We need to talk about Beyoncé.
I know you know that she released her self-titled opus “Beyoncé” in the dead of the night, catching us all off guard with 14 new songs and 17 music videos. Everyone cried and held each other close.
I just have so many queer girl feelings and so many queer girl questions regarding this bountiful gift. B, if you’re reading this, pray tell…
1.
Supermodel Joan Smalls knows. She got a good lick. I’m guessing Yoncé tastes like lollipops, B’Day cake, and Texas soul food – all currently vegan of course (I’m still not over that situation). Oh and success. Yoncé surely tastes of the sweet flavor of ultimate success. This same video for the song “Yoncé” also made me question…
2.
That’s what I yelled at my screen the first time I saw this video. And then I yelled it at Google and Google said this is fashion model Chanel Iman! Good for her! I’m terrible at knowing who’s who in the fashion world, but rest assured, I will know who this is now and forever. Hey girl hey.
3.
The video for “Superpower” had me squealing with delight. I mean they all did, but this one definitely spoke to my queer “let’s go dismantle all the oppressions in the streets!” sensibility. And boy howdy did these folks come dressed and shorn ready to throw down. I lost count of all the ALHs in this one. Queen Bey herself was even rocking a bit of “not-allowed-at-work-because-the-man-said-natural-hair-colors-only” green streaks in her coif. Y’all, I think Beyoncé wants us to physically fight against injustices and to look fly while doing it. Speaking of…
4.
Because you know we will. And I quote these lyrics from “Mine“, “All I can think of is, we should get married. We should get married. Let’s stop holding back on this and let’s get carried away.” Somewhere in the world a queer has already written these lyrics on protest signs because she knows all the other queers will immediately get what it’s from and she’ll be the belle of the boycott.
Side question: Why do I find Drake so pretty?
5.
Was it Tom Ford? For every action an equal and opposite reaction… so some sort of heinous witchcraft must have conspired to make this tuxedo suit. This suit she rocks in” Haunted” is beyond slick. Oh and obviously it also looks good because Beyoncé is wearing it, but you knew that. She makes me feel like I sincerely need to step my game up! Which is why I wonder…
6.
YES. YES. YES. I might damn well try. I spied this in the video for “Jealous.” I need this in my life. So shiny. So spiky looking. So “fuck your one earring convention.” So “fuck your metal detectors.” So fucked if you happened to get them caught on something.
7.
Just kidding. I know why I’m crying. Because Beyoncé. And because Blue! Really though, during this video for “Blue,” featuring the little tiny baby voice of Beyoncé’s daughter, the one and only Blue Ivy Carter, I genuinely found myself tearing up a bit! It’s just so sincere and earnest and lovely. Blue’s little baby voice copying her mother’s and saying “hold on to me,” while Beyoncé croons her name – I’m generally bothered the concept of the ticking biological clock for pregnancy but mine started SCREAMING when that happened, so what can i say?
8.
So yeah this is Beyoncé. In the video for “***Flawless.” In a plaid shirt buttoned all the way to the top. Getting rough with the boys. Rocking out with the girls. Telling bitches to bow down. Sampling audio from novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s phenomenal TEDx speech, “We should all be feminists.” I get chills when the speech comes in and everything gets slowmo. I’d heard the speech before but placing it in the context of this video was stunning. I had to pause and take a break. I had to send Facebook messages about it. I had to get my mom to come look at it. Adichie’s voice haunts over the music, “We teach girls to shrink themselves. You should aim to be successful but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man…why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?…We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.” This might be the queerest moment of the visual album and as I have thus far demonstrated there are queer delight moments aplenty. Political feminist Beyoncé. I am just overwhelmed. Beyoncé…
9.
That there is a bonafide Beyoncé body mountain range. In the video for “Rocket,” there are all sorts of cheeky visual innuendo gags going on. Studies show that literally no one has complained.
Side question: Is this a little D’Angelo influenced? Because with all the naked I can definitely see the “How Does it Feel?” video parallels and I can even hear the music mashup in my head. Can someone make that for me? I love a good mashup!
Finally, Beyoncé, I just want to know
10.
That is all. How, Beyoncé? How?
There’s still so much more to talk about!
This instant-Netflix style all at once release. This triumph of filmmaking. This lyrical call to arms. This feminism. This celebration of black woman beauty. This celebration of motherhood. This celebration of independence. This dance-inspiration. This fashion trend-setting. This Beyoncé.
