Welcome to Excerpts From My Super-Secret Diary, a new A+ feature for Silver & Gold members in which we publish for you the incomplete and/or highly personal thoughts we’ve written on paper with actual pens.
Today Stef has chosen some selections from the only journal she salvaged from her childhood, a chronicle of the summer she was 13 years old. She was mostly into horses, the X-Files, throwing temper tantrums, not having any friends and pretending to know how to play the guitar. Not much has changed.
1.
5/18/97
X-Files was horrible. Mulder killed himself. It was terrible. Just when he and Scully were beginning to draw close!
2.
5/26/97
I feel often that I need to break from this horrible shell that I’ve become.
3.
6/7/97
I’m banned from the computer because I got jelly from my dinner (PBJ & half a cup of milk) on one of my dad’s papers. Also, I drank the last of the milk. So I’m banned from the computer room for the weekend… [Mom] told me I had no sense at all and was angrier still when I agreed. One day I’m going to get her back. One day, she’s going to pay.
4.
6/15/97
After a few quick minutes on the Net, we went to Uncle Vic and Aunt Beth’s. Their son Harvey was there with his fiancée. Harvey works in the music business with big time bands like 311, Cake, the Cardigans and Hanson. He’s getting me some autographed stuff. I wish Garbage was on Mercury… Anyway, I decided that I want to go into music. Maybe eventually have a spectacular job like Harvey. Or maybe (big maybe!) [my band] will gets its act together and we’ll have as much money as all the Spice Girls combined.
5.
7/8/97
Fortunately, due to the rain, our pool party was cancelled. Unfortunately, it became a 50s theme dance. I refused to dress up, because I don’t even belong in the 90s, let alone the 50s.
6.
7/12/97
OK, so here’s the biggest part of the day. Steve, who’s one of the guys we hang around with, we were talking at canteen. Tim was following us but we ditched him and went out just walking and talking together. It was amazing – we’ve got lots in common, and he’s a really great guy. So after a while, he asked me out. I said yes. Then we hugged. Everyone bugged us, but I was thrilled. I mean, I know him a little, so I feel pretty comfortable around him. And he’s goodlooking in his own way. Cindy was ecstatic. We kept walking around, except this time with our arms around each other or holding hands. When curfew came around, he walked me to the cabin, then hugged me and kissed my cheek… He’s so great. I am so thrilled.
7.
7/13/97
Steve & I made out. We frenched. It was incredibly gross, but I tried not to let on.
8.
7/14/97
I broke up with Steve. I don’t know, I felt so horrible about our relationship in general.
9.
7/22/97
We’re all staying up all night. Everyone’s in the other bathroom. We wrote BUS NOTES! Everyone’s going home. It sucks. We were gonna do Ouija board and ask Kurt Cobain if Courtney Love killed him, but considering Noreen went to bed already I don’t think it’s gonna happen.
10.
8/30/97
Tonight I attended my first concert – Jewel. It was wonderful.. Seeing the real Jewel on stage and not on TV or in a magazine was amazing.. Her version of “Foolish Games” was amazing. It got a standing ovation. When we got home, the newscaster said Princess Diana is dead.
11.
9/7/97
We went to [rich distant cousin]’s bar mitzvah. The party was a trifle boring at first, but I played some video games and drank a lot of Diet Coke. I was playing this awesome jet-ski game where you’re on a moving board and steering when they herded us into a main room. They’d hired a band. It was – no joke – the Quad City DJs. “The Train?” They played that, and three others. I spoke to the lead vocalist later, on line for the jet-ski game. He said he’d never jet-skied before.I told him I hadn’t either, but that it was awesome and he should try it. He declined.
12.
10/21/97
Nothing to say.. Life sucks.. I don’t know what to talk about. This journal is the absolute truth, and I have nothing to say. Sure, all the big stuff happened. I own a cigarette lighter, cut a class, drank a beer, wore blue lipstick, etc.
13.
11/21/97
It’s November and now I’m fourteen. I own an electric guitar, not the ’69 Fender Mustang I dreamed of but a red and white Ibanez that looks sort of like a Stratocaster. Shirley Manson got a new Strat, too, so we’re even! Oh yes, I now own a purple lipstick, I’m a 9th grade freak, I can play lots more on the guitar and I’m close friends with psychos.
i fucking love you so much forever and always, stef schwartz. STAY THE WORST, MAHALO, YOU’RE MY IDOL.
Stef I’m obsessed with this
Did you, in fact, get your mother back?
Unclear.
can we do a Where Are They Now with Steve
i don’t remember his last name but i think he was actually kind of a babe. i wonder if those were his glory years.
It always sucked to get banned from the computer room.
right? ugh the computer room was MY FAVORITE ROOM
“I don’t even belong in the 90s, let alone the 50s.”
awwwwww
forever searching for my decade
This is beautiful
I just did a dramatic reading of this for my wife. She especially enjoyed the whirlwind romance with Steve.
I feel like number 10 might prove that you in fact belonged in the 90s.
“wore blue lipstick, etc”
oh gosh i love you so much i’m really glad the three day saga with steve worked out okay in the end
I laughed. I cried. I reminisced about Garbage.
All in all, I would say this post was a great success.
This is THE best thing I have ever read.
the complete opposite of “a trifle boring.” I LOVE IT/STEF
i was such a pretentious 13-year-old. in a much more boring passage, i describe a horse’s trot as “magnificent.”
sometimes, things are just “magnificent” though.
like you <3
To the surprise of no one, I spoke exactly like this when I was 13 too. I feel really validated with these entries.
7/12/97
7/13/97
7/14/97
^ the most epic relationship saga ever.
this is the reason i thought it was important to include the dates.
beats my first camp boyfriend, frank, who i met just after lunch and broke up with at evening activities.
was this a sign? probably.
SO MUCH BETTER THAN TWILIGHT
I really love the timeline on your relationship with Steve.
I once dumped a guy within 45 minutes of agreeing to go out with him, all via msn messenger. Those were dark days.
I’m so glad I was listening to Kittie when I read this. Full experience.
TAKES SO MUCH AWAY FROM INSIDE YOU
MAKES NO SENSE YOU KNOW HE CAN’T GUIDE YOU
HE’S YOUR FUCKING SHOULDER TO LEAN ON
BE STRONG
Everything here just screams STEF. SO MUCH LOVE
did you really see the quad city djs at a bar mitzvah?!??! that seems so random/awesome.
YES IT WAS SO WEIRD. my dad’s cousin married somebody really really rich. their next kid had big bad voodoo daddy play at her bat mitzvah, and winton marsalis played at her engagement. money is really weird.
i had to gchat stef to make sure this was real
“We frenched. It was incredibly gross, but I tried not to let on.”
That is the real truth, yo. Middle school kissing was disgusting. SO MUCH TONGUE.
This is the absolute best thing on the internet. Stef I love you so much.
Angst, 90s, glimpses of a lady-lovin’ future.. this is highly entertaining.
A+ would read Stef’s diary again. Don’t worry everyone it only took me 5 days to come up with that.
Phenomenal. I’d like to say we would have been friends in 8th grade. I was so repressed/Catholic that I probably would have idolized you.
Quad City DJ’s for the win seriously jealous
I am so pumped to read ALL OF THESE DIARY POSTS and maybe submit some of my own because uh, I have a lot of diaries. So many feelings from such an early age.
Alternative title: “True Life: I’m a 9th grade freak”
Poor Steve.