34 Awesome, Non-Existent and Otherwise Special Jobs You Wish You Had

Riese —
Mar 23, 2015
COMMENT

I learned a lot about you weirdos reading the results of our first-ever Autostraddle Grown-Ups Survey, which we unleashed upon the world last month in order to ensure our fingers were firmly on the pulses of our readers over the age of 29. One of the things we asked about was your job — what you did for a living, and also what you wish you were doing for a living, if not your present job.

Here’s what a word cloud of answers to “if not your present job, what job do you aspire towards?” looks like:

Screenshot 2015-03-19 12.31.45

The fact that so many of you want to be librarians is the most heart-warming thing to hit my heart since we won a GLAAD Award.

And, below, some of the most kickass / interesting / unique jobs y’all named… as well as some VERY VERY SPECIAL occupations we fear may not exist.

1. queen of the world

2. Owning my own feral cat sanctuary

3. lesbian Boyz II Men a-capella cover group

4. supreme ruler of trivia nights

5. teaching poetry to kids

6. Independently Wealthy 19th century Victorian Lady-Scientist

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7. Something with diplomatic immunity

8. Professional bench jeweler / metalsmith

9. Sex Ed teacher or Rock Star

10. Evil Overlord

11. One in which I use Word more than Excel

12. CBC Radio Host

13. World Changer For The Better

14. writer illustrator separatist farm queer southern rural community organizer

15. Secretary of State

16. Swashbuckler

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17. Head of a venture capital firm that invests millions in Autostraddle

18. Dog therapist!

19. Luthier

20. Outreach coordinator at a California mid-size city’s public library

21. Writer, Best-selling

22. Plant Ecologist for the National Park Service

23. Homesteader/woodworker/maplesugarbusher

24. Opera singer 100%, yo

25. Rabbi/Camp Director/Mother/Ohmy

26. Girls Rock Camp Programming Coordinator

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27. Dominatrix

28. I aspire to be a homicide detective.

29. Lunch lady

30. Clean energy technology innovator

31. Cherie Jaffe

32. Meditation and Dreams Coach

33. Working for a large international company where i can rock a power suit and order people around all over the world, obviously.

34. I want to sit at home and write about girl bands in space

35. World, Ruler of

Riese profile image

Riese

Riese is the co-founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker and LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York, and now lives in Los Angeles. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3303 articles for us.

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