Insider Butt Data for All You Absolute Nerds

Welcome to Butt Week, friends! An entire week dedicated to butts and butt-adjacent stuff: how-tos, thoughtful essays, original art, pop culture critiques, music and more! You are absolutely not ready for this and yet it is happening to you, right now.

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One of the things I spend a lot of time doing is looking at Autostraddle’s numbers. How many people liked, retweeted, commented on, organically shared, or yelled about a post? How many people, total, read a post? Why does this tweet have ten times as many retweets as that tweet about the same thing? What time of day do most people want to read about TV? (Morning and afternoon.) What time of day do most people want to read about sex? (Evenings and all day on Sundays.) What time of day to people want to read Vapid Fluff? (All day every day.) Will people read another post about a thing we already wrote a post about? And on and on and on.

I also spend a lot of time reading and thinking about how algorithms work, and trying to figure out how to game them in any way possible to make us competitive with sites that have whole teams of people who know how to bend the algorithms to their will. I am hardly ever successful at this!

Anyway, when we kicked off Butt Week, I spent some time researching our previous Butt Content to try to figure out how make Butt Week a success on Google and on social media. Here are some of the things my research has revealed.

Autostraddle Top 15 Pre-Butt Week Butt Posts, According to Google

How To Eat Ass, by Carolyn

How to Bring Butt Plugs Into Your Lesbian Sex Life, by Carolyn

Self-Acceptance & Butt Cover-Ups: 8 Queer Women’s Tattoo Stories, by Emily Browne

Bottoms Up: Bottoming and Butt Sex, by Ari

Also.Also.Also: The Industry Could’ve Believed Amber Heard Instead of Crawling Up Johnny Depp’s Butt, But Nooo, by Laneia

NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Looking At Your Butt, by Carolyn

“Legends of Tomorrow” Episode 502 Recap: Never Trust a Big Butt and Smile, by Valerie Anne

Want A Lady Superhero On Your Butt? League of Ladies Undies Can Make That Happen, by Vanessa

Also.Also.Also: Melissa Harris-Perry and Beyoncé Could Kick Every Stupid Republican’s Butt and Other Stories We Missed This Week, by Carmen Rios

“Supergirl” Episode 308 / “Arrow” Episode 608: Legends of SuperFlarrow Parts I & II (aka The One Where Sarah Asks Alex About Her Butt), by Valerie Anne

Top Ten Sweatpants (“These Champion sweatpants are not cute. Your butt will not be featured or showcased in any way.”), by Riese

Celebrate Anal August With These Toys For Better Butt Sex, by Carolyn

Stick The Entire Rainbow Up Your Ass For Pride, by Riese

Holigay Gift Guide: Last-Minute Anal Gifts, by Archie

Sunburn Cures For Your Sunburned Ass, by Lizz

Autostraddle’s Top 10 Butt Tweets, According to Twitter

In honor of Butt Week and the recent ability to gift memberships, I'm gifting five A+ memberships to anyone who wants to be A+ but can't swing the cost during this apocalypse. DM me.#AutostraddleButtWeek https://t.co/95WWQZffBG

— Doc 🍌 (@hugscactuses) October 17, 2020

https://twitter.com/vanessapamela/status/1316487941229666305

https://twitter.com/theheatherhogan/status/804449231427739648

https://twitter.com/stefschwartz/status/760897316161196033

if she gets mad ill just be like aw babe ok here's my butt too

— Laura Zak (@la_wa) August 3, 2016

https://twitter.com/librarygrrrl/status/618746713445146626

https://twitter.com/catherinethegay/status/1277232508917239808

God designed butts to be spanked! The Bible is very clear on this.

— Nicky Reid (@NickyRe35133568) October 22, 2020

https://twitter.com/HiShelli/status/1318624556479926273

ten things i love:

1. butts
2. dykes
3. hipness
4. magazines
5. you two
6. attention
7. money
8. gratitude
9. yelling
10. love

— Grace Lavery (@graceelavery) October 12, 2020