Pretty, by Sheree

I just love this piece! When I first got to take a look at it, way back when before it had even been put into WordPress and was still an email in an inbox, I loved it so much and wanted to just spin my chair around with glee. You, too, can have this experience! Even if you don’t have a spinny chair!

Follow Your Arrow: Jane Bradley Champions Women Writers, by Beth

Earlier this year Maddie reviewed (RE)Sisters: Stories of Rebel Girls, Revolution, Empowerment and Escape, and so it’s super rad that Beth got to interview the founder of publisher For Books’ Sake, who does amazing work creating opportunities and access for women writers and their work. I knew I thought Jane Bradley’s work was awesome, but I didn’t realize how much I’d relate to her or how much the work she does would remind me of Autostraddle — this is such a good read! You’re missing out!

Grandma’s House on Memory Lane, by Isabel

I thought I was prepared for this essay before I read it — I knew from editorial conversations more or less what it was about, and sort of felt Okay, I get it before going in. I wasn’t prepared, not at all. It’s gorgeous and vulnerable and takes risks in a way that have nothing to do with being a “beautiful” essay, while still being a beautiful essay. You’re losing the chance at a really valuable experience if you don’t read it, I think.

Isabel’s Pick of the Month: Waterproof Notepad

I got my Aqua Notes pad (a waterproof notepad for the shower) as a gift for somebody else, no lie. I’m 92% certain she reads the Insider, so I won’t go into detail, but she definitely did not receive her Secret Non-denominational Present Exchange present last year because this thing is amazing. I was obsessed with Serial at the moment, but in the middle of a massive project, so shower time was the only time I had to hear what Sarah Koenig and Adnan were up to. And, while I would usually text my theories to the first available person, shower-time Serial meant I thought I had figured out why it was obvious Jay had done it, but I could never remember how I arrived at the conclusion once I stepped out of the steam – until I suction-cupped this sucker to my shower. Suddenly, I was Beautiful-Mind-ing while I conditioned, no idea left behind. It was glorious.

About eight months ago, my girlfriend made the selfless trek from DC to New York moving into my tiny basement apartment and eliminating the distance of our long-distance relationship. I want to say nothing really changed, because it really didn’t, except now I had an audience to the shower-note madness, also Serial was over. So, the notes evolved. Now they’re more of a bizarre series of to-do lists and cute-isms, and the occasional giraffe drawing.

I travel all the time so this weird slippery note pad, with it’s amazing waterproof pencil, works a little bit like a time capsule. It’s been an interesting transition going from long-distance, to no distance, to distance because I’m in Mexico, to no distance again. But the little Aqua Notes pad has seen us through lather and rinse, and even during a weird back and forth where we drew ads for fictional travel agencies. The pencil is super resilient, the pages have perforated tear-away edges (which satisfies me to no end) and it sticks to most tile and stone surfaces. Worst comes to worst, you’ll just happen to get better at drawing cute giraffes while you condition.

Social Media Spotlight

You know our new staff writer Erin from such hits as I Still Don’t Get The Cat Thing: Some Internet Haikus, and What if “The Bachelor” Is The Illuminati’s Most Vocal Mouthpiece: A Visual Guide, and of course How To Cure Your Consumption By Laying In A Ditch and Other Witch Home Remedies. But did you know she’s just as funny on Twitter? Well, now you do.

*sees plastic bag being violently blown in the wind along with a bunch of trash* go best friend that's my best friend

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) March 23, 2016

if a woman in hollywood played characters as mediocre as owen wilson's and in such mediocre fashion people would call for her murder

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) March 21, 2016

it's fun to imagine the line "i knew a man bojangles and he'd danced for you" to be this creature made of butter biscuits dancing for you

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) March 20, 2016

my name means ireland, my last name is sullivan, my due date was st. patrick's day, and i waited to be born until the 18th bc i am A Hater

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) March 17, 2016

what about a "goop on the stoop" & it's a life-like gwenyth doll giving you a smiling but ultimately disappointed face year-round

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) March 16, 2016

i, a white man, find this flawless WOC –like on god composed of pure symmetry– attractive, but that's just 1 notable opinion of many i have

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) March 15, 2016

that patronus in s3 of house of cards when frank is crying on the floor & claire appears post-run to sex his tears away..is a great patronus

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) March 15, 2016

the nasa technician who debunked apollo 10's space music claims by explaining it was just radio interference was def the homework reminderer

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) February 22, 2016

wow truly anything goes in tennessee! pic.twitter.com/ZCXAYxWh0l

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) February 19, 2016

NOODLES

Stef: also rose mcgowan is being sued because her large mutt knocked over an 85 year old neighbor
rose mcgowan was not walking the dog at the time
the dog is named ms noodle
sorry MRS noodle
she is married apparently
Laneia: probably widowed
knocked him out of a window
“accidentally”
Stef: it was an old lady! she jumped up on the lady and put her paws on her knees and the woman fell over
Heather: mrs noodle is married?
Stef: she must be, right?
otherwise she’d be miss or ms noodle
Laneia: no i’m saying mrs. noodle is probs a widow
Laneia: that old lady just needs to practice her balance! you never know when a dog is going to need to make contact with you quickly
gotta be ready
Stef: she doesn’t look sorry

Heather: mrs noodle just wants to watch the world burn
Laneia: mrs. noodle has never been more sure about her actions
Stef: omg this woman is now like bedridden and requires 24 hour care
let this be a lesson to anyone else who comes across mrs noodle
Heather: mrs noodle heard that woman say she is voting for trump, who cares, it doesn’t matter who’s president, at least he speaks his mind
Stef: i support you mrs noodle!
Laneia: omg that poor woman!
Stef: !!!

Mrs. Noodle ate a seat cushion off of the Milo Baughmann couch last night. She is unrepentant. pic.twitter.com/6silEkQJzy

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) August 10, 2015

Stef: she’s on a rampage
Heather: mrs noodle loves destruction!
Stef: has rose mcgowan ever dated women because this is the kind of journalism i can get behind
Heather: mrs noodles ships her and alicia cargile
Stef: ooooo
Laneia: mrs noodle doesn’t give a single fuck whether or not kristen stewart or lindsey shaw are drinking the recommended amount of water today
Stef: this is another dog rose mcgowan has

Stef: that one looks even more evil than mrs noodle
Laneia: oh my god
this one is CONTROLLING mrs. noodle
it’s so obvious
Stef: looks like a distant bobbi
i think that dog is named sasquatch
Heather: mind control bobbi
Stef: sasquatch bobbi

XOXO Team Autostraddle

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