What are your favorite “Beyoncé” moments and what questions do you have for this ***Flawless human being?
Everything about this is perfect.
11. Where can I get an elves of Lothlorien outfit like yours in Superpower? It is fly like Thorondor.
yes lord.
You’ve pretty much captured all of my feelings in this post. My favorite songs on the album are XO and Super Power, but every video is just stunning. Beyonce really outdid herself with the collection of hot, sexy girlpower monster jams.
I’m seriously having such a hard time picking favorites. I definitely can’t when it comes to videos. I’m a bit closer when it comes to songs. XO is up there. It’s absolutely anthemic, don’t you think?
I hope she runs for president one day so I can vote for her
no doubt she will. who would be your dream VP in this scenario?
….or would Beyonce not need a VP because….Beyonce?
Rih for VP! sounds potentially catchy. making tshirts now
I thought the same about “Rocket”! Sounds so much like D’Angelo. And of course I love it
What I would like to know is how I’m supposed to go on after this. I just wanna cry dance in a dark room for hours to this album.
I love you. Your facebook commentary has been priceless… how is living going? With all the distractions and everything? ;)
I’m making it through. Currently doing my laundry while listening to Beyoncé
this article was ***Flawless.
The feminism. The sexiness. The Beyoncéness. She just keeps on getting better. I can’t deal.
Lauren, you are amazing. Everything you’ve written I’ve loved. Here’s to a million more articles and here’s to all the ALHs forever.
thanks so much! I appreciate you. Picture me looking as happy as Beyonce looks in the video for XO right now, because that’s how I feel.
This album has literally sidetracked my entire existence. I can’t even think about without having the most DRAMATIC. FEELINGS. EVER. I would sign my soul over to her and then I would flip my hair and then I would go buy matching outfits. Ugh.
I feel like my life has been enriched dramatically just by virtue of this album’s existence. The power of Beyonce.
“Turn that cherry out.” That’s all I got. Hearing a lady singer make oral sex metaphors gives me glee beyond words. My question is, can we have 50 more of these? Could you get a movement started: one cunning linguist song for every blow-job related song ALREADY IN EXISTENCE?
i realize i may not have fully addressed all the INTENSELY SEXUAL lyrics out of the pure and ridiculous sexual frustration they create. geez, beyonce.
EVERYYYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGG
“belle of the boycott”
amazing
“Can you lick my Skittles it’s the sweetest in the middle?” To that, I can totally answer: Yes.
that is an excellent question. and answer.
i would also like to ask beyonce, if pink is the flavor, what’s the answer to the riddle?
I mean i’m preeeeetty sure i know what the answer to the riddle is.
i just want beyonce to tell me :)
And by that, I mean, I would be honored to pick up her napkin from the floor.
this is pretty much exactly what i asked for as soon as i started watching/listening. honestly the AS recap was the only response the internet needed. thank you lauren for making this happen!
Flawless is the only way to describe it…I’m still recovering, I’m not sure how to proceed with life.
Ready for Hillary? Fuck that I’m ready for Beyoncé.
I still can’t handle this album. I’m thesis writing and I keep taking Beyonce breaks to watch new videos I haven’t seen yet and to dance around a little.
She has so many looks!!! She sings about so many different feelings!! I don’t know how she sings about loss, insecurity, family, love, and sex in a way that produces so many catchy songs and still feels like a cohesive album.
so flawless
I was never a huge fan of Beyonce. (Not that I disliked her, just was never a particular fan.) Until now. My entire Facebook feed and tumblr dash were all about Beyonce for days, until it got to the point where I HAD to know what all the fuss was about, so I got the album. I think that’s part of her strategy here. Surprise the hell out of her fans so they don’t shut up about it for days and make people who would not ordinarily buy her albums buy this one out of sheer curiosity. It worked on me.
And now I’m hooked. I can’t choose a favorite song. Flawless is flawless. I love Yonce and keep singing “I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker.” (One of my coworkers is bound to punch me soon, I can feel it, but I can’t stop.) Blue makes me want to cry and hug my kids. XO is so cute. And any woman who sings an entire song about how much she loves cunnilingus is a BEAST.
Also honorable mention to the part in Drunk In Love when Jay says her breasts are his breakfast I mean COME ON.
Never really liked Beyonce, she never talked about anything, in my opinion. But if this is what she’s about now, then I need to go check it out. People do change, I firmly believe that.
Youncé is everything to me, everything.