I’d like to talk to you about the comment awards but first I have to talk to you about Tegan and Sara. See, I’ve been excited about their new movie event spectacular all day and I’ve had no one to emote with. Fact: one half of my (2) queer friends here believes Tegan and Sara is “screamy music” and the other feels “meh” about them. What do you do with friends like this other than trap them in cars and force feed them hours of Tegan and Sara until they change their minds? I don’t have gas money for that! So I’m telling you dear readers: I’m so excited about it and I know at least 63 of you are too.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled ceremony.
We wrote a lot this week about things you can watch. Like Tegan and Sara, D.E.B.S. (with recipes), the televisionary caption contest, Barbara Hammer, and “She’s A Boy I Knew”. We also celebrated fall with the best pumpkin pie and a fall feast. Tuesday was National Coming Out Day, and Riese brought you a state of the union on gays in the U.S.A.. Finally, we’ve got playlists for living out dreams, states of mourning, and the gym. The group of the week is…
This is a group about cats. This is all that matters.
The Please Return Your Membership Card Award to New Texan: “I have never seen this movie and I hate tofu.
I might as well go have sex with a guy right now.”
On NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Supports International Fisting Day:
The I Think You Mean Rugby Field Award to Jade: 
On Playlist: Work Out Your Shit At The Gym:
The I Knew It Wasn’t Just Me Award to Lexi: “Don’t underestimate “I’ll make a man out of you” from the Mulan soundtrack.
It’s on the oldest workout playlist known, dating back to the Northern Wei dynasty in ancient china.”
On She’s A Boy I Knew: Transgressing Gender, Transforming Film:
The FSL Award to novastar: “On a list of words with no English countepart is this: Gigil: (Filipino) The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute.
That is what that picture with the little chitlins makes me feel. Like, a lot.”
On National Coming Out Day Listling Without Commentary: Selections From Your Coming Out Stories:
The Caution: Uncontrollable Laughing Ahead Award to Mary:
On It’s National Coming Out Day and We’re Thinking of You:
The Gigil Award to Sharks: “Just remember that strangers are like spiders: They’re actually more afraid of you than you are of them.”
On Tegan & Sara Boxed a Set: 3 Films + 1 Live Record x Our Hearts = “Get Along”:
The I Can’t Even Award to AJ: “Didn’t one of them have a baby? EW there is no such thing as “going back to girls” its called BI. Turn OFF. IM OVER THEM.
The lesbian should go solo.”
dear AJ, in case this clears things up, tegan and sara’s first single was NOT ‘all the things she said’
I FELT ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID IN MY LEGS BEFORE I EVEN MET YOU.
Woah! I made it not once, but TWICE in one comment awards Friday!
That’s it–I’m signing up and becoming a member. Time for some ASS.
There. I did a thing.
Appropriately, after your comment I had a run in with a spider that resulted in me screaming like a little girl. Safe to say, I am more scared of spiders than they are of me.
Unless, while you screaming like a little girl, you missed the spider also screaming like a little girl.
Sometimes when I post a comment I think to myself “he he he I am so clever, I am totally going to win a comment award for this” and then autostraddle gives me one and I get to pat myself on the back for my own cleverness and it’s a glorious day.
Does this mean I have to go and actually sleep with a guy now? I feel like since the comment is all awardy, it’s expected.
Time to go shave my legs and buy condoms I guess.
If you want, I can just spread the rumour that you did.
YOU GUYS, NewTexan WAS LIKE TOTALLY SHAGGING ASHTON KUTCHER LAST WEEKEND. MY FRIEND LIKE TOLD ME AND SHE NEVER LIES!1!
done and done.
I saw her get into the back of his car with the windows all steamed up a la titanic. AND SHE WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT DEMI. No sirree.
Thanks ladies! Now I don’t have to get drunk tonight to have sex. Although I probably will. Get drunk that is, having sex of any kind seems unlikely.
Sex with Ashton Kutcher would make me think of That 70’s Show, which would make me think of Mila Kunis. Which would be fine.
I don’t get the bluffing one. Like, I feel there’s some hidden meaning I’m completely missing. I Googled every word in that comment just to make sure. Still don’t get it.
i don’t get it either, but i died laughing anyway?
because if her mom wasn’t bluffing she would have actually cut her own head off?
So it’s funny because her mom’s not dead?
no because we know her mom wouldn’t have cut her own head off, so mary was just stating the obvious when she said her mom was bluffing…
Emily got it! No hidden meaning…just a very dramatic mother. I’m pretty sure she didn’t ACTUALLY want to cut off her head hence the “bluff”… I thought it was funny because it was the most rediculous thing I’ve ever heard her, or maybe anyone, say. Sometimes me and my brother call her “The mom who cried decapitation” or “nearly headless mom”.
Lol, my fault for trying to see a secret meaning.