click for the rest of 30 Days of Carol
I’m not a fitness expert but I DID STAY AT THE MCKINLEY MOTEL LAST NIGHT. This is a play on the Holiday Inn Express commercials from literally decades ago that had the premise of ordinary people giving unsolicited and unqualified advice to people in extreme situations, and then justifying their actions by describing that while they weren’t a professional or someone to be trusted at all, they “did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night,” where I’ve also tailored the hotel to match where Carol and Therese stayed the night they tried on perfume together, and tailored the expert advice to the topic at hand, which is Cate Blanchett’s back during the Waterloo New Year’s scene in the movie Carol. I hope it was worth it, as I am logging off forever – from the Internet and life.
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Anyway, wow, what a back in that scene. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – here – that whoever Cate Blanchett’s trainer was deserved their own Oscar nomination… to then be eventually also snubbed. You know what this back did before shooting this movie? That machine at the gym that mimics a rowing motion and sends stacks of weights up and down with every pull, like a tiny dumbwaiter for metal. This back used that machine until it felt like the blood being pumped to it had been replaced with battery acid.
This back did a lot core work, surprisingly! This back flipped a bunch of oversized tires in a junkyard right before releasing its finale scream of surrender while whip-and-popping heavy rope. This back went to freaking town on some lean protein three to four times daily. This back held dumbbells face-down on a bench while its elbows soared to the sky.
This back broke down barriers the old fashioned way: breaking them. This back ate, drank, and slept “gym, tan, and laundry.” All day this back dreamed about sets – reps of high, medium, and low. This back ripped shirts for the hell of it. This back found every sealed-shut pistachio that’s ever been included in a bag as a sign of disrespect and opened them, one by one, with the ease of a French woman’s wardrobe. This back was the female lead in a hour-long police procedural.
This back? This back died for our sins, so that we might know eternal life.
If you’re doing odes to body parts, hopefully we’ll get one dedicated to Rooney’s crappy wig.
aw i love it
I have scoured the internets for pictures of Carol’s back, and on this, the Lord’s day, it has been provided.
Hallelujah. Amen.
lemme know got a folder of these
All I want from Autostraddle is a happy ending for my O.T.P.,
My O.T.P.,
See my O.T.P.,
Gee, if I could only have a happy ending for my O.T.P.,
Then I could see a merry Carol
It seems so long since I could say,
“And then the lesbians had a happy ever after!”
Gosh, oh gee, how happy I’d be,
If this ended in laughter
this took me a second but when i got it…. brilliant.
<3
You’re fantastic.
I’m sorta looking forward to the album now, Kristana’s Holigay favourites !
this is serious #fitspo
Carol 3:16
WOULD put this on a bumper
my fitness vision board is just a dozen pictures of carol’s back and shoulders
beastmode
*i* never looked like *that.*
top that
speaking of tops,
“Crack me like one of your French pistachios…”
ahahahahahaha
Do you think it’s inappropriate to submit this to my physical therapist as my overall goal, or…?
Yes ! I think that in itself will determine if your physical therapist is the right one for you.
That’s the exercise regimen that allowed Carol to ascend and become the supreme Goddess of Death.
Is this what “baby got back” means?
How about skin care. So smooth, silky soft but also strong, solid, I bet.
“This back? This back died for our sins, so that we might know eternal life.”
GOD YES.