It was fourteen excruciating years ago that we first watched 25 women parade themselves in front of one unremarkable man for the possibility of a live proposal for 10 beautiful, drama-filled episodes. The Bachelor seemed destined for failure from the beginning. The premise was too obnoxious, even by American standards. But it has since become a super force, hypnotizing viewers via 90-minute-long pieces of art, and its unlikely rise in popularity and influence has a lot to do with its creators: The Illuminati.
We all know the Illuminati channel their goal of world domination through popular culture. Everyone from Jay-Z, George Bush, Lady Gaga, and Lil’ Wayne have been rumored members. Beyoncé was arguably the most famous icon tied to their efforts, but she recently denounced any involvement. Enter: The Bachelor. Sure, to an unassuming viewer, this may seem like a stretch. Except once you look for the clues, they’re impossible to ignore.
We’ll start with location. It’s rumored that the Illuminati hold their annual meeting to assess the success of last year’s policies, to strategize about the future, and to burn giant statues at a resort called The Bohemian Grove in Monte Rio, CA — which just so happens to be a convenient hour and a half drive from the literal bachelor pad in Agoura Hills, CA.
Next are maps that follow the trajectory of this season’s getaways. The first is the route to the finalists’ homes in Laguna Beach, CA, Portland, OR, Hudson, OH, and Dallas, TX, and the second is from the group fantasy-dates in the Bahamas, Mexico City, and Jamacia.
Then here’s current Bachelor Ben establishing his allegiance to the brotherhood in the first episode of this season with this shot from his hometown in Warsaw, Indiana, a small Midwest town that could easily be described as the heart of America.
What else is at the heart of America?
Most telling is a list I found online of the principles that the Illuminati live by – seems sort of anti-Illuminati of them to lay it all out there but I’m sure they have their reasons – that when paralleled with shots from the show prove categorically that The Bachelor is the Illuminati’s current reigning prince.
All men are more easily inclined towards evil than good.
Preach Liberalism.
Use the idea of freedom to bring about ‘…wars.’
Any and all means should be used to reach the Illuminati Goals as they are justified.
The power of our resources must remain invisible until the very moment it has gained the strength that no cunning or force can undermine it.
Advocation of mob psychology to control the masses.
Use alcohol, drugs, corruption and all forms of vice to systematically corrupt the youth of the nation.
Seize property by any means.
Use of slogans such as equity, liberty, fraternity delivered into the mouths of the masses in psychological warfare.
War should be directed so that the nations on both sides are placed further in debt and peace conferences conducted so that neither combatant obtains territory rights.
Members must use their wealth to have candidates chosen and placed in public office who will be obedient to their demands and will be used as pawns in the game by those behind the scenes.
Sheer purrrfection.
ahahaha
RACHEL this is the best thing in the whole wide world.
RACHEL
Erin you magnificent you, be honest, how many hours of footage did you have to go through for this and how much did it hurt ?
Thank you for suffering for us in any case <3.
well any amount of time on this is Too Much Time but thankfully the two minutes at the beginning and end if each episode that recap everything always have the best sound bites!
This is the best thing I have ever seen written about The Bachelor.
These are the reasons that I love autostraddle dot com.
A+ pig sequence
yes!!!
I NEEDED THIS
10/10 content, I’m so glad the Truth is being revealed
As soon as I saw this headline, I knew it had to be an article written by Erin. I give it ten rose emojis.
proud to have established a dignified brand here
*Runs screaming into the night*
Fails to can, totally can’t.
Because reverse Mark 5:8-13 ahhhhhhhh.
“Members must use their wealth to have candidates chosen and placed in public office who will be obedient to their demands and will be used as pawns in the game by those behind the scenes”
Ahhhhh. Sounds familiar?
Sounds legit.
Maybe I should use some of these strategies to get ahead in the business world…… eh, too much work. I think I will just let myself become part of the masses.