High Femme: Holigay Gift Guide 2013

Calling all Homoganjas! Let’s talk about anything and everything Marijuana related, from legalization to pop culture to how to your own bong using a box of Diva cups and a broken lamp.

Whether you’re a newbie who doesn’t know a blunt from a joint, or you’re planning your gay dream wedding to Mary Jane, this column is for you. Puff, Puff, Pass.

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feature via outer-south.tumblr.com

HoHoHomoganjas! I swear five minutes ago I was wearing my Alex Vause Halloween costume and suddenly it’s the end of November. Although I might have been wearing that costume literally five minutes ago— scrubs are way comfortable. Don’t judge me.

Every year I try to shop in advance for gifts, but I always end up scrambling for stuff at the last minute. There’s nothing worse than slogging through the crowded mall on December 23rd, aka National Fuck It Everyone’s Getting a Candle and They’re Gonna Like It Day. So here, for your careful consideration, are some highly specific gifts for the various smokers in your life. Everyone loves presents, and everyone agrees that candles as gifts are fucking bullshit.

bodyshop

Hemp Range Products from the Body Shop

For the homoganja that loves getting high in the tub, this line from the Body Shop will be a welcome addition to all the bath and body creams/lotions/tinctures/essential oils she already owns. These are a great gift for:

  • That girl who loves outdoor music festivals
  • That friend that puts mayonnaise in her hair and GOES OUT IN PUBLIC WITH IT STILL IN HER HAIR. GIRL YOU SMELL LIKE A HAM SANDWICH.
  • That one person that still wears Patchouli.
  • The human raisin who’s been sitting in your tub for seven hours now.
  • White girls with dreads

cannabiscookbook

Cannabis Cookbooks

For the domestic goddess in your life that is always finding new and interesting ways to ingest the herb. There are many good books to chose from; I’m a fan of Ganja Kitchen Revolution and Stoner’s Delight. Pair one of these books with a new strainer, some cheese cloth, or a tub of cannabutter and you’ve got a great gift! These books are great for:

  • The girl who roofied you with industrial strength brownies because she didn’t measure her shit.
  • The chef whose edibles uniformly taste like freshly mowed lawn.
  • Your drug dealer who dreams of entering the Cordon Bleu.
  • That weird/awesome aunt that sells dreamcatchers in New Mexico.
  • The friend who just broke their vaporizer.

electroniclighter

USB rechargeable Electronic Flameless Lighter

When I was young, we had to rub two sticks together to create a fire to light our joints (did I grow up in the Hunger Games arena? Close, Louisiana). Now we have flameless, electronic lighters without the toxicity of butane or flint dust that comes with old school lighters. While disposable lighters are great on the go, no one wants a present that was clearly bought at a 7-11. They also recharge in a USB port, which means we are moments away from the creation of the iBong. These lighters are also great for:

  • The girl who repeatedly burns off her thumbnail.
  • The lover who is giving you the most callused hand jobs known to man.
  • Your droid who has been feeling useless ever since the rebellion ended and peace has been restored to the galaxy.
  • Flameless candle enthusiasts
  • A magician named Gob

kashtray

The Kashtray

The Kashtray, also known as the debowler,was brought to my attention by homoganja Marisa in the comments section! You guys are the best/most hilarious/predominantly Canadian commenters ever! I love all of you and your endless knowledge of weed facts. This ashtray/bowl cleaner combo is a great addition to anyone’s weed toolbox. People like:

  • That girl who keeps ashing on your fine china (what is fine china? Can you get it at Ikea?)
  • The smoker whose pipe is now more residue than actual pipe
  • The douche who once ashed in a cup you then drank out of
  • The pyro who started a fire by dumping their ashes in a Dixie cup full of tinder
  • Your grandpappy who smokes a corn cob pipe and doesn’t suspect you of smoking anything.

Venusvape

Venus Original E-Cigarette Starter Kit

There are many reasons to start vaping: it’s better for your lungs, a cleaner high, and it doesn’t stink up the room. But these little portable vaporizers are delightful and easy to use. The basic Venus starter kit has everything you need, minus the herb oil. It has a USB charger and higher end models feature LCD displays and other bells and whistles. A vape pen is like bringing an iPhone 5 to a party full of flip phones. Instantly enviable. It’s also great for:

  • Your techie friend who drives an ’82 Buick but always has the latest iPhone.
  • Your devil-may-care girl who enjoys the thrill of smoking in public places
  • That person you are trying desperately to seduce
  • Mom
  • That fucking showoff who got you an iPad last year even though you specifically agreed to nothing over 20 bucks.

bagofweed

A Bag of Weed

I mean, it’s free weed. Who doesn’t love free weed? Maybe craft a cute little box to put it in, or bake a batch of special brownies, or gift a tub of cannabutter. If this person is a weed enthusiast, they’ll be into it. Great for:

  • Everyone, right?

