Holigay Quiz: How Will You ‘Ruin’ Your Family’s Holiday Gathering This Year?

Many LGBTQ+ folks don’t get to go home for the holidays. For those of us who do have that option, family dynamics can still be tricky. What’s supposed to be a “warm and fuzzy” gathering could easily end in a blowout, and you might be blamed. If you’re going home for the holidays, how will you “ruin” this year’s gathering? Take this quiz and find out!

The people and conflicts illustrated in this quiz certainly won’t reflect all of the challenges that all families face — think of this as a “pick your own adventure” exercise featuring a sample platter of prickly people. Feel free to vent about previous holiday disasters or share your strategies for managing holiday turmoil and/or building a chosen family and/or cutting out relatives who don’t support your happiness in the comments!

You’re preparing to head back to your hometown for the holidays. What’s your biggest concern?(Required)

COVID safety — I think most of my relatives are vaccinated, but some of them have been sharing articles about “government microchips” on Twitter

Maintaining my mental health — I’m pretty good at taking care of myself, but this might be a challenging environment

Dodging animal products — my family puts meat in absolutely everything

The “when are you having kids” question

Coming up with an escape plan — if my relatives continually try to push my boundaries, I’m gone

Negative comments about my sexual orientation and/or gender expression

Something else

What do you pack first?(Required)

Earplugs — I hear there’s going to be a screaming baby

Extra masks

My “Dykes for Satan” pin — I’ll never let my homophobic aunt forget that I’m a proud heathen

My journal — I wrote down all of my boundaries in advance and I’m prepared to maintain them

An entire plant-based meal for myself, plus multiple snacks

My copy of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Something else

Choose a black tee:(Required)

Something else

You’re on the phone with a relative before you leave. What’s something you say?(Required)

“If they’re not vaccinated, then I’m not ok with them attending.”

“It sounds like you’re feeling stressed about something that doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“You’ve asked me to spend the week there several times, but I will still only be staying over for one night.”

“Yes, turkey counts as meat.”

“Yes, I saw the fifteen photos of the baby that you sent me this morning.”

“I won’t be editing out any part of my life when I speak to our family.”

Something else

You finally arrive at your destination. Who or what do you notice first?(Required)

An unvaccinated relative is there.

The screaming baby — I steer clear of her

Someone is already having an emotional outburst — my relatives aren’t the best at self-regulation

The calendar alert I set for myself that says, “TAKE! NO! SHIT! THIS TIME!”

Somehow all of the appetizers contain bacon

My aunt promptly moved herself and children to the corner of the room when I arrived

Something else

Which question will you most likely be asked before your family’s holiday dinner begins?(Required)

“But where do you get your protein?”

“How’s your roommate?” (referring to your long-term partner)

“What’s the mask for?”

“When are you having kids?”

“So you think you’re better than the rest of us?”

“Why aren’t you staying in town longer?”

Something else

The meal begins. At first, the conversation is pleasant enough, but you say one benign thing that sets off an argument. What is it?(Required)

“Please don’t speak to me that way.”

You mention your partner

“No turkey for me. Thanks!”

“Since you’re not vaccinated, could you please at least wear a mask or stay outdoors?”

“I just don’t think parenting is for me.”

“It seems like you’re unhappy about something — do you want to talk about what’s going on?”

Something else

Which one of these words is used to insult you?(Required)

“Ungrateful”

“Hippie”

“Snowflake”

“Sheep”

“Selfish”

“Know-it-all”

Something else

You don’t end up staying the night and head home to decompress instead. How do you spend your evening?(Required)

I take photos with my cat in our matching PJs

I write an angry Twitter thread about anti-vaxxers

I turn off my phone — my relatives won’t stop calling after I told them I needed space

I watch Happiest Season — I don’t even like it that much, but I need to see something gay

I email my therapist

I pound some crackers and hummus

Something else

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