What about you, homoganjas? What do you want for the holigays? I want what I always wish for: world peace and more Twitter followers.

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Chelsea

Chelsea Steiner was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, where she works as a screenwriter/blogger/sex educator. She's the writer/director of Thank You Come Again, a queer sex positive web series based on her experiences working the Pleasure Chest, which you can follow on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. She’s obsessed with dachshunds, Buffy, 90's dance parties, and roller derby. She loves the word "Jewess" and wishes more people used it to describe her. Follow her ramblings on Twitter and her cute puppy pics on Instagram.

Chelsea has written 46 articles for us.

21 Comments

  2. I think the products from the body shop are not available in all states as some states still don’t allow the selling of hemp based products sadly.

    I personally don’t agree with one the products mentioned here, but I will talk about that later with you.

    • I in good faith can’t agree with the Venus as that is just an E-Cig remarketed for cannabis use. I have tried products identical with my store bought and home made juices and they don’t really work well at all. The only way for the Venus to be actually useable is to get something like the Vaped Globe attachment(or one of the many brands that look like it), but these only work for hash, wax, and thick oils, and not flower(well they do, but they combust flower which defeats the purpose). They also make a flower attachment, which I tried two different models of. Thankfully, it didn’t burn the material, but that’s all I can say, as it doesn’t get hot enough to vape or get you even a tinny bit baked.

      I work near the wholesale e-cig district where they sell a lot of ecigs for oils and glycerin, but again they are just remarketed e-cig atomizers for tobacco. Most actually don’t get hot enough to properly vape THC, and CBD(so it essentially wastes material. And the models that do such thing either will cost you a bit of coin, or they don’t last long. I am also a regular at a local chain of vapor bars out here in LA and have spoken to the owner and a few of the employees there about these products and they most agree.

      Sorry for the long rant, but I had to get that off my chest.

      • I agree, there are a lot of crap out there, and this may or may not be one, but it does look like a standard ecig based on the pics.

  4. “the girl who roofied you..”?
    really? maybe I’m oversensitive but, what?

    looks like an amazing cook-book though and also the body shop hemp oil lotion is actually amazing

  6. My mom had a veritable mental breakdown when she paid me a surprise visit and saw my bowl sitting out one day, and even SHE uses that Body Shop hemp body butter. That stuff is uhmayzing.

    Tip: for winter-chapped hands, slather your hands in the hemp body butter and put a cheap pair of those knit gloves on before you go to bed. Then your hands will feel like buttah.

  7. I want all of these. Actually, I have wanted every gift from every autostraddle gift guide this year. But especially so the best of weed. That would be v v useful.

    Also,I think I’m gonna diy the kashtray as gifts this year…

  9. Does anyone know if the vape pens take both liquid nicotine and herb oil? I want to buy one as a cig substitute but have the option of using an herb oil cartridge. I don’t know anything about them apart from sucking on my friend’s (hah)

    Also, shh, don’t tell, but this article makes me wish I had a girlfriend

    • Read my post above. I have spent years looking for, trying, and discussing how to make current e-cig tech to work properly for oils and such. The short of it is you either need a special pen, that doesn’t work with standard e-cig atomizers/tops without an adapter, or get one that says is for flowers(it’s not as it’s like an electric lighter), but really is for wax, and hash, and use that.

      • wow that’s a lot of time spent, but then again these are pretty neat products, but sadly, they aren’t that good for our needs. I use the bud buddy, and while it works, it’s not as nice as the really expensive and nice models like the G-Pen.

  10. I don’t even often partake but your writing is hilarious. “Your droid who has been feeling useless ever since the rebellion ended and peace has been restored to the galaxy.”? Glorious.

  11. I like that the commenters are predominantly Canadian lol we do like our weed up here! I need all of these things this Christmas but you’re right the bag of weed is always a winner no matter what!!!

  12. Thanks for the heads up on the flame-less lighter… I’m one of those people who would burn off her thumb!!!

    Side note- Chelsea have you heard of “Tiny Death Star”? It’s “Tiny Towers” with a Star Wars twist… pretty good game.

  14. Oh, body shop. I used to love their products… I mean LOVE their products (chocomania anyone?) until i found out the parent company of body shop is Nestle. Nestle, as in the company who donated baby formula to women in developing countries with no clean water supply, and told them that they should use nestle’s baby formula instead of breast feeding because breast feeding would be harmful to their babies, resulting in thousands of babies dying from contaminated water supplies. This, so they could tout humanitarian efforts in third world countries as part of a PR campaign. That Nestle. shit. I mean there’s greedy profiteering, donating to republicans evil corporation, and then there’s BABY KILLING evil corporations…

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